


Twice in A Lifetime

by Sionell89



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Sex, Angst and Romance, Buffy the Vampire Slayer References, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Family, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Father-Daughter Relationship, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Magic, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Past Angel/Buffy Summers, Reunion Sex, Reunions, Teen Crush, The Astral Plane, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 31
Words: 80,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27536269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sionell89/pseuds/Sionell89
Summary: It's 2031. Angel discovers he and his protégé Keith are on the same transatlantic cruise as Buffy and her family, who happen to be celebrating her 50th birthday. Well, it’s best if he just avoids her, because what right does he have to barge in on the normal life she has finally made for herself after all this time? But Buffy has more important things on her mind to worry about -  like training the latest Slayer who happens to be her daughter Katie, who figures out there is a vampire watching her mother. Of course, Keith is trying to track down the brunette he met at the movie theatre... Wackiness ensues.
Relationships: Angel/Buffy Summers
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MorganaNK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/gifts).



> In honor of Buffy Angel Appreciation Week! I didn’t know that was a thing! Thanks to J August Richards and Stacey Abrams for letting me know it was on "This is Us"!!
> 
> Originally posted to the AdultBuffyAngel and BuffyAngelKids lists. I finished this 20 years ago, just before AtS:2 and BtVS:2 premiered, so it's only canon to that point in the shows. I thought about reworking it but it would change too much in the plot. You’ll have to read to find out why.
> 
> THANK YOU's for this for work are many:
> 
> Thanks to David Boreanaz, Joss Whedon, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Aly Hannigan whose combined talents have given me permission to explore my own. Thank you from the bottom of my heart inspiring this work.
> 
> Bless Mo Tancharoen for showing the world what it means to support a fandom (specifically the chat after the premiere of "Agents of Shield"). If ever I had a fan girl moment, it was when Doug Petrie pulled me out of the American Legion Hall so many years ago, onto the porch, just so he could hear me better when I was telling him about this story. I'm going to have to have some pretty awesome experiences to knock it out of the top five, lemme tell you. 
> 
> SPECIAL THANKS to my alpha, celt169 for the hours you spent helping me suss out this story. I couldn't have done it without you. My beloved betas, SunCatcher and Shirley Ujest (Is that really you here on AO3?? ermegerd!) for catching all my typos, telling me what worked, what made sense and what didn't. You guys are the best! And to the AdultBuffyAngel and BuffyAngelKids lists for giving me a place to post the story and the feedback nudge I needed to finish it, chapter by painful chapter. Ya'll kept me going to the finish line.
> 
> I can't put into words the debt I owe MorganaNK. First you were a reader, then you became a friend. Then you became a protector who guarded my story better than I did. I don't know if you'll ever know what that means to me. I love you more than all the muppet coats in Pylea, OWWO. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Angel, Buffy and Willow belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the evil Fox Legal Machine, etc. Everyone else is mine.  
> DISTRIBUTION: Not without my permission. © 2001 updated second publication © 2020

_ He wore nothing but her favorite cologne, the natural scent of sweat and leather. Taking a deep breath of his raw virility, she kissed and nipped at his shoulder. Tilting her head back, she exhaled, exposing her neck. She licked the remaining taste of his skin from her lips as his tongue caressed the base of her neck, right above her collarbone. He was intimately acquainted with the responses of that particular part of the human body and he was adept at eliciting many of them. She took a ragged breath as he sucked, tickled, kissed her. She felt a tingle course through her center. She tried to shift her legs, but he held her beneath him in an iron embrace. _

__

_ He moved slowly up her throat, taking pleasure in gently teasing her sensitive skin. He was easily twice her size, but his weight did not bother her. Rather, she loved this undeniable evidence of his masculinity. She pulled him closer to her and he felt her tremble against his chest. Abruptly cupping her head with his left hand, he kissed her with a passion he shared only with her. She responded with her whole body, her hips pushing against his, skin against skin. _

__

_ Reluctantly, she pulled her lips away breathing heavily. "I love you," they said at the same time. They both giggled. He nuzzled his forehead against hers, and gifted her with a rare, dazzling smile that held no reservations, no worries. She promptly melted, stunned by the good fortune that brought him to her. _

__

_ He kissed her gently, lazily coaxing her tongue with his own. Their tongues danced slowly at first, but soon they were caught again in the passion that quickened her heartbeat. He broke away, his tongue traveling down her neck, past her collar, down her body. She ran her fingers through his hair, as he continued his journey. She whimpered in delight, slowly raking her nails up his back. He purred, loving the force she exerted. His hands glided from her back to her waist and over the curves of her hips. With that, she pulled her legs up to his hips, and they became one.  _

__

_ She whimpered softly, causing him to look at her in concern. Her eyes were closed and an open-mouthed smile covered her face. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeper. He complied, feeling a surge as she kissed him with an urgency that continued to build. He didn’t need to breathe, but she did, throwing her head back, gasping for air. Even in the dark he could see how flushed she was, release for both of them was imminent. She moaned, one hand clutching the headboard across from him as she tried to gain leverage against him. He clutched her tighter and felt…. _

“Buffy, Buffy, BUFFY…”


	2. Chapter 2

Angel woke with a start, lying face down on the bed. He was alone. He briefly entertained the notion of going back into the deep sleep, but he knew it was useless. Instead, he took a moment to remember how she felt next to him. It had been thirty-two years since he touched her like that. So, he cherished these dreams, where he was as close to Buffy as he'd ever get again. They left him in a rare state of contentment he didn’t dare get used to. Then he moved.

“Ugh,” frowned Angel, finding a wet spot under him. "More real than usual." Angel's voice echoed in the cavernous Grand Master Suite of the cruise liner. Since he had to spend a considerable amount of time in the room for this transatlantic trip, he was willing to pay for the space to move about during the day. Plus, the bedroom had its own chamber, without windows. It was perfect for them. All Keith had to do was shut the door and the living area with the blasted video game machine was all his.

Angel rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for tissues and a towel. Funny, he thought of Buffy often, but hadn't dreamed of her like that for the last five years. Now, she was all he dreamed of for the past few days. Angel chalked it up to anxiety about returning to LA, a short two-hour drive from Sunnydale.

Angel looked at his watch. 5:48 PM. He was meeting Abby for drinks at 7 PM, which left him some time to get ready, but not a lot. It was the eighth day of the cruise, but the first full day at sea. After seven days of port hopping along the European coastline, Abby was going to turn her attention to their joint venture.

Angel re-entered the bedroom shaking his head. "I don’t know if I’m disgusted more because I’m havin’ a wet dream like a fourteen year old or because this is the only way I git any these days." As he cleaned up, Angel sighed at the way Buffy could still throw him. And probably always would.

Angel knew what they had was once in a lifetime, even with his unnaturally long one. Ironic that the very thing that kept him around until she was born was the very thing she was called to destroy. He was grateful for the time they had together. Memories of when she loved him as much as he loved her warmed cold nights. Memories that were his greatest treasure and his deepest pain. Memories she didn't share. Obviously, in the deepest parts of his being, he still craved her touch.

Somehow he had found the strength to leave when he needed it. Still, at the time, Angel didn't really believe Buffy would stay away if he were honest with himself. They were drawn to each other like moths to flames. He was reminded of that hideous saying: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it never really was.

He hated that saying. "So trite," he said, as he lit the first of several candles. Buffy completed him, pure and not so simple. She sent him to hell, which could be seen as sort of setting him free. He came back to her. Then at her graduation, he set her free, left Sunnydale, went to Los Angeles. In his heart of hearts, he waited for her to come to him. She always had before.

She did far sooner than he expected. Six months after he left, he'd gone back to Sunnydale to watch over her, prompted by a vision from a friend. He thought he'd done so in secret, but he found out differently when she stood angrily before him at his office in LA.

At first he thought she was angry about his interference, but she made it abundantly clear she was angrier at the games she felt he was playing by not telling her he had visited. As he explained and understanding replaced anger, the air between them became thick with their mutual need. Grudgingly she accepted that she was not only grateful for his intervention, but for his silence. She had brought this hurt on herself, forcing a futile confrontation. Having said what she planned, she began to retreat, hoping that time would dilute their connection. But a Moira demon attacked him, spawning the most precious day in his life. Angel killed that demon like so many, but not before it changed him, made him human.

Angel watched the flames flicker in the shaded room. They reminded him of that wondrous night they shared so long ago. The night they knew they should wait. The night a simple touch of her hand broke the dam of their resolve. The night they made passionate love, all their longing, all their fear, all their desire made manifest in the joining of their bodies. The night that he held her to his chest as she gloried in the beating of his heart. The night he promised her they'd make more nights like that one.

Angel sighed at the memory, his fingers grazing the spot he left on the cold, white sheet before he made the bed. Funny, he distinctly remembered there hadn't been much of a wet spot after they made love, as though her body craved every last morsel it could extract from his. Angel occasionally wondered if a child would have come of that night. Young as she was, he believed she would have welcomed it as much as he would have, yet another gift neither expected to ever receive.

But they would never know. The events later that night convinced him that he had no right to risk her life. He had stupidly gone after the regenerated demon and had almost been killed. Luckily, Buffy knew him very well. As he watched her defeat the demon for good, the old-fashioned side of him saw that he could no longer protect her when she needed it. The more modern one saw the risk she took to keep him safe. As he lay quivering on her lap in the aftermath, he made a decision. He had something to pay for. She did not. It was his penance, not hers. Angel was practical enough to realize that while someone else could make her happy, no one else could save her in those inevitable tight spots. He was willing to pay the price for her life: his mortality, a chance to live a normal life, their happiness, and, ultimately, her memory of their time together. As the day began again erasing the magical one that had been, he watched as it became her turn to walk away from him.

Time did as she had hoped and she went on with her life. Each would show up when they felt the other was in need. They felt each other, but after one charged situation when Angel helped a renegade slayer and the following confrontation with Buffy’s then boyfriend, they seem to come to the mutual conclusion to keep hidden in the shadows. It became an act of defiance to allow the other to help. Neither would set up a situation where the inevitable heart-wrenching talk they must have when they came together would begin.

As time passed, their need of the other became rarer. The Powers That Be kept Angel busy with his own tasks. Buffy grew stronger. Inevitably, they kept tabs on each other, their Scoobies exchanging personal information as well as professional when the need occurred.

Still Angel felt compelled to keep closer tabs on Buffy, going as far as to hire a media clip service to track her activities. It was a real challenge to keep Cordelia from finding the album of clippings, her life without Angel. Dean's list, unexplained disappearance of the chamber of commerce chairman, the grand opening of her fitness club, the mysterious sinkhole that swallowed up the supermarket, her marriage. His dreams of her were frequent back then. It was a tenuous connection, but it didn't hurt her and it was all he had.

He left LA behind on October 29, 2006. The last clip he received before canceling the service was the birth announcement for Eric James, first son of Jeff and Buffy Aldrich. He read the clip over and over. This was what he wanted for Buffy, or so he always professed. It hit him far harder than he expected, even though he knew how badly he wanted it for himself with her. He elected to cope the way a dear friend had. And when the last of Doyle's scotch was gone, Angel added the wrinkled paper to the album and began to pack. There was no need to stay; the Powers That Be could find him wherever he went. At that point, he hadn't been called to help her in over 18 months and he knew with complete certainty someone new commanded greater fealty.

Angel shook away his melancholy thoughts. Looking at the angle and intensity of the light peaking beneath the curtain, Angel guessed he would probably be able to open them after a shower. He padded to the bathroom, turned on the tap and thought about his meeting with Abby.

Abigail Garner was a scion of Miami society, coming from old money, and marrying more of it. At forty-eight, she looked thirty, with legs that would have made Tina Turner jealous. Tall, deceptively muscular with black hair, she had a grace and style born of the best breeding money could buy. Yet Angel knew from experience that rebellion ruled those brown eyes. Abby was no shrinking violet and was therefore perfectly suited to be primary benefactor for  Guardian Angel in Miami. The combination of chairing the board, planning events and teaching the clients some semblance of etiquette brought out the best in her.  _ Plus, _ Angel chuckled,  _ she gets to demand my presence on a regular basis.  _ Abby's current goal was to convince him to attend the New Year's Eve fund-raiser, even if it took the entire cruise to do it. He was looking forward to her persuasion.

It constantly amazed Angel the number of people like Abby who wanted to be involved with  Guardian Angel.  Granted,  Guardian Angel was a most successful runaway shelter with over thirty centers around the world. Something like ten thousand kids got off the streets through GA. Angel credited Cordelia for making it THE charity of choice among those of significant means. But it was for Buffy that Angel made the cause his own.

She once told him about the summer she ran away, the summer after Acathla. She lived in her own personal hell as surely as he did. She saw the way kids lived who thought they were able to take care of themselves, only to fall prey to drugs, prostitution, disease and starvation. Demons, both human and otherwise, feasted on them. It was in helping them that Buffy reclaimed herself.

Angel recognized that same need in Charles Gunn. Not that he wanted to admit it any more than Buffy did.

_ “What you doin’ here?” asked the gang leader when Angel stepped up beside him from out of nowhere. LA’s lights twinkled out before them, brighter than stars. _

__

_ “Skulking. Professionally.” In the scant hours he’d known Gunn, Angel had come to respect the young black man who’d lived most of his life on the streets. He had integrity at a time when moving out and walking away would have been so much easier. Gunn was the kind of person people trusted because he knew what to do. A person who looked out for them, not one who needed looking out for. Even though he needed it as much or more than they did. _

__

_ “Look, I’m glad for what you did, okay,” he told Angel straight. “But I don’t need no ‘Guardian Angel’ and I don’t need no talkin’ to. It’s not gonna change the way things are down here, man. They’re gonna keep coming and we are gonna keep fightin’.” _

__

_ “I know,” Angel replied simply. He’d heard his share of ‘things can be better’ speeches from people ‘that were there to help.’ People who told you what you SHOULD do, but didn’t get their hands dirty doing what NEEDED to be done. _

__

_ “That’s it?” Gunn’s surprise showed in his voice and movement. “You ain’t gonna talk AT me? Be all daddy figure?” _

__

_ “What am I gonna tell you that you haven’t already learned?” _

Years later, Gunn realized that was the moment he began to think of Angel as someone more, someone special. He didn’t give his trust easily, and while this was far from trust, but it was a start.

_ “I’ll be around,” offered Angel announcing his intention to leave. _

__

_ “I don’ need no help,” replied Gunn defiantly. _

__

_ “I might.” _

Stunned again, Gunn turned to look at the vampire, only to find empty air.

It started innocently enough with a prank on those pain-in-the-ass lawyers. Then a recon assignment here, an attack on a demon there. When Gunn’s gang lost their digs to paying tenants, Angel asked them to move in.

_ “I’ve got this whole building,” whined the vampire, as he always did whenever he was talking about something he didn’t want to talk about, “and they’re gonna hit me with taxes if I keep it empty.” _

__

_ “So what you gonna charge us rent?” Gunn shook his head. “Nah, I’ll keep lookin’.” _

_ Angel grabbed for his arm as he walked away. “Listen. Nabitt found this grant…” _

__

_ “Grant?” Gunn stopped and looked back. “I’m listenin’.” _

__

_ “He tells me if I can avoid the whole tax thing if I have a foundation,” he mumbled under his breath. _

__

_ “A what?” _

__

_ “A foundation,” Angel winced. _

__

_ It took Gunn a minute for it to register. “Oh no, man. What you crazy? They’re living with me cause the shelters ain’t safe!” _

__

_ “I know that,” said Angel, quietly looking at this hands. He sat down in the lobby tiredly. “Forget I mentioned it. I just thought...” _

__

_ “Thought you could use me and mine?” finished Gunn, aghast. In the time that he’d known Angel, he’d never have thought he’d ever say that about him. _

__

_ “That I might be able to give the younger ones a chance at some kind of normalcy.” Angel looked up at Gunn. “Where you could do it your way.” _

__

_ Gunn blew out a breath and walked over to sit across from his friend. _

__

_ “You heard me talking to Juan last week?” referring to the twelve year old brother of one of Gunn’s lieutenants. Gunn envied the kid who just wanted to join the basketball team, which unfortunately had practice after dark. Gunn had a hard explaining why he couldn’t, why his life was different. “Skulking professionally again?” _

__

_ “Yeah,” admitted the older man. _

__

_ Gunn shook his head. “Jeez, I knew you smelled good, but damn!” _

__

_ “Well I do shower daily.” _

__

_ “You know what I mean,” said Gunn rolling his eyes. _

__

_ Angel shrugged a small grin. “Just don’t tell Cordy or I won’t stand half a chance avoiding her schemes.” _

__

_ “If I didn’t know better, I’d say this was one of them.” It softened the blow to his ego to think the brunette busybody has something to do with this. _

__

_ “It is.” _

Angel snorted, rinsing out the shampoo. He and Gunn had a good laugh about Cordelia’s meddling ways, but they were both grateful for them, though they’d never admit it.

In the end, Gunn and company moved in. Gunn had a good time whenever a kid stopped them, looking for directions to ‘The Guardian Angel’.

“ _ You asked for it, man,” he’d grin. _

__

_ “Why are they asking for me? It’s your gang.” _

__

_ “But you are the larger than life character with the right name, my friend,” said Gunn with glee, slapping the vampire on the shoulder. “And payback’s a bitch!” _

Angel accepted that he got more than he bargained for with this part of his redemption. He often counseled to be careful what you asked for because you just might get it. He had first hand knowledge of it. Angel, whose most inner dream was to be a father, had become the patriarch of an multinational family.

He had a tough time relating at the beginning. Cryptic guy as Buffy used to call him. Still Angel had learned a lot from Willow, Oz and even Xander in Sunnydale. Angel experienced first hand the effort it took to regain self-respect. Some of these kids never had it to begin with. It was his job to teach it to them. Not that he knew how to.

But he had plenty of opportunity and practice made perfect. Eventually, he found he was most comfortable teaching these constantly under-foot kids' self-esteem and responsibility through action. He showed them in the way he talked to them, the way he walked away from fights, the way defended those in trouble, the way he soothed their fears, the way he kicked butt when they goofed off and the way he never passed judgment. Angel didn’t believe in telling them things weren’t bad or trying to get them to believe something they didn’t. But he also didn’t let them believe that things couldn’t be changed. Life was a series of choices and the best thing they could do was chose what they were most willing to live with, rather than what was easiest. He was a walking example of the latter.

Time passed. Gradually the younger kids grew up. Miraculously, many graduated high school. Some even wanted to go to college. They probably would have gotten scholarships, but they didn’t need financial aid. They had Cordelia, who never quite learned how to keep her thoughts to herself. She just started talking at one of Nabitt’s parties and before they knew it,  Guardian Angel was so chic that it was a social faux pas not to give.

And LA’s rich and famous gave generously. More than enough to send a few kids to college. Enough to warrant special accounting. And a slush fund to pay people to help. Money for more people to patrol and less kids on the street.

It also meant more time schmoozing with the people who gave the money. Everyone wanted to meet Angel.

It drove him nuts. He loved his work with the teens, but the other duties associated with GA just weren't for him. He wasn't that social. Bless Cordelia, she had come to know him so well. He’d always thought that the vision of replicating the center in NYC was a little too convenient. If she ever realized the move coincided with Eric's birth, she mercifully never mentioned it.

In two years, Angel duplicated their success in New York. Amazingly the same formula worked in Chicago, then Atlanta, then New Orleans. He went international to Vancouver, Toronto, Sydney, Melbourne. Back to the states again to Miami, Dallas, Washington. Then to London and most recently Dublin. It was an added bonus that the missing persons count dropped in those cities during those times.

Angel snorted as stepped out of the shower. Wise guys were the same all over the world. After twenty-six years of starting centers, it almost got boring.

First to come were the girls. They were easy. Angel chuckled,  _ Well, sometimes they  _ were _ easy… _ Usually though, they didn’t want to be on the streets. When they realized that GA was really safe, unlike many other shelters, they came in droves. It didn’t hurt that Angel was easy on the eyes.

Inevitably, their pimps thought Angel was muscling in on their action. He was, in a permanent sort of way. Like clockwork, he got shot or stabbed soon after he rescued the first ones. He found the most effective way of dealing was to drop after they shot him, then follow his attackers. Angel took a perverse pleasure in watching their astonished faces when he threw their bullets back at their boss.

_ “You really don’t know who you’re dealing with," he'd say, flashing that feral smile which could cause the undead to shiver. "And I’m really sure you don’t want to know. This is my town now.” Arrogance was a useful tool. _

Should they be really stubborn, he was still strong enough to take down two or three men. He would hurt like all get out and he'd really want to become good friends with his pillow for the next thirty-six hours, but they didn’t need to know that. Rumors would spread, adding to his mystique. These sorts of encounters were so routine he rarely showed his true face anymore. All the people around him knew was that he was invincible. The rep served his purposes, made his life easier.

Boys were more difficult. But Angel was a man's man, always winning  _ I-can-top-this _ . Very few ever learned that he had so much more time to rack up points. Angel learned to speak directly, one to one, and he treated everyone that way. That was his biggest asset. The attitude that won Gunn over stayed true: you were an adult unless you proved otherwise. Those last months in Sunnydale taught him that teenagers were capable of anything, especially when you respected them.

Of course, periodically, someone proved otherwise. Angel took his cue from Gunn, not hesitating to notify the offending party of inappropriate behavior. Angel wasn't above backing it up with a judicious use of force when required. If you were grown up enough to be on the streets, you were grown up enough to take responsibility. He proved that you didn't have to be unlawful or aggressive to be strong.

He came to like his position with  Guardian Angel . The years had been good to him. So good that on occasion he wondered if he'd wake up without a soul one morning. Heck of a thing, having to avoid true happiness. Franchising  Guardian Angel provided an excuse to move on, so he rarely got invested in one place. It took about twenty-four months from the time Angel arrived to when the center could be self-supporting. By the time people began to wonder why he wasn’t married or why he didn't age, he was gone.

Still many of his charges stayed in touch. Email was a wonderful way to keep in touch with his chosen family. He found it very rewarding to see the long-term results of his work unlike so many of his other facets of his life. While he was fond of most of them, Angel had his favorites. Keith wormed his way into Angel's life in spite of his best efforts to avoid him.

Angel found Keith one night in an alley trying to fight off a trio of vamps. They were toying with Keith the way a cat brings her kittens a stunned mouse. Angel had to admire Keith's stamina and desire to live. Partially drained and badly scratched, he kept his wits about him keeping the vamps off balance by being physically defensive but verbally offensive. Angel dispatched one of the younger vamps and focused on the senior demon. Angel's height and ability were formidable even among vampires, so it didn't take too much to take out the second. Angel turned to see the third burst into dust. It had been almost comical to watch the look in Keith's eyes as he went down. You could just see him think ' _ Oh great, NOW I'm going pass out.' _

Angel took him back to GA Miami. Angel didn't know he was going to get a shadow. Every time Angel turned around, Keith was there. At first it was annoying. He didn't like someone in his space. And while Keith didn't exactly mimic Angel, he had a serious case of idol worship. It made Angel uncomfortable, but Keith was so blasted nice it was hard to not like him.

In a strange way, Keith gave as much as he got. He listened and soothed. He protected and taught. Teens and adults admired him and were drawn to his strength and appeal. Pretty soon Angel just took it for granted that Keith would be around. In fact, he liked having Keith around.

_ Well, I do when Keith isn't stealing my shirts, _ Angel sighed, when the one he wanted to wear this evening wasn't there. Once again, Keith beat him to it. Selecting an alternative, Angel knew it was counter-productive to get angry. Keith would just sit there contrite, say all the right things and steal another shirt when he needed it. Angel taught Keith a lot of things, including how to dress. Keith just didn't like to iron. And when Keith didn't want to do something, he didn't do it.

Ten years and twelve inches later, Angel and Keith looked and acted like family. The first time someone asked him if he was proud of his brother, Angel did a double take. After all, Keith had gray eyes and sandy blond hair. But Angel hadn't consciously noticed he actually had to look up at Keith. Shadowing Angel, Keith couldn't help but develop a body builder's physique. Angel was still more classically handsome, but Keith had his own bookish appeal. So combined with their closeness, Angel could see why people came to that conclusion.

Although right now, Angel expected people would be puzzled how ‘brothers’ could sound so different. After a year in Ireland, Angel’s accent had come back in full force. Of course it really wasn’t an accent to him, but he expected he’d sound ‘normal’ again after a few weeks in the states.

Angel glanced at the clock. 6:30 PM. He opened the curtains to the deck. Angel looked out the glass doors, appreciating the display and thankful that the angle of the rays allowed him to watch the setting sun glinting off the water. After a few moments, he put on a double-breasted black blazer and headed for the door. On his way out, he blew out the candles, confident they had rid the room of any telltale odors.

Angel shared Buffy with no one.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith frowned as he surveyed the bar. "You know, I thought cruises were supposed to have lots of babes.”

Angel just laughed.

“I mean, okay, I figured I was just missing them,” Keith continued. “We’ve been in different ports all week, I know I’VE been exhausted when I got back to the ship…”

“An’ sawin’ wood in the cabin twelve hours a night…” piped Angel.

“…doesn’t help when you’re hunting, I know. But we’ve been at sea for about… eighteen hours? and…” Keith threw his hands up helplessly. When Angel just smiled indulgently, Keith continued. “I’ve been to the casino, the night club, the show room, and now the bar. The best I can figure, they just aren’t here,” muttered Keith. “Do you know who I got stuck with at dinner?

Angel chortled. “I saw.”

“Can you believe it? She was worse than Mrs. Garner!”

“Tha bad?” smiled Angel, knowing he and Abby conspired to parade Keith around like her prom date, revenge for constant shirt stealing among other offenses. The agony on Keith's face was priceless.  _ Payback’s a bitch.  _ Angel had no idea how Abby kept her composure.

“Yeah! But at least her check has an obnoxious number of zeros. And she knows what to do with her hands!”

Angel winced. “Still, you seem’d t’ be havin’ a delightful time,” teased Angel.

“I’ve gotten a lot of practice, since you insist on showing me off.”

“Finally startin’ t’ get a return on m’investment. ‘Bout time ye started earnin’ yer keep. Speakin’ a which…” Angel held up his empty glass.

“It’s a good thing I like you, old man…” Keith warned. As he headed off toward the bar, he reminded Angel, “By the way, you still sound funny.”

Angel shook his head, both at his reacquired accent and at Keith’s impatience. He and Keith might look the same age, but there was a world of difference between them. It only started with the accents. When it came to women, Keith was a late bloomer and just starting to come into his own.

“Well, I see lady luck hasn't left me. I'm sorry I'm late."

Angel looked up to find a stunning, though clearly older, woman in a crimson evening gown, strapless with a slit to her mid-thigh, holding a full champagne flute. "Ye're always worth the wait. Ye look exquisite this evenin’," Angel said getting up.

“Gallant as ever,” Abigail Garner said as Angel seated her at the end of the table. She looked around casually. “Where’s the ubiquitous Keith Maxwell?”

Angel pointed in the direction of the bar. “He’s run off t’ git m’ another drink.”

“And I missed watching him walk away," Abby pouted.

“Ye’re insatiable.”

“You should know." Abby flashed a sly grin at him.

“Now, now, ye’re married,” he chided.

“Not for much longer, thank goodness. So I’m searching for new prospects.”

“Both you and Keith it seems. Actually, he’s quite put out about the ‘prospects’ on this ship.”

“Oh, there won’t be many for him. The average passenger age goes up in proportion to the number of days at sea. Mostly old fogies like me on a cruise like this.”

“I would hardly call ye an old fogy…strikin’ perhaps." One thing that hadn't changed over the years was Angel's appreciation for beautiful, confident women.

“Flattery will get you everywhere. Of course, not all of us can age as gracefully as you, darling,” she purred, leaning into him to run her fingers across the evening stubble of his chin.

“Shhhh…” said Angel playfully, placing his index finger over his lips. He took her hand in his.

“Oh, not that anyone would really believe you are, what, close to three hundred?”

“Not quite yet. Don’t make m’ older than I actually am.” He lightly kissed her fingers before releasing them. “Remember, I don't count the years before the change.”

“Sounds like you went through menopause or something," she said wryly. "Well, since I wasn't around for the last birthday, congratulations. You know, in America we have a tradition involving spanking…”

“Oh, I’m familiar with that custom, Abby. I’m sure ye would oblige.”

“It would be a sacrifice…” she sighed.

“Nice try. Keep dreamin’…”

“I do, I do,” she sighed, this time with finality. “But I’ve had my turn, haven’t I?”

“Yes, ye have.”

“Ooo, to be forty again.”

“Ye never give up, do ye, Abby? Ye know it had nothin’ t’ do with yer age…”

“And everything to do with my third husband. He really wasn’t much of a consolation prize, but at least he didn’t have a commitment phobia,” she said, jabbing Angel’s arm playfully.

Angel rolled his eyes. “An’ ye know I don’t stay anywhere very long. Actually, ye should feel flattered. I stay’d in Miami for almost three years.”

“You aren’t fooling me, Angel. I don’t think there’s a woman alive you’d give your heart to. You stayed because of Keith.”

“I suppose I did. He gets under yer skin.”

“Oh, I’d like to get under him…”

Angel chuckled at his lusty friend. “Ye may have a chance. Give him a few more days with his dinner companion. He was complainin’ she DIDN’T know what t’ do with ‘er ‘ands.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really. He may be so grateful t’ you for rescuin’ him from said fate that he might see what he’s missin’…”

“And do you know what you’re missing…?”

“I do. And that’s why I’m over here and you’re over there,” Angel patted his hands on the table for emphasis.

“Angel, it’s not fair,” she pouted. “Why did you have to ‘like’ me? It was so much fun when we fucked like bunnies…”

“Such language,” scolded Angel, making a ‘tsk, tsk, motion with his hands. “What can I say? I’m a pushover for a woman who can appreciate classical music and keep ‘er wits about ‘er in a street fight.”

Abigail chuckled. “Who knew those self defense lessons Hubby No. 2 insisted I take would come in handy?”

“I certainly judged wrong on that chase.” Angel shook his head. “Never expected him t’ take a hostage. I must say the only thin’ more sickenin’ than fingernails on a chalkboard must be spiked heels goin’ through bone…”

“Well, I  _ thought _ I didn’t stand a chance when he shot you…

“I knew it was comin’, always do. I was more concerned about what he was goin’ t’ do with you.”

“Lucky they still make metal trash can lids.”

“Speak for yerself. Ye beaned me good. I saw stars,” he accused.

“Oh, poor baby, I’m sorry. But you can’t blame me. I never expected you to move again.”

“Quite an illustrious beginin’ t’  Guardian Angel Miami. Didn’t think I'd find an “angel” so quickly.”

“Well, I had to have a reason to see you. And since I don’t fit the client profile, I had to become a patron.”

“Seriously, Abby, I don’t think I could have established the branch as fast as I did without ye,” said Angel, the pitch of his voice lilting in a way that made Abby tingle.

“They’re just as much my kids as they are yours, Angel. Speaking of which, do you remember Antoine?”

Angel thought for a moment. “Little guy, came in with a wicked case of pink eye?”

“Yep. He was just elected to the city commission. I think he’ll be appointed to the subcommittee on urban renewal or whatever the buzz word is these days.”

“Congratulations. Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“The best. Now this has always bothered me. Why can you feel good about Antoine and not about me?”

“You, my dear, fall into the completely personal category. And for every kid like Antoine that makes it, I remember one that didn’t and one that should have. Amends are a never endin’ project.”

"Angel, I have a very difficult time believing you were as destructive as you say."

"I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyway, do ye mind if we talk business another time?”

"Sure. I'm not much in a mood for it myself. We've got the rest of the cruise to set the date for the fund-raiser."

“Abby, I don’t know if I'll be able t’ attend yet. I need t’ spend some time in LA." Angel dropped his eyes for a moment. When they rose again, Abby saw genuine worry in them. "It's not well known, but Cordelia has cancer.”

"Oh, Angel…" Abby concern equaled Angel’s.

"Yeah," he grimaced. "It's lymphoma and she's got six more rounds of chemotherapy t’ go. She has a good chance of beating it, but she has t’ concentrate on her recovery."

Abby nodded her head knowingly. "And Cordelia's not cutting back on any of her other activities."

"Right. Gunn called me a few weeks ago about it. He was in LA for the annual meeting of executive directors and said Cordy was looking worn about the edges. Gunn knows her very well, so he suspects most don't know the toll this is taking on her."

"So he suggested you head back because you're the only one that even has a small chance of getting Cordelia to take it easy."

"Exactly. I spoke with Cordelia's assistant, who is highly capable of running the office. The problem is Wayne is also very young. So I'll be around for appearance's sake. Cordelia is really very lucky t’ have him. He understands her so well."

"So he's not upset that you're coming?"

"No. If anything I'm a little hesitant t’ get in his way. Really it's time I get back t’ work. I’ve been playing hooky.”

“How so?” asked Abby, a bit surprised.

“Well, I go through these black moods periodically.”

“No offense Angel, but your nicknames been ‘broody boy’ for a reason.”

“True,” Angel shrugged a smile at being known so well. “This is blacker than normal. Call it depression, call it burn out, call it whatever ye like, but the bottom line is I hide. Push everyone away. Focus on fighting my inner demons, pardon the pun. Anyway, I haven’t been active at a  Guardian Angel for a year.”

“Well for goodness sake, Angel! I think you’re entitled to a sabbatical. You’ve been moving none stop for, oh, thirty years? Come on, with GA, we’ve got an eighty percent redemption rate. And that’s about average. There are forty-seven shelters around the world. You’ve personally started fourteen of them!”

Angel shook his finger. “You been writing grants again, haven't you? Might as well get it right. I started twelve. Gunn really started LA, I just provided the roof. And like I said, I spent the last year, cloistered in Galway.”

“So that’s where you’ve been hiding. Ah, no wonder the accent came back…”

“See, I knew ye noticed I wasn’t at any of the meetin’s last year,” wiggling his finger at Abby. “Now don’t ye start teasin me about it. I get more than enough from Keith. Anyway, since he was determined to keep an eye on me, he excuse to be in Ireland. Starting the Dublin chapter was an convenient excuse. Funny thin’ is, he hasn’t realized yet that ‘earned his wings’ this year, so to speak. Now he’s ready t’ fly away from the nests.”

“And that’s the very self-effacing attitude that makes GA such a success. And they all take that attitude. It doesn’t matter if they clean up and move on or if they stay and make GA their life’s work."

Abby was certainly waxing nostalgic this evening. He was less than comfortable with all the accolades. So many people were essential to making GA work, needing redemption and healing themselves, though not to the degree that he did. Angel didn’t want to dwell on his minuscule roll, so he tried to lighten the mood. “Sometimes I think 'graduates' start branches in their own home towns just because they know I’ll visit.”

She ignored his efforts. “And it’s not just the kids looking for someplace safe. You may have given it your name, but you share it. My involvement with GA gave my life meaning beyond this season's fashions and playing golf. It’s so easy to forget what’s important.”

“Come on, Abby. It’s not like ye t’ sell yerself short.”

“Like I said, ever gracious. You certainly opened my eyes. Like I said, I may never have given birth, but those kids are still mine just the same.”

“Yeah, well, I'm looking forward t’ getting’ back into the swing of thin’s. And sendin’ Keith out on his own. It's long overdue." Angel looked around. "Speakin’ of Keith, I think he fell overboard.”

“Doubtful. Maybe he saw me and beat a hasty retreat.”

“Maybe. Or maybe he found a prospect."

“Or maybe his dinner companion found him.”

“Ugh,” grunt Angel. “Why am I always lookin’ after him?"

"Because he does the same for you. You get shot less that way. Do me a favor, love? Find a replacement for Keith?"

"I don’t plan these thin’s. He just started hangin’ around. Just happened. Like a lot of things in my life." Angel stood up and buttoned his blazer.

“So what's wrong with taking control of it for once? Okay, okay, " Abby quickly backpedaled at the look on Angel's face. "Should I stop by tomorrow?” Abby looked hopefully. She knew she would never find him if he didn’t want to be found.

“Absolutely. Call me first. Make sure I'm awake."

"I could give you a wake-up call?" she asked hopefully.

Angel shook his head in exasperation. Abby never gave up. "Ye know, women like you, women who are not quite as they seem, are irresistible. And it’s my downfall.”

Abby raised her empty champagne glass. “Here’s to your downfall, then.”

Angel couldn’t resist smiling wickedly, “I guess I’m lucky toasts in empty glasses don’t count.” He took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it sensuously. He winked and left.


	4. Chapter 4

Angel headed toward the bar and spoke to the hostess. Keith had in fact seen him with Abby, decided to give up for the evening and headed back to the cabin to play video games. Angel had been cooped up there all day. He wasn’t ready to turn in, especially because Keith would want to play the game du jour and he wasn’t in the mood to be trounced.

Instead, Angel left the bar and headed toward the dining room, years of patrolling sending him to places he didn't need to be. One never knew where one would find interesting things. Since it was the end of the last sitting, few passengers were around.

He just reached the side dining room door, when he heard behind him, “Would you hold the door?”

“Sure,” he replied automatically, reaching for the door handle.

“Thanks,” said the young lady who scooted past him carrying a blazing birthday cake.

“No problem.” Absently he followed her path to a table at the end of the dining room. When he saw the recipient, Angel froze.

She was the last person he expected to see here. She was still breathtakingly beautiful. There she stood, her hair more ash than blond, her eyes twinkling, her laugh deeper, more sultry, her curves more soft and round. She had a magnetic aura of self-assurance that only comes with experience, comes with having been challenged and having learned that you can handle what life presents you. He knew life presented her with more than almost any.

He took a second look at the person carrying the cake and saw she was a taller, darker, younger version of the birthday girl. He assumed the man beside her and woman holding the baby were family members too, even though the resemblance wasn't as strong. Angel chuckled when a smiling redhead stood up to hug her. Some things never change. Others have to…

_ They stood in a graveyard, recovering from their recent battle. Dismay covered her face. Damned inconvenient time for her to start thinking about the future. _

__

_ "So this is our future? This is how we’re gonna spend our nights when I’m 50 and you’re…the same age you are now?" _

__

_ Angel grappled with an answer. Before he could form a coherent thought, he heard a fierce growl behind her. "Let’s just get you to 50…" _

“Happy 50th, m’ love,” he murmured softly, his lips turning up slightly in a bittersweet smile.

Abby doubted he'd given his heart to anyone. But then, she'd never met Buffy.

********* 

Angel ducked out when they started singing. He strode quickly past the pool deck to the bow. The night was cold and salty and the stars shone brightly over the Atlantic. The water lapping against the ship provided a strangely fitting soundtrack for the images that flooded his mind unchecked. Angel braced himself into the ship's rail as he fought to stay in the present.

_ It's good for her to get away _ , he thought. A cruise was the perfect escape for someone in their line of work. Vampires usually didn't take cruises, especially with global transportation these days. Besides, cruise directors had a nasty habit of keeping track of people. Not really conducive to getting a meal. Of course, he was the exception. He not only had the meal thing down, he liked the feeling of being in a gentler era.

A gentler era. Like those rare moments of certainty and bliss when she was in high school. When neither of them had doubts…

_ They met in the cemetery, cuddled against a headstone. They needed the time together to banish the stinging words thrown at them by the mayor of Sunnydale the night before. "We'll be okay," she confirmed. _

__

_ "We will," he replied confidently, wanting to keep her happy just a little while longer. _

Angel half chuckled, half sighed into the night air. Were they ever okay together? He still didn't know. What he did know was that in spite of passed time, the impossible circumstances and what he told everyone else, he still longed for her touch.

__

_ The career fair had made a tough week for Buffy. He knew how different she felt. He had taken her to the ice rink so she could block out the world and feel normal for a couple of hours. The Order of Taraka had other plans. This assassin had failed, but who knew where the next one lurked. "Let's just get you someplace safe!" Fear and expectation still coursed through him, so his true face remained. _

__

_ "No! Your eye!" He shook her away when she started to examine the wound on his brow. She wouldn't be pushed away that easily. "Hey! Don't be a baby. I'm not gonna hurt you." _

_ "It's not that. I..." _

__

_ "What?" _

__

_ She forced him to speak his shame. "You shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this." He braced himself against her recoil. _

__

_ Instead she surprised him. "Oh." She had no fear, no shame. She touched his brow, his cheek, his face, gently, love in every caress. Then she looked him dead in the eye. "I didn't even notice." Then she kissed him. His true being. He lost himself in the way she loved him completely. _

He missed the confused look on her face when she misinterpreted a word he used.

_ Buffy was depressed. Two children had been killed and there were no leads. "Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like that kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck." _

__

_ "Dike," he corrected automatically. She looked at him strangely. He could see the mental wheels turning, wondering what a lesbian had to do with the kid. He chuckled, "It's another word for dam." _

__

_ "Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now." _

__

_ He smiled inside and out as he watched her process this new word. _

He missed her snappy retorts.

_ Buffy and Darla faced off at the Bronze over him. Angel's sire wanted him back and Buffy dead. He knew Darla was deadly–she taught him their craft. Though Buffy was young, she was also strong, so Darla chose to attack emotionally first. "Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?" _

__

_ Only Buffy was not simply strong, she was far from stupid. She gave it right back. "Bad hair on top of that outfit?" _

He missed the way her mind created a plan.

_ Buffy had had it. Everyone in the library knew it by her determined walk. Giles had a right to be worried. "Buffy, but you can't just go off half-cocked," her watcher warned. _

__

_ "I have a plan. Angel and I go to the factory and do recon, figure out how far they've gotten assembling the Judge. You guys check any places the boxes could be coming into town. Shipping yards, airports, anything. We need to stop them from getting all the boxes in one place." _

__

_ Well that shut Giles up. "Yes. Yes, well, um, actually, that's quite a good plan." Angel knew enough not to argue with her in the first place. _

The way they worked together.

_ Balthazar, seeking to reclaim his amulet and strength, captured Giles and Wesley. Angel watched from the east end of the building, Buffy from the west for an opening to rescue the two. The demon grew angrier by the minute because Giles would not reveal that Angel had the amulet. Finally Balthazar gave Angel an opportunity when he screamed, "The man who has my amulet. What is his name?" _

__

_ Watching Buffy leap from her perch, he strode purposefully toward the demon. "His name is Angel." _

The way they worked out, knowing he didn’t have to hold back.

_ It was becoming habit. They would meet at his place, work out, talk and maybe catch a quick bite. This night's workout was more playful, although it didn't hurt any less when she flipped him after he thought he pinned her. They came at each other again. Again, he thought he was doing all right until she kicked his legs out from under him. Before he knew it, she staked him with a loaf of bread. "Gotcha!" she cried in triumph. _

The way she would match whatever he threw at her.

_ He knew something was bothering her. Had been ever since she returned from summer vacation in LA. She was subtly provoking everyone around her, almost daring them to keep up. Overconfidence would lead to carelessness, so he followed her. She didn't appreciate his backup and didn’t hesitate to tell him so. _

__

_ "You think you could take me?" _

__

_ "What?" he asked, her brashness once again astounding him. _

__

_ "Come on, you must have wondered…a vampire, the Slayer, I know you've thought about it. If it came down to a fight…could you take me? Why don't we find out?" _

__

_ They shouldn’t waste their energy on each other. "I'm not gonna fight you." _

__

_ "No? Big strong vampire like yourself?" _

__

_ "Buffy…" he warned. _

__

_ "Come on. Kick my ass." She looked him dead in the eye, hands strong yet seductive on her hips. _

God, she had moxie, snorted Angel in his musings. Buffy not only had strength of body, but strength of mind, heart and spirit.

_ He felt unsteady like a head rush when you get up too fast after just waking up. He held her, leaning against her to keep his balance. "Close your eyes…" she said lovingly. So he did… _

__

Angel closed his eyes and rocked against the rail, remembering the force of the steel sliding into his abdomen. He looked out over the stars glinting on the waves, recalling the shock he felt, not physical pain. That came later in the other dimension. They never really talked about that night or what happened before he left that first time. Such a civilized euphemism for those three months without his soul when he tried to destroy her from the inside out. 

"I seem to have a flair for the understatement this evening," Angel whispered to the sea. Images and bits of conversation flashed through his mind.

_ His mind gloried in her torment. She stood before him, reeling from what should have been words of devotion after her first night of love. First the bait. "You were great. Really." Then the hook. "I thought you were a pro…" Ah, it really was just like riding a bike—you never forget how. _

__

_ He'd planned on leaving their bodies littered around the school. To find your allies massacred in your own territory destroyed mental and emotional resistance. He started easy, with Willow. He should have known she'd recover from their earlier encounter faster than the average girl. Still she fought for him. Futilely. Proudly showing his true face, her best friend at his mercy, he showed her none. "Dream on, schoolgirl. Your boyfriend is dead…" _

__

_ In spite of, or maybe because of, the reversal of fortune, she triumphed. Kept her wits and defeated the Judge. He hated her more for forcing him to retreat. He fled into the movie theater—a dead end. His only defense was a strong offense. "You know what the worst part was? Pretending that I loved you. If I'd known how easily you'd give it up, I wouldn't have even bothered…" _

__

_ He loved mind games. He tried to play with her and her friends, but they weren't interested. He decided to try her mother next. But Buffy had warned her too–that wasn't playing fair. No reason he should. They reached the porch, Joyce obviously thrown by his menacing demeanor. Now, for the pièce de la résistance. "I haven't been able to sleep since the night we made love…" he let the words drift off his tongue pathetically, reveling in Joyce's shock. _

__

_ He started to look forward to their meetings. But tonight he heard she had the flu… "You know, you being off your game's kinda takin' the fun out of all this." He easily swung, she staggered back. "Nope, still fun…" _

__

_ He was amused at the determined look in her eyes. He knew he had to keep her there long enough for Druscilla to raid the library, but he never expected she would help him. Of course, he couldn't care less why, just that it served his purpose. When time had elapsed, he called her bluff. "Y-you never learn, do you? This wasn't about you. This was never about you." He called out joyfully as she ran for the library, "and you fall for it every single time!" _

__

_ She had dared to take the offensive, invading his home. With Spike no less. He would deal with his traitorous childe momentarily, but now he intended to savor the kill. She cowered before him, huddled against the wall in the garden. It was a sweet moment. "Now that's everything, huh? No weapons…No friends…No hope. Take all that away and what's left?" He plunged. _

__

_ "Me," she responded, stopping his blade mid-thrust. Forty-seconds later, he was on his knees at her mercy. Doing what had to be done. _

Buffy was always what was left when all was said and done. She was incredible like no one Angel ever knew before or since. She had an infinite capacity to care for and care about. And to forgive.

_ It was minutes from dawn. Then he would cause no pain nor would he have any. But she wouldn't leave him alone. He jerked his arm free of her grasp. In her anger and desperation Buffy struck him. Automatically, he shoved her away roughly, making her fall face forward, hard to the ground. He'd done it again. " Oh, my God..." He meant to comfort her as his last action, but she cowered before him. _

__

_ "No! No!" _

__

_ What was her problem? How much of a masochist was she to fight for him, especially when she obviously feared him? He grabbed her roughly by the arms and held her firmly. Somehow he had to make her see. "Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!" _

__

_ He had reduced the Slayer to tears. Still she fought for him. She started playing dirty, speaking the truth from the depths of her soul. "What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help." She shoved him on his ass as anger replaced fear. "And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard…and that you can hurt me so much." She took a deep breath though a sob. "I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't." She whispered softly "I can't." _

Angel took a deep breath wanting to feel the cool air fill his lungs. Vampires drew breath not for sustenance but for speech. For Angel, it was a connection to his human soul. One he didn't deserve to have.

He gave up a long time ago trying to figure out how or why he came back to this world. Memories of hell were sketchy, his conscious mind blocking out overwhelming horrors he couldn't handle. It was one of the reasons he could relate so well to the kids at GA. They all thought he was being figurative when he told them he'd been to hell and back.

Angel was lucky Buffy hadn't staked him on sight that night in the park after his return. He was out of his mind with pain, desperation and fear. After all he'd done to her six months before, she still took care him the best way she could. She hid him while he healed, brought him nourishment to regain his strength, and just stayed with him while he fought to regain his sanity.

_ Spike returned to Sunnydale, six months after he had escaped with Druscilla, while Angel and Buffy battled to the death in front of Acathla. However, Dru didn't appreciate his sacrifice, leaving Spike alone and desolate. Both Angel and Buffy had mocked his pain. Spike shoved their unmistakable similarities in their collective faces, where they could not hide. "Love isn't brains, children, it's blood…blood screaming inside you to work its will." _

It was screaming at him now as it always did whenever she was around. To find her. To hold her. To talk to her and memorize how her voice had changed. To see if her body felt differently against his. To kiss her. To love her as she loved him.

_ She was scared. Her trust in him was shaken. But she was the Slayer, so she wasn't afforded the opportunity that normal people had. Time could not heal her heartache because she had none to spare. So he forced the issue, hoping to convince her without pushing her away. "Hey, I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it." _

Instead, on this ship, he would avoid her.

_ He sat in the garden, mulling over Spike's painful words. He heard soft footfall behind him. A smile graced his face as he turned, it fell when he met her gaze. He wasn't going to like this conversation. Nothing had yet wounded him as deeply. "I'm not coming back." _

Because he loved her.

_ It was another of those gut-wrenching sewer talks. The fire they felt wouldn't be ignored. "It is confusing…" Angel grappled for words. "When we're apart, it's easier. It hurts. Everyday. But I live with it." Even through the stench, the fragrance that was Buffy Summers was intoxicating. "But…now…you…you're right here…an…and I can actually reach out an…It's more than confusing…it's unbearable…" _

_ "But we have to bear, right? I mean, what else can we do? It doesn't work with us. It can't." _

__

_ "No. No, I can't give you a life or a future or anything a real girl would want." _

A family. A normal life. If the smile on her face this evening was any indication, she had attained a modicum of normalcy. She was happy. Truly, her happiness was what mattered most to him. He made the right decision.

_ She tried to read his mind. He'd played his role in their deception of Faith too well. Buffy didn't believe he found no pleasure in kissing the other Slayer. The only proof he offered was the truth. "There's no comparison. In two hundred forty three years, I've loved exactly one person." _

While that was no longer true, Buffy was still his first. She taught him how to love, that there were no half measures.

A door opened behind him. The noise startled him out of his trance and force of habit sent him into the shadows. A good thing too…had he really been out here all night?

A figure walked purposefully past his hiding spot.  _ She still feels me _ Angel smiled softly. When she started clearing deck chairs, he realized he was wrong. She didn't know he was there. He was surprised. He thought he already knew all the ways to ache over this woman.

She put her towel down in the cold January air and closed her eyes. The sweats she wore made her look tinier than she was. He watched her as she rolled up from the crouch position–feet, hips, spine, shoulders and finally her neck, rolling her head into perfectly stable alignment. She took a deep breath and turned to bow to the east. She had gained so much grace, so much fluidity in those eastern exercises he taught her so long ago.

_ They stood in front of the great fireplace, practicing Tai Chi. Standing side by side, Buffy watched Angel's moves, mirroring them. They turned so she stood in front of him. Before he knew what he was doing, Angel took the two steps over to Buffy and placed his hands over hers. She looked up at his hands on hers as he pulled her arms down and around her. She slowly turned to face him, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. Their lips almost met when Buffy pulled away… _

He should go, but now, like then, he couldn't resist her. He watched, sheltered by a bulkhead. Buffy didn’t see him, shadowed by the rising sun behind the alcove. She so mesmerized him, that he didn't notice the other person watching them.

She ended and bowed to the newly risen sun. He ducked in through the door in the bulkhead and carefully made his way back to his cabin, avoiding the morning sunlight as it crept through doorways.

Four more days on a ship with her. In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. More time with her than in the last thirty-two years. Abruptly he thought about a dream long ago, similar to the one he had this afternoon.

_ Angel sat at Buffy's side, looking down at her, waiting for her to awaken. He reached for her hand with his. They touched fingertips briefly before intertwining their fingers and clasping hands. She faced him sitting on his lap with her legs circling round his waist. They kissed passionately, holding each other as closely as possible, caressing each other tenderly. Buffy tugged at Angel's shirt, and he helped her pull it up and off, baring his chest. Angel slipped the satin pajama top from Buffy's shoulders. They held each other tightly as they kissed longer and more intensely. They laid in bed together, making gentle passionate love. Then Angel rolled on top of her, kissing Buffy where her neck joined her shoulder. He slid his hand up and along her outstretched arm, reaching and clasping her hand as they continued making love. _

She once told him that she could feel him even when she didn't see him. But after enough time…As he entered the cabin quietly to not disturb Keith, he thought ruefully,  _ I guess enough time as passed for her _ . Enough had not for him.


	5. Chapter 5

Buffy looked up from her morning meditation to see her daughter standing ten feet in front of her holding a bottle of water.

"Mornin', sleepy head." Buffy smiled as her daughter approached yawning. "What are you doing up so early?"

"The baby woke up fussy. Couldn't get back to sleep. Jeez it's cold out here."

"Mollie stopped by?" said Buffy, concerned she wasn't around when her daughter-in-law needed her.

"No, I heard him through the wall. Mollie changed and fed him, but he wanted no part of quieting down."

"Hmm. He's too old to be getting colic," said Buffy, trying to figure out what was causing her grandson's distress.

"Maybe it's got something to do with traveling so much. But Eric was just taking a crack at him when I left," said Katie, handing her mother the bottle.

"You know, I don't know what it is, but Eric really has a way with Jeffrey." Buffy's pride in her son's parenting ability was obvious. For a single mom, she did all right.

"I just wish Mollie would stop thinking she's a bad mom and get over letting Eric take him. Whatever works."

"Come on, cut her some slack." Buffy took a swallow. "Jeffrey's her first baby and he's only six months old. It takes a while to get into the swing of things. You'll understand when you have your first."

"Uh-uh. Not me," said Katie, shaking her head emphatically. "Nope. I'll stick to being a fantastic aunt."

"Protest a little louder if it'll make you feel better," Buffy winked at her daughter. "I didn't think I'd want to be a mom either. Now I think you guys were the greatest gifts I was ever given."

"Sooo, does that mean you'll be getting your greatest gift a set of her own car keys when we get back?" Katie prodded hopefully.

"We'll see how you do on your written test," replied Buffy noncommittally as she gathered her stuff. "I suspect driving is doing to take a back seat to slaying."

"Ooo, bad pun, Mom."

"What can I say? I'm a punny person."

"MOM!" exclaimed Katie. "Keep it up and I won't buy my favorite mom breakfast like I was going to."

"Well, since breakfast's included, I'll let ya." Buffy reached up and swung an arm over her only daughter's shoulder. "When did you get so tall? What have I been feeding you?"

"Lately, anything that's not nailed down," lamented Katie as mother and daughter started walking toward the breakfast area set up near the enclosed pool deck. "One definite plus of this Slayer thing is that I work off everything I eat."

"Work what off? And you think you’re hungry now? You're only training. The real fun is when we get back to Sunnydale." Buffy noticed the strange look in her daughter's eyes as they sat down at a table on the nearly deserted deck. "What?"

"I still can't believe all this is happening. Five weeks ago I was worried about quadratic equations. Then this English guy shows up outside the club and everything changes."

"Little scary."

"Yeah. I've changed and I didn't even know it."

"That’s life. Kinda sneaks up on you."

"Yeah.” Katie proceeded to unfold her napkin. “I can't believe you know what it's like. That you kept all of this from Eric, Kevin and me."

"It's not exactly sandbox talk." Buffy began speaking in a higher pitch. "My mommy's a vampire Slayer, what's yours?" She returned to her normal voice. "Would've made you real popular." Buffy paused as a waiter approached the table. He nodded toward Buffy, who gestured to Katie.

"I'll have an orange juice," Katie told the waiter. "And I'll help myself to the buffet."

"Make that two," seconded Buffy. The waiter smiled and left.

"So, what OTHER secrets are you keeping?" asked Katie, turning her attention back to her mom.

"Secrets?"

"Yeah, secrets. Like who that guy was."

"Who was who?" Buffy asked as she delicately picked out some smoked mahi-mahi from the buffet.

"The guy watching you this morning. Over by the bulkhead."

Buffy looked up from the scrambled eggs. "Somebody was watching me?"

Katie took the spoon from her mother. "Yeah, he was at your party last night too."

"I didn't see anyone."

"I dunno, maybe I'm seeing things. Probably nothing. I really didn't get a good look"

"Don't dismiss it. This is a key lesson," said Buffy, instructing her daughter on the fine art of slaying. "Trust your instincts. Your awareness, your hunches, they're going to get stronger. Listen to them. Combined with your dreams, they'll give you an idea when to keep your guard up the most."

"Dreams. If I can get any sleep with Jeffrey in the next room."

"That's why I do the nap thing. You'll find one of the changes is needing less sleep. But you still need a couple of four hour chunks to get that REM sequence in."

"REM sequence?"

"Rapid eye movement. Happens when you dream and it's an important part of being really rested. It happens in four-hour blocks. Which is why doctors recommend getting eight hours of sleep. Two REM sequences. Native American legend has it that the spirit needs the time to travel."

"How do you do that?" asked Katie, sitting back down at their table.

"Do what?"

"Know so much."

"About legends and myths? Comes with the territory. Oh, thank you," said Buffy to the waiter who brought their drinks.

"I'm never gonna catch up, am I?" said Katie, picking up her orange juice.

"Yeah, you will. I was so clueless when I started. You are so far ahead of where I was. One, you're a good student. Second, you're an accomplished martial artist."

"Helps when your mother runs a fitness club. What else was I supposed to do while you worked? I can do only so much home work."

"Nevertheless, you're ahead of the game. The background stuff will come quickly for you. You already spend a lot of time with Giles. He's the best at that and tactics. And since you don't have to hide your calling from your mom, you won't have half the angst I did."

"Did Grandma ever find out?"

"Yup, right before what was probably my most difficult battle. Finding out that there is this other world is difficult for most people. Finding out that your daughter has been fighting it is mind blowing."

"What did she do?"

"Threatened me. Told me if I walked out to never come back."

"No way!"

"Yep. So I didn't. Ran away for the summer. Actually, it wasn't just her reaction, but she pushed me right to the edge. Obviously I survived the battle, but I didn't think there was anything to go back to. I just needed to be alone."

Katie nodded. "Stay clear of Mom. When you put up your 'Give me some space' vibes, it's over to Aunt Willow's or Poppy's I go."

Buffy snorted. "I do get rather grumpy, don't I?"

"Grumpy? That's putting it mildly."

"But you're starting to understand why. Slaying not only requires physical strength, but mental and emotional strength as well. In some ways, they're more important. Which leads me back to the original point. Unfortunately, getting enough sleep will be tough for you for a while, with going to school and patrolling." Buffy smiled assurance at her youngest child. “But don't worry. I'll be there to back you up."

"More like me backing you up. I'm going to watch for a while until I get a clue. Part of me is still waiting to wake up from this big dream."

"Oh it's real all right. Things do go bump in the night."

"I still don't know how you do it, Mom. I mean I just stood there frozen that night when Gerrick took me to the graveyard. If you hadn't come along…"

"You'd have snapped out of it and your instincts would have taken over." Buffy's eyes flashed. "I'm still livid about that too. The nerve of the Council to send a Watcher to my daughter. MY daughter. And not have the decency to contact me!"

"Well, they did seem pretty clueless when we got there last week," continued Katie.

"Giles will take care of that. Thirty years after being fired he finally gets his come-uppance."

"Huh?"

"Gets to tell them I-told-you-so."

"They really need him to bring them into this century."

"I'm still not sorry I told them to get lost when I did. I think if I kept working with them I'd be dead. Giles and I did much better on our own. But I can't believe they forgot about me."

"Well they've proven they aren't the sharpest. Out of sight, out of mind."

"In any case, if they had any thoughts that anybody was going to train my daughter…"

"You certainly set them straight. And I thought you got mad when I don't take out the garbage. So, how long will Poppy stay in England?"

"Probably for another month or so. Get them caught up on what we've been doing. Giles will want to catch up on the Slayers history and pick up any new texts for his collection. He might even finally get to go on that Watcher's retreat. He always wanted to."

"They can't keep him though. I miss him already."

"I know," agreed Buffy, popping the last bit of toast into her mouth. "Don't know what I'd do without him."

"Without who?" said Willow joining them. She was looking forward to a long day of crisp ocean breezes, a good book and a nap.

"Giles," said Buffy. "What are you doing up at this hour? It's only 7:30."

"But your grandson has a powerful set of lungs."

"You too, huh," said Katie.

"Yep," yawned Willow. "Excuse me, I'm not really awake yet."

"Let's see if Grandma has the magic touch," said Buffy getting up.

"Hey, this was supposed to be our time. You know, girl time," pouted Katie.

"True, but I don't fancy spending the rest of the cruise being towed from a lifeboat because my grandson is grumpy."

"One grump to soothe another?"

"You got it. Besides nothing is going to keep me from wearing that amazing dress at tonight's banquet. Demons and wailing newborns be damned!"

"The blue one?" asked Willow.

"Yep."

"Watch out, Katie, your mother's a woman on a mission. When she wants something, she gets it."

"Darn tootin'. Save my seat, I'll be back," said Buffy.

"Well, while you're soothing the savage beast…" said Katie.

"Katie!"

"Well? The cliché fits, doesn't it?"

"She's gotcha there, Buffy," said Willow, standing up.

"True,” the Slayer conceded. “Just no comments about that around Mollie, okay?"

"Okay. Have fun."

While Buffy went in search of her wailing grandson, Willow joined Katie for her second trip to the buffet. Katie returned first, with a plate full of fruit, smoked salmon, and a couple of bite-sized muffins. Willow returned with an omelet and hash browns.

"What is it about having an omelet made in front of you?" said Willow, sitting down.

"What do you mean?" said Katie, delicately assembling several crackers with the smoked fish and cream cheese.

"I could order the same thing off a menu. But it seems so…elegant with a chef at the buffet." With that, Willow dove into her mushroom, onion and green pepper omelet.

"Poppy makes better omelets. But I could get hooked on this kind of breakfast easily." Katie began nibbling.

"I could get hooked on everything easily. And get my wardrobe unhooked," said Willow. "I can't believe this cruise is almost over."

"I can. Feels like I've been on this boat for years." Katie shrugged. "At least I got out of two chemistry labs."

"You're not having a good time?"

"I guess I'm not having a bad time," complained Katie. "I guess it's just not what I expected."

"How so?"

"Things are different."

"You mean with finding out you're 'the chosen one'?" Willow made quotes signs with her hands.

"Yeah, there's that, but…"

"But what?" Willow pushed. Buffy was determined to make her daughter's introduction to Slayerdom as painless as possible. If Katie was having difficulties, her mom would want to know. Willow had become as much Katie's confidant as she was Buffy's.

"It's Eric and Mollie. Things aren't the same."

"Well, of course not," said Willow, relieved that it was only run-of-the-mill growing pains. "You haven't seen them in three years. Not since Eric got stationed in Germany."

"And everything changes when you have kids, I know. But they're treating me like I was THEIR child. They never used to, before they were married."

"Are you sure they just aren't having the same problems you are? They haven't seen you either." Willow hailed a waiter. "Coffee, please, thank you." She resumed her observations. "Eric and Mollie have been on their own in a foreign country. They've had a baby. They've changed." She patted Katie's arm for emphasis and reassurance. "Maybe they need time to see you as you are now. Maybe they're treating you the same way they always have, but it didn't feel strange back then. You've grown up a lot, especially in the past couple of months."

"And I can't talk to Eric about it," lamented Katie. "I used to be able to tell him anything. Even if I could tell him, I'd be afraid to."

"Because he's your big brother."

"Yeah," Katie said softly. "He'd want to protect me, but he'd only get hurt."

"Maybe that's what he senses…"

"Huh?"

"That you don't need him anymore."

"Oh, but Aunt Willow, I do. I missed him so much and I was so excited when they suggested we take this cruise. I thought we’d get to make up for lost time. Instead, we've either been sightseeing, or at dinner or something else. Or the baby's been fussing…”

“Sorry kiddo, doesn’t work that way,” said Willow. Experience inspired a wry smile. “As a Slayer, you have to realize this. You can never make up time. Once it’s gone, pffft, it’s gone. You’ve got to make every day count.”

“But Mom…”

“…is the most unusual Slayer in history. But she’s paid her dues…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know she died.” When Katie nodded her head, Willow continued. “If Xander hadn’t gone after her, she would have stayed dead. No second chance.”

“But this isn’t the same…”

“Sure it is. You can never know when you walk out the door what this world will throw at you,” said Willow. Her gaze was suddenly a million miles away.

“Like Xander?” Katie took a guess, but it was more a statement than a question.

“Like Xander,” Willow nodded. “There we were, having lunch and he just keeled over. I felt so helpless. I was a doctor–his doctor! There was no sign of anything. No high blood pressure, no cholesterol, no family history, didn't smoke, rarely drank. How could someone so young have such a massive heart attack. We’d taken it for granted that we needed to cherish the time with Buffy. Supposedly, she was living on borrowed time. Instead we lost Xander first.” Willow shook her head abruptly. “Enough of the morbidity. That was ten years ago.”

Katie nodded in empathy. She always felt Xander's loss as keenly as her mom and Willow did. None of them would get over him. “I remember everyone over our house and not understanding why everyone was so sad. Mom explained to me that Uncle Xander was in heaven and would be watching over me with the angels.”

“And now maybe you can understand it wasn’t so much that he was gone, as much as it was we hadn’t had enough time with him yet. And that was it. No more." Willow finished the last of her omelet. "So you see, you can’t be sure you’ll be the same person when you go home at night. How things will change varies, especially for Slayers.”

“And for the people in the Slayer’s life.” Katie sat quietly while she took in this lesson. “Still, is it wrong for me to want things the way they were?”

“No, honey, of course not." Willow cupped her goddaughter's face, as precious to her as if she had bore Katie herself. "It’s human. It’s natural to want all your family together. Well, we are missing Kevin and Giles…"

"Poppy I miss, Kevin can go jump in a lake!" There was no mistaking sibling rivalry.

"Katie…." warned Willow.

"Well, he deserves it!" said Katie righteously.

"You know you provoke him."

"Do not!" Katie changed abruptly from mature, young woman to egocentric child, a transformation teenagers are apt to make.

Willow wasn't going to let her get away with it. "You changed all the fours to nines in his little black book," she said sternly.

"Like I said, he deserves it. Last time he goes and dates a friend of mine!" Katie nodded her head in adolescent finality.

"Be fair, Allison wanted to go out with him," Willow reasoned.

"He didn't have to dump her like that. And you know the reason he didn't fly over with us had nothing to do with baseball practice and everything to do with the new receptionist at the gym."

Willow exhaled in exasperation. Kevin and Katie were just too close in age to be over picking on each other. "Enough about Kevin. If I had a nickel for every time you two provoked each other, I'd be able to buy this boat! I wouldn't be surprised that part of your melancholy is because you don't have anyone to pick on."

"Aunt Willow!"

"Katie!" said Willow, imitating Katie's outrage.

Katie started to argue but the absurdity of wasting energy on Kevin got the better of her. She joined Willow as she chuckled with glee. Having Willow around was almost as good as Mom, Katie thought. Suddenly Katie got serious again.

"Do you ever miss not having kids of your own?" asked Katie.

"I used to. But remember it was a choice. Besides I have you and Kevin and Eric. I'm a great aunt. No, make that an awesome aunt."

"Definitely," Katie concurred.

"So you see, I wasn't just helping my best friend–the single mom–raise her kids. You fill that place in me."

"Plus you got to hand us back whenever you had enough."

"There's that," conceded Willow. "And my work. I'm happy with my life."

"Do you think Mom is?"

Willow put down her coffee cup as she carefully chose her words. "You know, you get to be our age and we all have regrets. I think, though, Buffy's are less than other people's."

"Because she didn't know if she would be around to regret anything?"

"Exactly. Carpe diem."

"Ok, I missed something. What do fish have to do with being happy?"

Willow laughed. "Sometimes you are just too much your mother's daughter."

"Yeah, how would you know? Dad wasn't exactly around a whole lot."

"True, but your mom said much the same thing the first time I quoted that to her. Car-pe. Latin for seize the day. You're a perfect example of that."

"Mmm-hmm. Mom takes a vacation to Savannah to meet an Internet buddy and comes back pregnant. Yeah, she seized something, all right."

"Katie! What have you been reading, young lady?" inquired Willow, her brow raised.

"Sex ed is required these days. Besides, I'm almost sixteen. Not that I get to experiment. All the boys are afraid of what my mother will do to them if we get caught kissing! Like she'd be one to talk."

Willow knew Katie was talking about her conception, but the conversation was steering dangerously close to Buffy's teenage years. Buffy didn't lie to her children, but she also didn't offer what she didn't want to share. Willow had no desire to open that can of worms, so she beat a hasty retreat. "Well anyway," shooting a warning to Katie, "to answer the original question, I do think your mother's happy. I think she has more than she thought she would. Why do you ask?"

"There is so much I didn't know about her. She did so much…"

Willow sighed mentally.  _ That tactic was about as successful as using gasoline to put out a fire. Well, here goes…  _ "Like what?" Willow braced herself to tell half-truths.

But there was no need. "I used to wonder why she wouldn't take vacations. Or why she always needed to work late at the club. Or why she didn't date. Now I know it wasn't that she didn't have a life. She had two."

"That's as succinct as I've ever heard anyone explain it."

"It must be tough."

"There have been times..."

"I mean, I'm dying to talk to Eric about this, but there's this wall."

"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you you can tear it down," said Willow, relieved to be on safe ground again. "You live in a different world now. With different rules and different responsibilities. You’ll learn a different perspective. It's already made you older than your years. But you'll always have your mother to talk to about it. And me."

Katie realized the truth in Willow's statement. "You know, when I first found out I was the Slayer, I thought it was really cool, especially because I was like Mom. No one was like us. But now that I've had a chance to think about it, I'm not sure I like being that different."

"You really aren't though. Your life won't be easy, but it'll be more rewarding than most. You won't ever have to question whether you are making a different in this world or whether your work has value."

"I know it will." Katie was certain of that, even this early in her calling.

"And that's a gift people spend thousands of dollars to get."

"I guess I should be grateful. But I'd much rather have a boyfriend…"

Willow laughed. "I'm not so sure I would." Katie shot her an incredulous glance and took a deep breath for a rebuttal. Willow didn't give her the chance. "Don't worry. Give it some time. Boys will come around. Believe me, I was a late bloomer myself."

Katie shook her head. "That's not what I mean. Eric has Mollie. Poppy has Grandma. Kevin has anything stupid in a skirt…"

"Katie…" warned Willow. Katie ignored her and continued.

"But Mom is alone. No one after Jeff. I understand what that look is all about now.”

"Look?"

"Yeah, when Jeff comes to pick up Kevin. I just thought he was uncomfortable around me. But it's really fear. He's scared for Mom. Scared for his sons."

"That's understandable," said Willow. Jeff Aldrich had never become one of 'them'–the Scooby gang. But Willow couldn't fault him. The depth of his caring for his ex-wife and the love of his sons was never in question. It just wasn't enough.

"I'm not going to be able to share my life with someone without seeing that fear in his eyes. What's going to happen if someone asks me to the Prom? Oh, do you mind picking me up at the cemetery? I have to patrol first."

"Your mom won't let that happen," said Willow quietly, knowing from first hand experience Buffy would do everything in her power to give her daughter a care-free, safe prom. "That's what this whole trip is about. She didn't bring you into this world so that you would merely exist. She expects you to live your life. The way you want to. Not the way the Council says you should."

"But what about being the Slayer?"

"If you wanted to walk away, Buffy would fight with everything she has for you to do so." Willow smiled. "But I'm betting you're going to want in. Buffy was less than thrilled when you were called. But it makes sense. You two are so much alike. Your mom didn't want to be the Slayer either. But she found herself in it. Gave her purpose. I think you will too."

"Think I'll be any good?"

"Yeah. Not to make you’re head swell or anything, but you're going to be even stronger than your mom. And she's the oldest Slayer the world has ever seen."

"Did you see the look on those old coots when she bent that gun?" said Katie gleefully.

"God, I loved it,” gloated the red-heard. “And Giles…"

Katie took a deep breath, pulled herself up and looked down her nose in preparation for the Giles imitation. " 'I do believe the longevity of our career provides sufficient proof that my affection for my charge rendered us capable of almost anything.' "

"Not bad," laughed Willow. "Actually, pretty good."

Katie grew serious. "So what do I do about Eric and Mollie?"

"I think you need to be patient.”

“Like that’s my strong suit,” lamented Katie. “At least I come by it honestly.”

“Just give it time. It's amazing how much time heals. And you might try changing their minds for them."

"Like how?"

"Having a baby is tough. Why don't you offer to baby-sit? Give them some time together."

"Oh yeah, great. Then we'll really be sent to the life rafts."

"Start out small. Like I'm sure Mollie wouldn't mind to do some shopping. "

"I love shopping with Mollie. Hey isn’t there some kind of special thingy later today? If Jeffrey calms down."

"See, you and Mollie could go and you can keep an eye on Jeffrey while she shops. Don't underestimate the gift of free hands. You can get reacquainted with Mollie, give her something she needs badly and show her how much you've grown up at the same time."

"Thanks, Aunt Willow. I think I'll do that."

"Think you'll do what, squirt?" Eric Aldrich stood by his mother's chair. Freckles covered his lithe, 5'10" frame, inherited from his mother. Jeff Aldrich had gifted both his son and his namesake with his blue eyes and strawberry-red hair.

"See if I can provide an extra set of hands. Mollie and I used to do some awesome shopping and we are on vacation after all."

"Believe me, I think Mollie could use the break. We both could. But we're not going to be able to concentrate on anything while he is this miserable." Eric yawned. "Did I think it was a good idea to go on a cruise with a six month old?"

Willow and Katie laughed. "We were just lamenting that very fact. So where's your mother and Mollie?" said Willow.

"Well, actually, that's why I'm here. Mom thinks it's more than just the run of the mill grumpies. Could you take a look at him?"

"Sure. We were just done anyway." Willow put her napkin on the table as she stood. Willow and Eric turned to leave, but Katie jumped in.

"Have you or Mollie eaten yet?"

"Food? What a novel concept. No, as a matter of fact, we haven't."

"How 'bout I try to track down some breakfast for you and Mollie?" said Katie. She couldn't believe the relief that flooded Eric's face.

"That would be really wonderful. Mollie's so focused on the baby that she forgets about herself. We're both getting grumpy, so we take it out on each other, since we have to stay calm around Jeffrey. I bet food would go a long way to soothing some of that."

"Great. Meals on wheels coming up!"

"Now if I could just get away for that movie at 10 am? God I need a break."

"What movie?"

"One of our favorites. The Mark of Zorro."

"Oh man, I remember I used to love watching that with you."

"I know."

"You know," Willow piped in, "I bet a dollar to a donut he's got an ear infection. Take an infant with a short ear canal, put him on a plane at high altitudes and under pressure for several hours and then stick him on a boat that never stops and it adds up to trouble."

"That's mom's guess too."

"It's, what, 8 a.m. now? I bet we get some antibiotics and Tylenol in him and he'll be down for the count by 9:30 a.m. at the latest. Which means Mollie will be sacked out next to him."

"So we could still make the movie?" said Eric hopefully.

"Sounds great!" Katie wasn't going to miss this opportunity. "How 'bout, I arrange to have breakfast delivered. I'm going to catch a show and I'll meet you at the theater at 9:45?"

"You got yourself a date. Don't let any young hotties steal you away from me," smiled Eric. He missed Willow wink at his adored younger sister as they left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little unusual for AO3 because it's all original characters. But I promise Keith and Katie are important to both Buffy and Angel and to the story.

Keith woke up about 9:30 am, which was early for him. He'd taken to following Angel's schedule, but being around 'normal' people had reclaimed that early riser part of him. Not that 9:30 am was early for the average person, but it was with the life he led.

Keith brushed the sleep out of his eyes and padded toward the suite's second bathroom. He preferred to fly, but they had flown on their way over. The least he could do was accompany Angel on the way back. Yet on ship, he seldom saw his mentor.

Once showered and dressed in khakis and polo shirt, he turned on the TV to peruse the day's cruise events without much hope. Keith quietly exited the room, taking care not slam the door. Making sure the "Do not disturb" sign was on the handle, he headed toward the theater. The cruise had classic films every day at 10 am and at 2 p.m. Living with Angel made Keith hungry for history. Angel knew so much more—movies filled in some of the blanks.

He was cutting it close, but he couldn't pass the concession stand. Popcorn wasn't exactly the best breakfast, but nothing went as well with movies. Why else sell it at ten in the morning? Getting extra butter (cholesterol with gusto), Keith proceeded to run to the theater.

And right into a warm body. With predictable results. Popcorn flew all over and the offending body was just about knocked over.

"I'm so sorry," Keith blurted out, reaching out to steady the person in front of me. "No opening is that important."

"Oh, but this one sets up the whole movie," said Katie. She stooped over to start picking popcorn. "Have you seen it?"

"Actually, I don't even know what movie it is," said Keith feeling like an idiot as she scrambled around picking up his popcorn. He tried to pull her upright. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm sure someone on this fancy, smanshy boat will get it."

"S'ok," she said, dumping most of the popcorn into the trash. She turned and met his gaze full for the first time, smiling. "It's done."

Keith was dumbfounded at the beauty that stood up before him. She owned a muscular build, a little taller than average, about 5'7". She tossed her rich chestnut hair clear of her face and over her shoulders. When she smiled… "Where have you been hiding?" blurted Keith for the second time in five minutes.

"Ex-cuse me?" Katie asked, boldly cocking her head toward him for emphasis.

Somehow, Keith covered. "I mean, you are the first person my age I've met on this bucket." He regained his composure and put his best cocktail manners to work. Extending a hand, he said solidly, "I'm Keith Maxwell."

"Katie Gillicat," she replied, shaking his hand firmly. "Nice to meet you, but you might want to get going. You still have a decent amount of popcorn to consume." She smiled again as she gestured toward the half filled tub. “You might want to get another dose of ‘butter’, though.”

"It’ll be fine,” Keith answered, not wanting to lose the moment. “I'm assuming you're here for the movie. Would you like to join me?" Having finally found a girl–his age and pretty no less–he wasn't about to walk away just for a movie.

"Thank you, but I'm waiting for someone." Katie's heart leapt lightly that someone so cute would ask her to a movie.

"Your husband?" Keith fished. He didn't notice a wedding band, but…

"Me? Married? Nah, I'm waiting for my incredibly late brother."

"Oh. Well,” Keith said hopefully, “maybe I'll see you sometime later."

"Yeah, maybe. Better go…"

"…get a seat." Keith started walking away backwards up the ramp. "Sorry again about the popcorn."

"No biggie." Katie waved cheerfully. “See ya!”

"Later."  _ You can count on it,  _ thought Keith. He turned and ran into the theatre.

Katie stood there, her heart pounding.  _ He wants to see me again! _ Her mind, heart and body screamed silently. She started pacing back and forth in front of the concession stand, although whether from impatience or excitement she wasn't sure.

Finally fifteen minutes into the movie, Mollie came running up, pocketbook in hand.

"Sorry," she said breathlessly. She hadn't lost all the weight she gained during her pregnancy. It weighted heavily on her 5' 3" frame and the cruise cuisine wasn't helping.

"What's wrong?" said Katie urgently.

"Oh, no, everything's all right. Finally.” Mollie’s relief was evident. “Mom was right. The baby's just got an ear infection. The antibiotic kicked in about thirty minutes ago."

"So where's Eric?"

Mollie smiled wryly, her green eyes sparkling. "He's sacked out on the bed next to Jeffrey."

Katie howled. "Exactly where he predicted you'd be right about now."

"Yup. Anyway, he mentioned that he was going to meet you here so I decided to sneak out and join you."

"Did you get a chance to eat?"

"Yes," Mollie sighed, grabbing Katie's arm for emphasis. "It was perfect. I didn't realize how hungry I was. Gave me a power boost. So let's go grab a seat." Mollie started for the theatre.

"Well, wait a minute," said Katie, not moving from the lobby. "You're not a big movie person, if I recall correctly."

"Yeah, but I don't want you to miss out just because Eric pooped out. I'm just happy to be out of the cabin."

"Well, actually," Katie looked at her slyly, "I think there is some kind of shopping event on the mezzanine…"

Mollie caught her drift immediately. "Ooo, baby…" She started in the other direction. "I read they'll have your packages delivered to your cabin!"

*****************  
Without a doubt, it was the best day of the cruise for Katie. Ask Katie hope, Mollie was delighted by the ‘country fair’ in the grand lobby. Each booth had a different theme, dedicated to the European minorities. Mollie found a delightful Basque necklace, while Katie bought a hand painted egg from Moravia. When they found Willow and Buffy near the fortuneteller, they roped the older pair for an adventurous Alsatian lunch.

After lunch, Willow and Buffy went to the pool for a swim, while Mollie and Katie checked on Eric and Jeffrey. They found the baby awake and happily entranced by a teething ring. The baby’s sunny disposition had returned much to Mollie’s relief. Eric was still out, so Mollie decided to leave him sleep. They were on vacation and he was obviously exhausted. Sleeping all day wasn’t going hurt him all that much since his sleep patterns were screwed up anyway from the time shift. Leaving Eric a note, they took the baby and returned to the mezzanine to peruse the permanent shops.

Three hours later, Katie bounced her nephew on her knee, waiting as his mother tried on a spectacular dress in the last shop. Mollie stepped out of the changing room hesitantly, barefooted, wearing a basic black silk sheath dress.

"Whoa, baby! Eric, keep your socks on!" exclaimed Katie. Waving one of Jeffrey’s arms, she added, “See, doesn’t Mommy look beautiful?”

"You really think so?" Mollie had been so tiny before the baby. She wasn't used to the extra weight. It wasn't that she looked bad, she just didn't look like herself. She had so many more…curves. "I dunno…you don’t think my arms look too flabby?"

"No, you look fine. And don't you dare say, 'where am I gonna where it?' Turn around," ordered Katie.

Mollie did slowing, giving Katie a good look For as young as she was, Katie had an incredible sense of style. She wasn't prone to the awkward fashion disasters that so often plagued teens. Katie had a natural ability to distinguish fades from true elegance.

After a moment, Katie pronounced judgment. "It's perfect. It's a petite, so it hitting you in all the right places. A simple cut, with a bit of an A-line, it's never going out of style. You can dress it up or down, so you can wear it when you go back to work. Then you can head out to the banquets I know you'll have with Eric’s new position. And it's going to be perfect when he takes you out dancing tonight."

"What?"

"Listen, tonight's one of those bi-weekly events they advertise. Eric’s going to take you,” Katie said matter of factly. “You two need some alone time."

"Yeah, but your mother was looking forward to going. I don't want to ask her to baby sit."

Katie held the baby above her, playing airplane with him. He cooed in delight. She brought him down near her face to have a one on one, in her ‘baby’ voice. "You hear that Jeffrey? Mommy thinks Aunt Katie’s chopped liver." Aunt Willow recommended that she prove to Mollie and Eric that she was an adult. This was probably more direct than she meant, but at least it was laced with humor. Another one of her mother's traits. "She thinks you’d be too much to handle,” she cooed back at him. “But you’ll be a good boy for me, right, handsome?”

"Oh Katie, it's not that," Mollie tried to explain. "You've never taken care of a child before."

Katie turned serious. “Babies taking care of babies?”

Mollie looked hard at the person in front of her. She held her hands up and let them plop to her sides. "You know, I've just spent the entire day with you and never once thought about your age. I trust you implicitly to dress me, to make recommendations on lamps for my house, even what to get my mother for her birthday. Then all of a sudden, you're too young to take care of my son? Your nephew?"

Katie gave her a sympathetic look "You know, I understand a little. Aunt Willow and I had a long talk about it this morning."

"Eric and I had ours last night between yawns. You are so grown-up. It's like you're a different person."

"I feel different, but I feel the same too. Does that make any sense at all?"

"Yeah. We came to the conclusion that we're comparing you with how we were at your age. And at your age,” Mollie confessed, “I wouldn't trust me with my child. But you're a lot more pulled together than either Eric or I were."

Katie was overwhelmed by the compliment. This was the kind of closeness she missed. She took Willow’s words to heart about not letting time slip away. “If I am, it’s partially because you and Eric always treated me like an equal. You guys never talked down to me. That’s what’s made this, ‘getting-to-know-you-again’ so tough.” Katie wanted Mollie to know just how much this meant to her, so she pulled herself up and looked eye to eye at her friend, who happened to be her sister-in-law. “Look, I really want to do this for you. And I’m not gonna mess up, ‘cause I don’t really care to let you down. I promise I'll have you paged if anything happens. The ship isn't that big. And who says you have to be out all night?"

"Right," said Mollie, warming to the idea. “Like I’d last past ten. Besides I’m no longer in Germany, I’ve got family I can count on.” She squeezed Katie’s arm.

"Absolutely. And it’s not like I’m missing out. There‘s one last shindig before the cruise is up. It's not like I have a date or something."

"Sounds good. What time is it?" said Mollie as she ducked back into the changing room.

“It is…” Katie maneuvered her nephew into a football hold, so she could check her watch, “holy mackerel, it’s 4:30!”

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” said Mollie, coming out of the room with her dress.

As they started toward the check out, Katie fidgeted, “I’m late.”

“For what?”

Placing Jeffrey in his stroller, she explained. “Well, mom’s been teaching me Tai Chi from four to five. Sort of our unspoken bonding time. Plus I tucker her out for her afternoon nap. And the last aerobics class ends at four so we get the padded room to ourselves.”

“Don’t you mean padded cell,” Mollie smiled, handing the dress to the clerk.

Katie stuck her tough out in mock disgust. “Couldn’t resist, huh?”

“Nope!” Mollie grinned. “Listen, I can handle it from here. I’ve got to get him back for his medication anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Shoo! But don’t think I won’t hold you to your offer.”

“No problem, what time?”

“How ‘bout 7:30?”

“Sounds good.”

“But no sooner…” warned Mollie.

“Why?”

Mollie grinned evilly. “Jeffrey hasn’t had an afternoon nap, but my husband has.”

“I just don’t want to know,” said Katie, shaking her head as she ran off toward the gym.


	7. Chapter 7

“Where is she?” a clearly agitated Buffy asked of an empty room.

Well, almost empty. As it happened, Willow decided to join her in the ship’s aerobics studio while Buffy waited for her tardy daughter. “She probably just lost track of time. Shopping will do that.”

“Let’s hope she’s living vicariously. My credit card can’t take the beating.”

“In that regard, she is definitely your daughter.” Willow enjoyed jibing her best friend.

Buffy shot her a warning look. “Don’t remind me.” She started pacing the sectioned off studio. Open on the sides, it was sectioned off from the rest of the club area by a wall of sliding mirrors. Windows lined the opposite side next to the four-foot wide jogging track that hugged the perimeter of the deck, just before the mat area began. “It’s 4:15. Maybe I should have her paged…” Buffy made a move toward the phone on the side wall.

“You really want to do that? We just saw them a couple of hours ago. They were having a really good time. They were reconnecting.” With the trauma of the younger Summers girl on the mend, Willow turned her attention to the newly arisen fits of the elder. “Come on, Buffy, I know what’s really bothering you?”

“You do, do you?” said Buffy, annoyed by Willow’s know-it-all act. “Care to explain it to me?”

“It’s that fortune I’m sorry I talked you into,” the witch explained smugly.

Bingo! That’s it.” Buffy knew Willow had the right of it because even though she still felt anxious, she also felt relief. Maybe she was overreacting. She left out a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding. Crossing the mat, she plopped down in the center of the room next to Willow. “I thought it’d be fun,” she admitted to her best friend.

“Me too,” lamented Willow, cocking her head to the side. “Who knew we'd actually find a gypsy with real talent working for Princess Cruise Lines?” Then she tried to explain away the danger they both usually associated with gypsies. “Hey, you've met more than your fair share of creepies in your life. She could have meant that carni from the summer of '21. He is coming up for parole…"

"Ugh, don't remind me," groaned Buffy, flopping flat on a mat. She continued to stare at the ceiling as she spoke. "He keeps turning up like a bad penny. It wouldn't be so bad if he serenaded me with Frank Sinatra or Harry Connick. No, it’s got to be N-Sync. I can’t believe I used to like them.” Buffy sat up and shuttered. "Remind me to write the parole board again..”

“I will. But you're avoiding the subject. I know your heart was in your throat. Mine was too when she said ‘A long-silent enemy will enter your daughter’s life.’ But you’ve got to admit, that’s going to be inevitable now." Willow gave her a compassionate look “She is a Slayer.”

“I know that up here,” said Buffy, tapping her index finger lightly to her temple. She moved it over her heart. “But here, she’s still my little girl. You can’t blame me for wanting to protect her. I hate that fact she’s the next ‘Chosen One.’ It’s not fair. This family already gave at the office,” she pouted.

Willow chuckled. “She's gonna do fine. Really."

Buffy already knew that. Katie was eerily pulled together. "You know she's stronger than I was," glowed Buffy with pride.

"And she's spent her life worshipping you. She's got a major head start from all the time in the gym. Her Slayer powers will only enhance her natural talent. Even without them, she'd be formidable."

Buffy smiled in spite of her worries. Her daughter’s prowess in the martial arts was well known. When most little girls were practicing pirouettes, Katie practiced other types of spins–mostly in the form of roundhouse kicks. Buffy felt guilty that her ‘profession’ carried over to her daughter. But she was determined to never let Katie know, especially when she saw the joy in her daughter’s face when she placed in her first tournament when she was only six. Ten years later, with black belts in several different disciplines, it was rare that Katie didn’t win whenever she felt inclined to enter. "She really is poetry in motion. She's like a cat,” Buffy gushed. “You have no idea where she's gonna go or what she's going to use against you."

"Exactly. And once word gets out that the new Slayer is your daughter, nothing is going to even contemplate getting to the Hellmouth. Even the psychotic ones who occasionally get stupid. Your reputation has become enough."

“But my reputation doesn’t extend to cruise ships.”

“It’s a ship, for Pete’s sake, a finite area.” Buffy, who had made up her mind to be worried, was exacerbating Willow. Well, the best friend’s job was to make sure the said friend had a great time on vacation, whether she wanted to or not. Willow was going to change Buffy’s mind, ticking each point off on her fingers. “You checked the hold. You checked the crew’s quarters. You checked the mechanical rooms. No vamps, no creepies, not even a well wisher who didn't disembark on time. I know…”

“Katie saw someone watching us this morning.” Buffy interrupted softly, avoiding Willow’s gaze by picking at her nails. “I didn’t. She said he was standing right in front of me and I didn’t notice.” She looked at Willow, mournfully.

Willow whistled.

“Yep,” continued Buffy. “No slayer’s ever lived as long as I have. If I lose my powers…”

“Buffy, your power had steadily grown.” It was the redhead’s turn to interrupt. “There is no reason to think you’ll lose it.”

“Unless of course I can’t see someone standing in front of my nose.”

“Maybe it was someone you knew, but someone Katie didn’t know. In that deep meditative state, you probably wouldn’t have sensed danger, which would have pulled you out. Painfully, I might add.”

“But Will, we really don’t know what is going to happen. What if I can’t protect her before she’s fully trained? What if I don’t have the strength to teach her what she needs to know? What if…

“None of us can really know what will happen.” Willow reached out an hand to calm her friend. “You usually give up What if? really well. You know, this may just be all of this Council stuff catching up with you. And you’re feeling off your game.”

“I’d jump for joy if it was that simple. Yesterday afternoon, I dreamt about Angel.” She smiled ruefully as Willow let out another whistle. “And it wasn't a warning dream either.” It had been more years than Buffy could count since Angel actually showed up to protect her. Cordelia had told her that he'd left Los Angeles, so she stopped watching out for that tingly spidey sense she got when he was around. Mysteriously though, the messenger in her prophetic dreams, took on Angel’s face when he gave her clues the way the real Angel used to when they first met. Only this wasn't one of those dreams. "This dream was one of the others," Buffy sheepishly admitted.

Willow's eyes gleamed, her body bouncing in anticipation. "Oo! Table or ice cream? Cause you know I love the ice cream one!"

"Neither. This one was brand new. Almost like the kind we’d get those few times we were locked together by astral forces."

"And?" prompted Willow eagerly.

"It was really good," gloated Buffy. “Heavens, what that man still does to me.” She shook off the warm afterglow. "But the point isn't the quality of my mental sex life. He usually warns me. With what Katie saw, I'm thinking' he should have. Well, not Angel literally. Whatever part of my brain, which thinks it's a good idea to make him the messenger. I mean I could have spent years getting messages from the Dionne Warwick and the Psychic Friends Network. Angel's more fun to look at." Buffy shook her head again. "Anyway, I've come to rely on it. Maybe too much. Maybe I'm losing my touch."

“And it's throwing you?"

Buffy nodded confirmation to her best friend. “What if I missed something…what if it was looking for Katie? You know, take out the new Slayer before she figures out what she’s doing? We’ve met our share of kooks who would just love to do that. With all this council crap, we really haven’t started training.”

“She’ll handle it,” Willow said confidently.

“But she’s so young.”

“About your age when you faced the Master,” Willow reminded her gently.

“And died,” Buffy reminded Willow more forcefully than planned. Willow was there, she knew the facts, not just the legend.

“And then defeated him.” Willow didn’t want to minimize her friend’s concerns, but she didn’t like seeing them overwhelm her either. She tried to put it all in perspective. “Buffy, Katie runs a higher risk of dying in a car accident than facing demons. You changed those odds for her. You’ve proved that a support system is essential for the Slayer. And no one can support her better than we can. We’ve lived it.”

Buffy sighed, a sure sign she was coming around. She pouted playfully. “You may have. I don’t think I was ever young.”

“You were. I was there.” Willow flashed a wicked grin. “I have proof.”

“Oh, God, how much is this blackmail going to cost me?”

“The only thing I require is that you put away this gloomy attitude. This is probably your last chance at a family vacation."

Buffy was saddened by the truth of the statement. Her ‘baby’ was almost sixteen, Kevin was going to college in the fall and Eric had a family of his own. “I guess maybe I’m just suffering from run-of-the-mill empty nest syndrome. I’m not done being upset at Kevin’s baseball coach for not letting him out of practice to join us. Still, it's pretty neat to have Eric, Mollie and Katie in the same place."

"Not to mention your best friend…" said Willow in a leaning, know-it-all attitude.

Buffy visibly brightened. "Who I always wanted to sail the high seas with. Who I have not forgiven for getting me hooked on roulette?” Willow gave Buffy her best 'Who?' Me?' look and tried to look contrite. She failed miserably. ”Uh-huh. So what are you wearing tonight?”

Willow rattled on, debating her wardrobe. Buffy half listened, keeping her eyes on the doorway. Where was Katie?! 


	8. Chapter 8

The opening credits were just finishing when Keith found his seat. The theater was almost empty, not more than fifteen people in the room. He sat in the very last row near the door. He wasn't taking any chance of missing the delightful lady he'd just 'bumped' into when she finally arrive.

Which she didn't.

Which meant Keith saw more of the door than the movie.

About ten minutes into it, he went to the lobby to look for her. It was deserted. He thought maybe she entered a different way so he went back inside. Wishing he had Angel's ability to see in the dark, he squinted through the darkness, grateful for the little illumination coming from the projection room. No sign of her.

So he watched the movie (so he’d have something to talk to her about) and stayed until credits were over. She didn't pass him when everyone exited. When the lights came up, Keith looked for other entrances. Nothing.

She never came to the movie.

_ I finally find a lovely lady on this bucket and I promptly lose her.  _ Dejected, Keith left the theater and headed to the glass enclosed deck for lunch. He seated himself conspicuously near the buffet and watched every person that came by. Still no sign of her.

He gave up about 1:30. Deciding to try more conventional means of locating her, he inquired at the purser's desk who informed him it was ship's policy to not give out cabin numbers. It did nothing for his growing sense of annoyance when he was told he could leave a message. Which he did. Throw on top of the millions of people on the mezzanine for some sort of event. It seems their sole purpose in life was to get in the way of finding ‘Katie Gillicut.’

It all added up to one vexed Keith Maxwell.

Keith decided to sit through the two o'clock movie in fruitless hope that she would show up again. Two hours later, Keith returned to the cabin in the most foul mood of the entire cruise. He carefully closed the door, mindful of Angel, even though he really wanted to slam it shut.

He walked into the living room, pointedly looking for the blinking light on the phone that would indicate a message. It’s absence made his mood still fouler.

"Fine, fuck it," he growled, kicking his loafers off with such fury that they bounced hard against the drapery-shrouded balcony door. He might as well head up to the gym, maybe run off some of this frustration. He ripped off his shirt, dropped his pants and started searching for something more suitable to sweat in.

Behind him he heard a giggle.

"White BVDs? Come now, you can do better…"

"I know, he's not very imaginative."

Keith spun around to see Angel and Abby sitting on the far couch, each holding a teacup. Papers were strewn on the coffee table in front of them. Abby's eyes hungrily raked over him while Angel's glinted in amusement. As Abby continued her perusal, Keith went from shock to embarrassment to plain old pissed. He was in no mood for her antics. "Finished?"

"Just about…you know you really should keep magnificent jewels like those in finer accommodations," she quipped.

"Whatever." Keith rolled his eyes and continued dressing.

Obviously, this wasn’t the first time Angel had seen Keith in his underwear. They were roommates after all. Still they tended to be respectful of the other’s space, shirts not withstanding. Angel had started to suggest to Abby that they resume their planning in her suite to give Keith his privacy as soon as he heard the door latch move, but Keith was oblivious to their presence. He started stripping so fast that all Angel and Abby could do was sit and watch the show. "Well, ye're in quite the mood this afternoon," drawled Angel. "What's up?"

Keith pulled on running shorts. "What's not. I met a girl at the movie this morning and I lost her."

Abby snorted, rather inelegantly. "Maybe she doesn't want to be found."

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Abby.” Keith seemed to attack the tank as he pulled over it his head.

“Oh my! He is prickly today,” responded Abby to Angel, mildly annoyed that he used her nickname. Usually Angel was the only one she allowed to get away with it.

Angel caught that too. “Leave be, Abby,” he said gently. Keith’s continued fury made Angel think he needed to rearrange his afternoon's plans. It really wasn’t a good thing for Keith to be alone. “I know I keep sayin’ this, but do ye mind if we continue plannin’ tomorrow?” Angel gave Abby a brief pleading look before assembling the papers on the table.

Abby responded with a 'if-you-say-so look'. But her voice held no sarcasm. “I’ll see you later tonight then.”

“Probably not. I think I’m gonna t’ skip tonight’s fete.”

Abby was obviously disappointed, but knew better than to push Angel, especially because he still hadn’t acquiesced to New Years. Instead she addressed Keith. “Well then, I guess I’ll just have to lie in wait for you, Mr. Maxwell.” She accepted the folders from Angel. As she left herself out, she sang, “My place, tomorrow, 3 pm, be there."

Keith finished tying his running shoes and looked up to see Angel looking at him. “Don’t give me the ‘what’s up’ look? I told you.”

“Abby was only jokin’,” said Angel, knowing Keith well enough to know what he was feeling.

Keith, not wanting to be reasonable, stared at. Angel arched one eyebrow at him. Keith dealt with ‘things’ in an exact opposite manner from Angel. Which meant he really did want to talk about it.

Keith lost the stare-down and threw up his hands. “This is ridiculous. I talked to her for all of a minute. It’s not like I’ve never talked to a girl before.”

“But…” Angel said leadingly.

“But…" Keith started pacing around the cabin. “God, she was beautiful, Angel. I…I mean I…I think she was beautiful.”

“Ye think?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I say I think she was because I can’t stop thinking about her. I mean I talked to her for all of," Keith shrugged hopelessly with his hands, "…sixty seconds, tops. I can’t stop replaying it in my mind. She just keeps getting more and more beautiful. It’s like she shocked me so much that it’s taken me this long to process. Does that make sense?”

Angel recognized that old feeling very well. He’d be fighting the very feeling since seeing Buffy this morning. “And ye just have t’ meet ‘er again t’ see if it were true.” He also knew from recent experience it was entirely possible.

“Exactly. And I can’t find her. She’s gone. Poof.”

“Did ye get ‘er name?”

Keith could see Angel’s mind working. “Katie Gillicut and yes, I already tried to find her.” In a disgusted, high squeaky voice Keith pantomimed, “It’s against ship's policy to give out cabin numbers.” Keith continued in a regular voice. “And since we all have these cruise line credit cards, I didn’t have enough money on me to bribe the twit. So I left a message.”

“Well, this inna the first time some fine Irish lass has put a lad in a snit,” said Angel, a smile in his reacquired brogue.

"Irish? She sounded American," said Keith puzzled.

Angel shrugged. "Ok, correction. Irish descent."

"How do you know?"

"Gillicut is a pretty common bastardization," explained Angel. "Giolla was a prefix that denoted a servant. So, someone in the family way back when…"

"Was a servant? What about the 'cut' part?"

"Probably the patriarch's given name. Or matriarch. Back in my day, family names were taken from the strongest person in the family. So everyone in the family would have been known by the surname of the most powerful. Names would change every generation. Until massive numbers of Irish emigrated. Then the custom fell out of use with the family name of the person who left Ireland remainin’."

"This history lesson is very fascinating," said Keith impatiently, "but it's not doing a damn thing to find Katie."

"True," Angel conceded. “So I take it ye’ll stop by the purser's station later? After ye work some of this off?”

“That’s the plan. What I’d really like to do is beat the crap out of something. Feel like volunteering?”

Angel raised an eyebrow again. “Ye must really be worked up if ye think ye can take me.”

Keith didn’t appreciate his mentor’s amused manner. There was no reason he shouldn’t be generous with his mood. Baiting Angel, Keith replied, “Old man like you? Easy.”

“Ye know I’d make y’ eat those words, but it’s a little early for me right now.” Angel pointed toward the draperies.

“You chicken?” Keith asked gleefully.

“Ex-cuse you? What was that?” responded Angel, half-heartedly taking the bait.

“You heard me. I think you know I’ll kick your ass.”

“In yer dreams, child.”

Keith was male bravado at its best. “Prove it.”

Angel leveled a wicked gleam at Keith. “You’re pretty brave when I can’t do anythin’ about it.”

“Like I’m that much of a wuss? Like I haven’t lived with you long enough to look at shadow patterns? Like I don’t know there are blinds in the studio? Admit it, Angel, you don’t want to be whooped by a human.”

That did it. “Ye’re on.” Angel headed toward his room. “And don’t plan on spendin’ tonight anywhere except a hot tub.”

“Uh-huh. Guinness at Casey’s?” Their standard wager at their favorite bar in LA.

“Unless they have somethin’ better. See ye up there?”

“I’ll be waiting with bells on.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I am so sorry,” said Katie as she flew into the studio. She sat down facing her mother and godmother, leaned in to give each a peck on the cheek.

“You’re only forty-five minutes late, I had nothing better to do,” said Buffy casually.

“No, absolutely not, nope, sure didn’t want to go to afternoon tea,” chimed Willow.

Katie’s hands flopped to her side in defeat. "Tag team guilt, just what I needed," Katie exhaled. “I said I was sorry. It’s just that Mollie found this great dress and…”

“…you had to talk her into trying it on,” finished Buffy. “So how’d it look?”

“Fabulous,” Katie gushed. “She’s going knock Eric’s socks off at the party tonight.”

“Wait a minute. I was planning on going. She didn’t tell me I’d have to watch Jeffrey.”

“Well maybe I can watch him,” offered Willow, knowing how much Buffy was looking forward to wearing her new dress.

“Yeah, but we were going to go to the casino and catch that show…” said Buffy, disappointed at the prospect of losing her playmate. “I don’t want to go alone.”

“Whoa, wait a minute,” Katie piped up. “Who said you have to rearrange plans? I’m watching Jeffrey.”

“You’re watching him?” Buffy looked at her in wonder. Willow smiled.

“Yes,” said Katie, in that haughty manner so well perfected by teenagers. She asked Willow, “What? Did I grow horns or something?”

Willow laughed, followed quickly by Buffy and then Katie. “That was very nice of you. So you’re undertaking your new role of ‘aunt’ with gusto.” Willow nodded her head for emphasis.

“Absolutely. Who do you think watched Jeffrey while Mollie was changing?”

“You took Jeffrey?” asked Buffy in disbelief. “You took a sick baby shopping and you found stuff?”

“Um-hmm,” said Katie. “In case you were wondering, he’s doing much better, but he tires out faster. Anyway, he’ll probably be doubly pooped from being sick and being out today. I plan on watching him sleep and reading a good book.”

“You don’t mind?” asked Buffy.

“No, I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like I have something to WEAR tonight anyway,” the teenager stated with a hairy eyeball, “since my mother wouldn’t let me buy the dress that would fit in here and everything else I have looks like it belongs in high school.”

“Because you ARE in high school,” said Buffy, pointing out the obvious. “And the other dress was too old for you.”

“Probably when I get old enough to wear it, I’ll be too old to wear it.”

“That’s the idea,” she said smugly. Then she had a classic-Buffy realization. She crossed her eyes slightly and grimaced. “My mother said that. I’m turning into my mother.”

“Happens to the best of us,” said Willow.

“Speak for yourself,” said Buffy, annoyed. “So, what say we skip the training session for today. Our time’s up and I need my nap. I’m starting to get cranky.”

“I’m really sorry,” said Katie again.

“It’s okay. We’re on vacation, it’s not like we have to keep a schedule,” said Willow.

“Besides, we had a good talk,” Buffy added. “It’s just that I was getting a little worried.”

“Worried?” said Katie. “On a cruise ship? Like what was going to happen?”

“Katie, we talked about that this morning,” Buffy sighed at having to explain this aspect of Slayerdom again. “You never know where you’re going to find trouble.”

“Speaking of which…" Katie stood up with her eyes fixed on the studio entry, which led out to the elevator foyer. She started walking there quickly, “Hey…”

********* 

Angel heard female voices when he got off the elevator.  _ Damn _ , he thought to himself,  _ someone beat us to the studio. Wonder how long they’ll be? _

He was looking forward to his match with Keith. He’d been on edge since seeing Buffy last night. He'd barely slept. The meeting with Abby was a welcome distraction, but it wasn’t the kind of work Angel liked. Balls, cotillions, fund-raisers, parties—they were all the same. An excuse for women to make men get dressed up so they could dance with them. Instead, Angel’s thoughts kept drifting to Buffy. Physical exertion was exactly what he and Keith both needed. He cautiously approached the studio door, not sure if Keith had closed the blinds yet.

Angel beat a hasty retreat when he saw Buffy. He retreated down the stairs as he heard her call “Hey…” behind him. He hurried back to the suite, chastising himself for venturing out in the first place. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid.

Now he got to spend the evening wondering if Buffy saw him. And wishing she had. And waiting for her knock on his door. And telling himself he was glad that she hadn't shown up. Without any way to work out HIS frustrations about not seeing her in the first place. And putting up with Keith’s superior attitude because he didn’t show up.

He knew exactly how Keith felt.

*********

Buffy and Willow quickly followed Katie to the foyer. “What?” said Buffy urgently.

“I could have sworn I saw that guy again. The one from this morning,” said Katie looking around. She shrugged, missing the meaningful look that Buffy and Willow exchanged. “Oh well.” she said to her mother, who had opened the door to the stairway. "What are you doing?"

“He’s gone. Damn it. Did you…”

“…the elevator indicator hasn’t moved and I’m pretty sure I heard the door latch,” said Willow, anticipating Buffy’s line of thought.

Buffy looked at her daughter. “Lesson time. Never assume that you’ve ‘lost’ whomever you’re tracking. Assume he’s hiding, waiting to ambush you. Turn you from hunter to hunted. A quick look around here tells us the only place to hide is that stairwell.”

“Sorry,” said Katie. She felt stupid.

“Pouting isn’t going to keep you alive,” chided Buffy harshly. She was pretty wigged that once again, Katie saw this guy and she didn't.

Willow knew the fear racing through Buffy. She attempted to soften her friend’s sharp words, not wanting Katie to become discourage this early in her career. “It’s going to take time. We’ve been at this thirty-five years.”

“And we’re in this together," Buffy added more gently, now that the immediate danger was past. "We watch each other. You spotted him, I checked the area, and Will watched the elevator. But if I don’t tell you…”

“I can’t learn. And God forbid something happen to me,” said Katie, lacking the usual teen frustration.

“Darn tootin’,” Buffy and Willow said in unison. Buffy continued, “Another slayer will be called, but I only get one daughter.”

“Absolutely,” chimed Willow. “So what’s the plan?”

“Well, since I’m sure he’s long gone, the only thing left for me to do is nap. Katie?”

“I think I’m gonna stay here. I need some time to think about this.”

“So you’re going for a run,” said Buffy. “If for some reason he comes back, you duck outta here as fast as you can and come get me. Got it?" Katie nodded. "Just so you know, I’m going to head out about seven or so, right?” The redhead nodded her confirmation.

“That’s when I report for baby duty. I’m not expecting to be there sooner. I figure I’ll get cleaned up once the baby falls asleep.”

“You’re sure about that?” asked Willow.

“No, but I’m pretty sure Eric and Mollie will be back by ten, so worst case scenario, I’ll get a shower then, if I have to.”

“Well, then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“You have your key?”

“Yes, Mom. Tsk!” Katie rolled her eyes and took off down the track.

*********

Keith figured the two matrons in the studio were leftovers from the four o’clock aerobics class. Women could and would talk anywhere. He decided to check with the gym manager to see if the studio was reserved and if there was any sparring equipment available. With the way he was feeling, it was going to be some match. Keith had no illusions that Angel wouldn’t give as good as he got.

Keith’s luck held true. He tapped his foot, paced, and gave the purser every exasperated look to try to get him off the phone with some other guest. The purser gave Keith pitiful looks that indicated he was trying to get off the phone. Ten minutes later, Keith was told that there were no gloves or padding and the studio was only available for thirty minutes. And there still wasn't any message from Katie.

Keith hurried back to the studio, hoping Angel hadn’t arrived. The elevator foyer was dark enough, but the studio was definitely too bright for Angel. Keith silently thanked his Higher Power for a friend who was willing to brave sunlight just so he could have a partner to work out his tensions with.

And for the figure flying down the track at a respectable clip. All thoughts of anything but running flew from Keith’s mind. He raced to the phone. He dialed silently praying it wasn’t too late. Angel picked up the phone after a few rings.

“Hello?”

“Angel, buddy…”

“Keith, I’m…”

“Listen, I’m glad I caught you. Would you mind terribly if I took a rain check?”

“Uh, sure…” said Angel sounding anything but.

“Thanks. You’ll never guess who’s taking a run." Keith didn't keep the excitement from his voice.

“O-ho. I told ye she’d appear. And?”

“And what?”

“Is she as beautiful as ye remember?”

Keith watched Katie take the curve near him at an amazing speed. She had just broken a sweat, her hair bouncing in its ponytail, her face in determined concentration. “Oh yeah,” he whispered as his eyes followed her backside down the track. “I’m going for a run.”

“I guess you’re buyin’ at Casey’s?”

“Gladly. I’ll see ya later. Thanks.” Keith hung up the phone, put down his towel and bag, stretched out and started on his own laps. Soon, he’d cross paths with Katie Gillicat. This time, he wouldn’t let her get away.

*********

Angel sat down at the video game in the common area. Since he couldn’t expend any physical energy, Angel thought he'd do the next best thing by catching some practice pounding on some virtual bodies. It definitely helped his mood to know Keith not only found the girl but was also paying for the first round when they got to LA. Angel shook his head with a grin. Damn, he was good.


	10. Chapter 10

Keith might have found Katie, but that didn't necessarily mean he'd actually get to talk to her. Of course it would help if he could catch her.

He had planned to start a conversation once he pulled in beside her, but that wasn't to be. After running for forty-five minutes, Keith gave up. He simply couldn't gain enough ground. She managed to stay a third of the track ahead of him.  _ She must run cross-country or something, _ he thought as he gave up to try a new tactic.

Keith slowed to a jog and allowed her to catch up with him. He smiled when he heard her coming up on his left. He took a breath to say hello, but before he could say anything, she muttered, "Excuse me," and proceeded to breeze by him without a second look

Thoroughly frustrated, Keith exhaled and slowed to a walk to cool down. She must have run at least nine or ten miles and there was no indication that she was tiring.  _ What god did I piss off today? _ he lamented.

Keith began walking the half ship length back to his gear, wondering what tactic to use next. Keith was nothing, if not tenacious. One had to be when dealing with run-aways. And inventive. You always had to stay one step ahead of them. This vacation was dulling his wits.

But they surged as he reached the aerobics area. He saw a woman's gym bag on the floor in front of the mirror. The open configuration of the studio allowed an unobstructed view from the weight area. Keith decided to pass the time waiting for her there. Besides, he'd been lax about his own training of late. While there were no barbells for serious work, there were some machines and a rack of dumb bells.

Keith began with curls, choosing fifteen lb. weights to begin with. He didn't want to push it his first day back. Not that there was much to choose from, it was a cruise ship after all. As he half-concentrated on his set, he saw Katie round the track out of the corner of his eye.

Between sets, he arranged a few machines with appropriate weights. Normally that would be rude, but he seriously didn't think anyone was going to be using these so close to dinner. He moved to the machine to work his lats. He soon became so engrossed in his work that he failed to notice Katie's return to the studio.

Katie always felt better after a run. It was an escape for her. It was impossible to obsess when your heart was pounding. She learned to let her body race instead of her mind. It seemed that once she got physical about whatever was bothering her, when she cooled down, she had an answer. And the answer this afternoon was that she needed to be more observant. Katie wasn't suspicious by nature, but she was going to have to become so if she had any hope of matching her mother's record as a Slayer.

Katie pulled out a hand towel and a bottle of water from her bag. She opened it, took a swig and wiped the sweat from her brow. She glanced at her watch. She still had time enough to do some upper body work. As much as her Slayer's powers gave her, she wanted to make sure she had the upper hand on any male vamp she would encounter.

As she approached the machine area, she noticed a man on a machine to work the hamstrings. Katie took a second look, sure she had seen him before. When he finished, she said, "How was the movie?"

Keith sat up in shock. After all that work, she found him. "Okay."  _ Oh you can't come up with anything better than that, Maxwell? _ he chided himself.

Apparently Katie wasn’t impressed either. "Just okay?" Katie took another drink from her bottle. " _ Zorro _ is one of my all time favorite movies. I love Tyrone Power."

"Then why didn't you stay?" he blurted. He noticed the shocked expression on her face.  _ Oh, now she thinks you're desperate…well you ARE desperate, you dork. _

_He noticed I didn't go?_ Katie got a warm and fuzzy feeling inside her. _Maybe…_ "You were looking for me?" she asked him with a sly smile on his face.

Keith briefly contemplated giving her a "cool" answer, but he usually bungled any attempt he made at flirting. Smiling back simply, he answered, "Yeah, I was."

That fuzzy feeling surged right through Katie. Guys she knew in high school would never admit such a thing. Katie felt a thrill at this 'grown-up' interest. "Sorry to disappoint you," she smiled. "My sister-in-law showed up instead of my brother. And as much as I love  _ Zorro _ , I love shopping time with Mollie more."

For the first time that day, Keith felt things were going his way. She seemed to appreciate his honesty.  _ If it ain't broke…  _ "You're a very difficult woman to find, you know," Keith smiled back at her.

Katie's smile deepened further as she melted. _He is so cute!_ As inconspicuously as she could, she glanced at his bare arms and shoulders. _And he's even more built!_ "So you tried to find me. Why?" She remembered what he said that morning, about seeing her again. Suddenly that made her very shy. She moved to the lat machine next to him, eager to have something to do.

_ Why? _ Keith thought incredulously. _ Because I can't get you out of MY MIND!  _ "Well, like I said this morning, you're only one I've met my age on this ship."

"Oh," she said as she sat down on the machine. _So much for that. Why did I think a guy like this would have any interest in a teenager like me?_ Katie's disappointment showed on her face.

_Maxwell, you idiot!_ But before he could qualify his statement, she began to pull on the weights set up for him. He jumped toward her. "Hey, wait a minute! You'll hurt yourself. Let me take some of this off." He knelt down beside the machine and adjusted it. "There."

_ Shoot. I forgot. I'm only a girl. _ In truth, the weight was just right. "Thanks," she muttered. With her on the bench and him kneeling, their eyes were at the same level.  _ His eyes are so green. _

"You're welcome," he said softly, completely entranced. "Actually, it's not just that you're the only one I've met."

"No?" Katie had quite the vocabulary.

"No." Keith went back to the tactic that worked so well earlier. "It's really because I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"Really?"

"Really." Keith took a deep breath. "And I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me." He looked at her expectantly.

_ I think he just asked me out!!! _ "Yeah, I'd like that…" she said softly. Then reality set in. "Ooo, but I can't." Katie rushed to explain. "I promised I'd baby-sit my nephew. Eric and Mollie haven't had any alone time since he was born and my mother has plans tonight."

Keith tried hard not to show his disappointment. Still he didn't want her to think he'd lost interest. "Sounds like you've got your whole family with you."

"Just about."

"Seems a little unusual to have a reunion on a transatlantic cruise." Keith sat down on the floor next to the bench. Completing his workout was the farthest thing from his mind. His current goal was to learn as much about Katie as he could. Including her cabin and phone number.

Katie chuckled lightly. "I guess it is. Just kinda worked out that way. Mom and I had to see…well…um…we had business in Britain. Eric and Mollie, my brother and sister-in-law, were returning to the States. He's with the State Department and they're stationing him San Diego. With all of us on the way back at the same time, it just seemed ideal for a vacation. Now you’re turn. What brings you?"

"My…" Keith struggled to define Angel. "I guess he's technically my boss, although he's more like a mentor. Anyway, he likes to take cruises, so here we are. It must be nice to have your family with you."

"Yeah, it is. It was a little rough for a while, because we haven't seen Eric and Mollie in three years. But everything's cool now. So where's home?"

"Everywhere and nowhere." Katie gave Keith a puzzled look, so he explained. "I'm originally from Miami, but I've lived all over the place. Spent the last two years in Dublin. Now we're headed for California."

"Will you get a chance to see your family in Miami when we dock?"

"I don't have family there any more. Well, not in the strictest sense."

"How so?" Katie cocked her head, listening intently.

Keith was touched by what seemed to be sincere interest in him. He regularly dealt with people who said they cared, but didn't. "I left my family of origin when I was fourteen."

"I'm sorry." Katie couldn't imagine not having family around, even Kevin.

"It's okay. It was actually better that I left.” Keith saw such compassion in Katie’s eyes. They suddenly had a depth to them that was very comforting, like he knew them, could trust them. “I never knew my dad and my mother had a drinking problem. And her last boyfriend was getting her into drugs."

"Oh no. No kid should have to live with that."

"It's frightening how many do." Keith finished his tale. "Well, to make a long story short, when Matt got violent or they'd start getting high, I'd leave. As you might imagine, we didn't live in the safest neighborhoods. One night I got mugged and Angel saved me. You've heard of  Guardian Angel ?"

"Sure. For runaways, right?"

"That's the one. Well, Angel, the guy who started it…Guardian Angel? Get it?," Keith asked.

"I kinda figured that out…" nodded Katie with a wry grin.

Keith couldn’t help but smile back.  _ Oh my! _ Somehow, he kept rambling. "Well, Angel took me back to the shelter and I decided it was a whole lot better than home. So I stayed." Keith opened his hands.

"You don't miss your mom?"

Keith thought for a minute. "What I feel is complicated…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Katie shift uncomfortable at her faux pas.

Which Keith took as a precursor to leaving. "You're not,” he said quickly. “Not really. I talk about this all the time with kids that come into the centers. You've got to share your story, so they'll trust you enough to share their stories. Then you can start to fix what's wrong. Anyway, what I really feel for my mom is sorry. I never hid from her where I went or how she could contact me. She never has.”

Katie was at a complete loss for words. She couldn’t imagine not having family. Hearing Keith’s story made her thankful for Kevin even.

“Anyway, it's her loss,” Keith continued. “And I'm better off here. But someday, I think I'd like to have a family of my own and do it right. Just haven't found the right woman yet. So have I scared you off?"

Something in her heart told Katie that she could never be scared of this man. She let him know it in her sad smile. "I'm still here."

"I just think you're too tired from that marathon,” joked Keith, tired of the morbidity his past conjured. He teased her lightly. “You run cross-country or something? Cause I tried to catch up with you and there was just no getting your attention."

Katie couldn’t help but laugh. "I’m so sorry. Really. I just get lost in it. You get into a groove and just stay there."

"Well, it's quite an impressive groove. And you lift too?"

"Yep. Trying to build some upper body strength. Gonna need it what I slay."

"Slay?"

_ DAMN! _ Katie scrambled to cover her slip. "Well, um, I compete in martial arts and I just moved up a level in competition. And I really want to do well."

This delightful woman in front of him was becoming more and more intriguing. It was his turn to smile slyly. "So you aren't exactly what you seem to be. One side likes old movies and shopping like any typical girl, but you run like the wind and like to fight. You're a very interesting woman, Katie Gillicut."

Katie hoped she kept the sparkle his flattery induced off her face. It wouldn’t do to seem too eager.  _ Like a teenager. _ She retreated to safe ground. "Gilli-cat. C-A-T. No wonder you couldn't find me in the ship's directory," she jibed gently.

"Gillicat. Sorry about that. Just for the record I never got a chance to find out it was wrong because they don't give out room numbers."

"Well then, I'm in room 4437. You want a pen?" she said hopefully.

"No, I'll remember." Keith's eyes smoldered. "Say you'll have a drink with me after you're done baby-sitting."

"I really shouldn't." Even though she really wanted to. Even though she wasn't allowed to.

"Please. You have to save me," Keith said melodramatically.

"From what?" she asked dubiously. Inside she giggled.  _ He really does want to see me. _

Keith took another deep breath. "Part of working for a non-profit organization like  Guardian Angel is the private sponsors. We get a good deal of money from rich people who like to say they are making a difference in this world." He sighed. "Well one of our 'angels' is on board and she seems intent upon seducing me."

Katie stared at him. "What?!"

"I'm not making this up, honest," he said, his arms spread wide, his shoulders shrugged. “And while Mrs. Garner is very attractive for a woman her age, she's old enough to be my mother.”

“Doesn’t say much about your employer that he allows this to go on.” Katie was disgusted at the harassment.

"Actually, she’s been better to me than my mother ever was,” Keith hastily explained. “She just comes on very strong. But if you have a drink with me, she'll see me with somebody else and maybe she'll back off. I won’t have to be blunt." He gave her an innocent look. "It's really very simple."

She wasn't buying it. "Uh-huh." But she felt more of that thrilling feeling knowing that he was trying so hard. And she really would be helping him out. What harm was there in that? "Where will you be?"

Keith flashed a big grin. "I could pick you up?"

_ Great, that's all I need. If Mom ever found out I 'having a drink' with an older man, she'd ground me for ten years. _ "I'm not saying I can get away or not." Katie watched Keith's smile start to fall. "I'm just saying if I can, where would you be? I'm not making any promises."

Keith's spirits started to rise with the hope. In fact he was happy that she was being cautious. Showed she had common sense. "I'll be in the bar at the ballroom."

Katie smiled. "Okay. I'll see what I can do." She glanced down at her watch. "And I have to go.” She turned, but hesitated. "If I don't see you tonight, can I interest you in a movie tomorrow?"

Keith smiled slyly again. "Yeah. Count on it."

##  **************

Angel had long since given up the video game for sketching when he heard the door open. Angel quickly put away his pad and pen as Keith came whistling in, looking very pleased with himself. When no information was forthcoming, Angel prompted him. "Well? Worth the forfeit?" his recently reacquired accent lilting the last word up a bit.

"Absolutely," said Keith, dropping his gym bag on the floor by the other suitcase. Sitting down on the couch, he continued, "Angel, I swear, I don't think I've met a more enchanting girl."

"So that means she's breathin’?" Angel teased his unusually desperate companion. "Ye can't be too care…wo-of." He was cut-off as Keith's smelly T-shirt landed right in Angel’s face.

"Yes, she's breathing and quite nicely at that," said Keith, taking off his shoes. "Any more comments and you're going to get these," gesturing to his socks.

"Ok, mercy…" Angel threw up his hands. "This girl really got ye good, hanna she?"

Keith rested him forearms on his knees, his hands locked. "Angel, I can't explain it. It makes no sense. I mean, it's the freakin' Love Boat." Keith grappled for words to explain while Angel swallowed a snort at the dated reference.

"So, don't keep me in suspense…I know ye're dyin’ t’ tell me about ‘er."

"That's just it. I can describe her, but I can't describe her." Angel gave Keith a dubious look. "Okay, she's in her early twenties, comes up to my chin, maybe a little taller. Luscious brown hair that she shouldn't wear in a ponytail. And…and her eyes…almost as if they know me and I know them. I could lose myself in their blackness. But it's like all the compassion in the world lives there, and in spite of it, they can still laugh. And she runs like the wind…"

Angel couldn't contain his laughter anymore. "Please, please don't burst into song…"

Keith stood up purposefully. "Hey, thanks for the support, man." He turned heel toward the bathroom. He was gone before Angel could apologize.

Immediately Angel was contrite. Obviously, he underestimated this girl's affect on Keith. Being a late bloomer, Keith usually got excited anytime any girl showed interest. In fact, he was first to poke fun at his own crushes. But for Keith to lose his sense of humor–this was more. Though how much more, Angel didn't know. What he did know was that he did his friend a disservice. One he intended to remedy as soon as Keith allowed him to.

Keith was still fuming when he returned. Angel let him storm around the room for a while before making eye contact. It was a look Keith usually got when he screwed up. Except he wasn't the one who screwed up this time. "Well?" Keith asked rather sharply.

Angel looked at his hands. "I'm sorry."

Angel didn't apologize often because he seldom had need to. Try as he might, Keith couldn't hold a grudge against the man he idolized. The tension left Keith's shoulders. "S'okay. I'm just a little edgy. I'm meeting her for drinks later. Or at least I'm hoping to."

"All this for drinks?" Angel whistled. "Ye've only met ‘er twice, ye can't describe ‘er and ye're hyper…sure she isn't Helen of Troy?"

Where Angel's humor had grated before, now it made Keith chuckled. "Something like that. I feel sixteen again. Did I tell you she's into martial arts?" Angel shook his head, resolved to only listen. "I couldn't catch her on the track. It was like watching a gazelle, long legs whizzed by me again and again. And just when I thought I wouldn't get a chance to talk to her, she came over to me. And then she was so easy to talk to. Can you believe I told her about my mother?" Angel arched his brows. "How many times do I counsel kids that they don't need to spill their life stories the first time they meet someone? And what do I do? But she wasn't scared."

"She sounds pretty special."

"Too good to be true because stuff like this only happens…" Keith gestured with his arms outstretched.

"…on the Love Boat," finished Angel. "Well, if she's got ye this wound up, the least I can do is let ye borrow one of my shirts."

"No, but thanks anyway." Angel arched an eyebrow at Keith as he got up. "The neck is a little small for a tie."

"So he's goin’ t’ iron? This I have t’ see."

"Sorry, can't oblige."

"I can't believe you're going wrinkled."

Keith looked at him like he had just sprouted a tail. "Of course not."

"But ye're out of shirts."

"No, I've got a couple I've saved for a special occasion."

"Where?"

Keith looked smug. "I have my own hiding spot."

"So ye've had shirts but ye steal mine for lesser occasions?"

"Well, yeah." Keith broke out a huge grin as he watched Angel fume. "Why should I wear one of the shirts I paid to have pressed at the cleaners, when I can steal your perfectly good ones instead?"

"Why ye…"

Keith started moving before Angel was out of the chair. "Hey now, remember I'm buying drinks in LA. You want to collect."

"Can't get blood from a stone…" gritted Angel, intent on catching Keith. Although what he would do with him once he caught Keith hadn't crossed his mind yet.


	11. Chapter 11

Katie just about skipped down the hallway.  _ I have a date, I have a date. With an older guy. A really cute, really built older guy. What am I gonna wear? _

The thought stopped her progress down the hall. 

_What am I gonna wear?_

Everything fancy she owned made her like the high school girl she was. Wearing any of it was out of the question. She was pretty sure he didn't think she was that young and she wasn't stupid enough to let on. Besides, it was more important that they clicked. And Slayers were known for being more mature than their years. She'd have to give this some thought.

She arrived at Eric and Mollie's with five minutes to spare. She knocked and Eric yelled, "Coming!" Katie heard them scuffle about and Eric hissed "Shit! Where are my pants?" Katie giggled, her brother's predicament distracting from her own. After a few moments, Eric answered the door wearing only shorts. "Quite the evening wear, good sir. Vertical for the first time today?" Katie's brother punched her arm, eliciting an "Ouch! That hurt!" though it really didn't.

"You expected that comment to go without a response? Kevin's been too easy on you."

"No, I just whip his butt."

"Uh-huh," said Eric, unbelieving.

"Is that a challenge?"

"No, it’s not," chimed Mollie entering from the bathroom, wearing the dress she'd bought that afternoon.

Katie whistled as Mollie slipped on black pumps. "Whoa! Mollie…I knew that silver pendant would look great with that."

"I have you to thank for sending me into bankruptcy?" Eric grumbled.

"You have me for encouraging your beautiful wife to spend some extra time impressing the sorry likes of you, brother dear."

"Don't do me any favors." Katie returned his earlier punch. "Hey! That hurt! Really!" Eric exclaimed indignantly. “Just how much have you been working out lately?”

"Told you I whoop Kevin. I could take you too."

"Mom lets you spend way too much time at the gym. Why don't you do more girl things?"

"Like shop?" Katie smiled sweetly, and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Why don't you get while the getting's good?" Mollie shoved her husband into the bathroom. She turned her attention to her sister-in-law. "I should really shove you in there next. Phew!"

"Sorry," Katie apologized. "I came from a really good run. I didn't want to be late. I'll get a shower when you get back."

"Why wait?"

"Well, I didn't want to be distracted from Jeffrey."

"He's quite portable at this age. And he's not going to be traumatized to see his aunt naked. I do breastfeed him you know."

"Well…"

"Listen, I expect that he's going to sleep through the night. He usually does when we put him to bed later. But I fed him about an hour ago and he's been out since. With him being sick and being out all day, he's exhausted."

"Lucky for me."

"Here, do my eyes." Mollie handed Katie her make-up bag and sat on the end of the bed with the light facing her.

Katie sat across from her and rooted through the bag. "This look okay to you? " said Katie as she took out a pad of violet eye shadow. "

"Whatever you think. I'm trusting you tonight. You haven't steered me wrong yet." With a wave of her hand, Mollie commanded, "Do what you will."

"Close your eyes." Katie loaded up the make-up stick and began applying it. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. It really means a lot to me."

"You've earned it. Besides it's about time I start realizing Jeffrey's not going to break when he's out of my sight. It's time to start depending on family."

"Rest assured I intend to do my best. I hope you have a good time tonight. Although Eric doesn't seem to be in much of a mood."

"He's just sleepy. The shower will wake him up. It's me I'm worried about. He got some sleep. I didn't. I'm exhausted."

"I thought we had a very relaxing day." Mollie smiled cheekily. After a minute, Katie caught on. "Oh, I just don't want to know. Ewww…that's my brother."

Mollie laughed at Katie's reaction. "You should know right off that part of being married is that you get to gloat to your unmarried friends about how good you got it."

"But he's my brother."

"Thank god he's not mine," Mollie smiled wickedly.

********

Angel watched Abby watch Keith watch the door.

He glanced at his watch. 10:42. He'd been watching this floor show for over an hour and a half now. On any other evening, the three of them would have scintillating conversation over a good bottle of wine or perhaps some cognac. Maybe a trip to the casino. Not so tonight. But this was almost more amusing.

Almost because he knew how Keith felt. He'd been furtively watching the door at intervals too, just for a different lady. Angel had planned on avoiding the bar for the rest of the cruise, knowing it was a major gathering place in the evenings. He'd had enough close calls bumping into Buffy. But Keith just about begged him to run interference with Abby.

"Angel," he reasoned, "I know Mrs. Garner is a really important person, but if there's any indication she might screw this up for me, I'm gonna be blunt with her. I'm giving you fair warning."

Angel knew Keith wasn't in the mood for any of Abby's antics. He also knew Abby would find the whole situation great fun and turn up the volume. The situation had the makings of a great emotional disaster. Keith didn't ask for much and he deserved to pursue this young lady unimpeded. Besides, Abby really didn't want Keith. She really wanted attention. Whether it was Angel's or Keith's was immaterial. So Angel put his concerns and fears about Buffy to the side. He reminded himself to make the people who were currently in his life more important than the person who had been his life. Angel was pulled back from his musings as Abby attempted to gain Keith's attention for the fifth time. "Mmnn, I love this song." She started to groove in her chair.

Keith was so intent on the door that he didn’t hear her.

"Shall we?" Angel inquired gesturing toward the dance floor, knowing Abby wanted Keith to ask that question.

She shot him a look that spoke volumes. She couldn't get to Keith tonight and it was driving her mad. It was quite amusing. She turned her attention back to Keith, "Are you sure she said she'd meet you?"

"She said she'd try to meet me after she was done baby-sitting." Keith's eyes never left the door, but it was clear that Abby voiced his own doubts.

"Baby-sitting…" Abby started incredulously, but was cut off.

"…can be rather eventful." Enough was enough. "Give ‘er some time. It's early yet," Angel said. He took Abby's hand. "Come on. We're dancing."

"But…" she stuttered as she stood.

"But nothin’." Angel slipped his arm around her waist, leaving Keith to his silent watch.

********

Katie started pacing at quarter after ten.

The wait wouldn't have been so bad if she could have done something to take her mind off of the fact that Keith was probably waiting for her. At least she hoped he was still waiting. But she had done everything she could do at this point.

As predicted, Jeffrey was out like a light. He slept through Katie's shower and the brief visit from Grandma and Nana. Katie assured her mother and Willow that she had Mollie's confidence, was perfectly capable of taking care of her nephew and sent them off to get ready for the evening's festivities.

So Katie had all evening to get ready for her date. Shaved her legs. Gave herself a manicure and pedicure. Dried her hair and hot rolled it. Large soft curls would lay about her shoulders. Right now she had it tied up with a ribbon so Mollie wouldn't get suspicious when they came back. She opted out of the heavy evening make-up, because Mollie would surely notice that. Besides it would take too long to do when she left and all she wanted to do was don her mother’s dress and go. Thus she had the subtle 'fresh' face look, though it was no less complicated.

After much thought, Katie decided to ‘borrow’ her mother's pink and silver ensemble. Buffy had worn it once this cruise already and she had said at breakfast that she was going to wear the blue dress that evening. She and her mother had different skin tones, so her mother’s colors weren’t the best on Katie, but pink would do. It was a two piece outfit, with a cropped top that had a long right sleeve and no left sleeve. The skirt was long and straight with two side slits. Katie was pretty sure it wouldn't look too short on her if she wore it low on her hips.

_ Where are they _ ? she thought as she looked out of the window. Just then, she heard the door latch. Mollie staggered in giggling, Eric scowling.

"Oh, oh, you should have been there, Katie," said Mollie, kicking off her heels.

"Quiet or you'll wake the baby," Eric grumbled, taking off his blazer. He went over to the carrier where his son gently slept. He touched him lightly on the head. "Any trouble?"

"Pretty much what you see is what I had. Pretty boring."

"Well our evening certainly wasn't." Mollie took off her earrings. "The ballroom was quite crowded and loud and on our first night out, we wanted to hear each other. So we went to the eight o'clock show." Mollie began to giggle again.

"It wasn't that funny."

"Oh yes it was."

"What was?" Katie asked as she picked up her stuff to go.

"Your brother was hypnotized," Mollie explained.

"You're kidding?"

"Nope. Had him convinced he had a mouthful of marbles. Couldn't talk for nothing."

"So you had a good time?" said Katie.

"She did," said Eric.

"Oh don't be a party pooper," Mollie said to her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist. "He had a perfectly marvelous time up 'til that point. Anyway, the show just ended, but I didn't think you'd mind."

"No that's fine," Katie lied through her teeth. She started for the door. "Well, I'll see you three tomorrow. Good night."

"You don't have to run away. We were going to have tea," invited Mollie.

Any other night, Katie would have jumped at the chance. "No, that's okay. I don't want to intrude."

"You're not intruding. We haven't had much time to talk on this trip," said Eric.

_Great, NOW they want to bond._ "S’okay. Really. How about breakfast tomorrow?"

"Sounds good," said Eric, looking at Mollie for confirmation. She shook her head yes.

"Great. Say nine?" said Katie, backing up toward the door. "Love you guys. 'Night."

"What do you think she's up to?" Mollie said to Eric as the door shut.

Katie rushed into the room she shared with her mother. She dropped her stuff on her dresser and dug out the black heeled sandals that went with everything. Ideally she should have a pair of silver ones like her mother, but they didn't wear the same shoe size. But black went with everything, black was what she had so black it was.

She stripped down to her underwear and opened her mother's closet. Her eyes got wide. "Oh shit…."

********

"So why'd you decided to wear the pink one?" Willow asked Buffy as they returned from the late seating.

"I can't hide a stake in something with spaghetti straps. Plus the slits. In case the elusive stalker is a vamp and I have to chase it down."

"You're going to patrol? What happened to demons be damned?"

"I know, I know, but it's my daughter. I probably won't find anything, but I have to look. I'll wait until things start hopping around here and then make a sweep.” Buffy shook her stake in emphasis. “If I find there is a ‘him’, he's gonna have hell to pay for goofing up my night."

Willow actually felt sorry for the guy. "Well, until then, want to go lose some money at black jack?"

"Why? When I can win at roulette." Buffy’s eyes shone as she tucked her stake away, as the lifetime friends headed for the casino.


	12. Chapter 12

Katie gave the woman in the mirror a once-over. The bronze of the elevator made her hair look black, instead of the deep sienna it actually was. Her lips were darker than the natural pink she knew she applied. The royal blue beaded dress that accentuated curves she had realized she had before tonight was muddy. But the spaghetti straps that led down to a V-neck accurately showed cleavage she did indeed have them. No hiding them, that was for sure. She couldn’t see the matching V down her back that gave hint of another equally enticing cleavage. Because of how she worked out, her figure was more muscular, fuller than her mother's causing the dress to snugly hug her waist and hips. Katie was grateful for the slit that came just above her right knee. Otherwise she was sure she’d tear the dress with her first step. Her stride was also longer than Buffy’s. But, everything was covered. So, not trashy. Voluptuous. She was definitely channeling Marilyn or Christina tonight. She refused to be apologetic about it either. 

Overall, Katie was pleased. She looked self-assured and confident in her attractiveness—when she forgot about how badly her mother would kill her if she ever found out about stealing her dress.  _ What was it that her mom always used to say to Xander? Deadest guy in Deadonia? _ Katie took a deep breath and muttered, "Okay, fake it 'til you make it…" She might just be able to pull this off if she got back around midnight. Her mom wouldn't suspect a thing when she returned around one.

A couple entered the elevator one floor from the ballroom and bar. They smiled different smiles at her. The wife's was one of understanding, the husband's of appreciation. Katie smiled back and looked in the mirror one last time.

To see the sales tags peeking out from the side of the dress.

Katie rolled her eyes and tried to push them casually back in.  _ She couldn't cut off the tags? Why didn’t she wear this one? _ Push came to shove, if Keith noticed them, she'd play dumb and cut them off. Hells, she was going to be in enough trouble already.

The elevator chimed and Katie gestured to the couple to precede her. Katie took another deep breath and stepped out. The room looked totally different. She hadn't been up here at this time before. Children under eighteen were not allowed here after 9 pm.

_ Well, I won't have to lie if no one asks. _ . Katie took another deep breath, rolled her shoulders back, pulled up her frame and flipped her hair over her shoulders. She strode through the archway. A couple of feet into the room, she stopped to scan the room.

"Can I help you?" an attendant asked politely.

Katie froze.  _ They know! _ But before panic made her do something stupid, she heard another voice behind her.

"She's with me.”

Katie turned to see Keith at her side and smiled with relief. She began to ramble. "I'm sorry I'm so late. Eric and Mollie decided to see the eight o'clock show, so they got back later than they expected and of course wanted to chat and I didn't want to be rude and then I had to change, but I'm finally here. Keith?"

Keith was planted to the floor, mesmerized at the vision in front of him. He was just about to give up when he saw her come through the door. He was out of his seat in a flash, unwilling to let any other man in the room make claim.

"Keith?" Katie asked again. "You alright?"

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "It's just that…"

"What?” asked Katie, in a sudden panic. “Have I got spinach between my teeth?"

"Oh no," Keith chuckled himself out of his stupor. "It's just that…you look utterly amazing. You take my breath away."

_ Oh god, _ Katie thought letting out a sigh. She blushed, but managed a "Thank you."

"Well, I guess we shouldn't stand here and gape at each other where everyone can gape at us," Keith commented, having regained his composure. He reached around her, lightly placing his hand on the small of her back and guided her across the room, a grin plastered firmly on his face for all to see.

Katie fought to maintain her outer composure while her stomach did somersaults. His fingers left electric sparks against her skin. She could feel his muscles shift against her shoulder, step by step. She blocked out everything except the way he felt next to her. And the way he smelled, deep, dry and spicy.

They came to the circular booth, where he gestured for her to have a seat. She slid in as gently as she could, the fabric of the dress fighting the fabric on the cushion. When she was settled, he asked, "What can I get you?"

“Get me?”

“To drink?”

Once again, Katie panicked, not wanting to be childish and order a soda. But, the only alcohol she'd ever had was at her brother's wedding. "Champagne!" she blurted.

Keith cocked his head appreciatively, his smile slightly bolder. "Champagne it is. If you'll excuse me…"

Katie tried to regain her bearings by evaluating her surroundings. This afternoon taught her that she had to be aware regardless of the circumstances. Being out was good practice. Keith had picked a booth at the back wall with a clear line of sight to the entry on either side of the bar, which was located in the middle of the deck. The bar serviced both the ballroom and the smaller barroom. Muffled music wafted through the smoky air.

The room itself done, she scanned the occupants. The bar was semi-crowded, mostly men with cigars congregated around tables. _ Probably trying to avoid being dragged out on the dance floor by their wives.  _ Her gaze began looking over the bar and found Keith perched, waiting. He looked at her and smiled.

Suddenly it was her turn to catch her breath. He wore a classic black tuxedo, with a black bow tie and cummerbund, his shoes buffed to a shine, one propped on the shiny brass foot rail. The way he wore it was just as classic, broad shoulders narrowing to his waist, creating an inverted triangle. No, she definitely hadn’t simply imagined those muscles. His sandy brown hair fell over his forehead, hitting wire rimmed glasses. She hadn't noticed them before. He seemed much taller than he felt next to her, long legs bringing him toward her carrying a bottle in a cask.

He set two flutes down on the table, followed by the cask. He sat down next to her, she noted, so he too could watch the room.

"The great thing about ordering champagne at a bar is that the bartender deals with the cork," he said, as he poured.

"Is it difficult to open?" she asked innocently.

"It can be. Haven't you ever popped one?" When Katie shook her head, he explained. "Most people find them fun, watching the cork fly off to parts unknown. Me, I wind up wearing more champagne than I drink."

"Oh surely, it's not bad as all that," Katie laughed.

"Someday when we're not wearing our finest clothes, I'll show you. You'll see," Keith said, handing her a glass.

"Not likely. Champagne is for special occasions and that usually means wearing your best."

"Or wearing nothing at all." Keith shocked Katie and it showed. "I'm sorry, ignore me," Keith scrambled to cover his fumble. "So what should we toast to?"

"A toast?"

"Of course. You said that champagne is for special occasions. And you ordered champagne. So this must be a special occasion since special occasions require toasts."

Katie took the moment to regain her composure, wishing she could pace a bit like she did in competition. She was thinking and acting like a teenager, instead of the woman Keith thought she was. She closed her eyes for a moment, re-orienting herself mentally.  _ Fake it ‘til you make it! _ When she opened them, she raised her glass and smiled knowingly. "To making the most of being the youngest people on this cruise."

"Here, here," Keith seconded and clinked her glass. They both sipped from their flutes, but Katie let out a giggle. "What?"

"The bubbles…they tickle. I guess that's silly."

Keith stared at her. He continued with his forthright honesty. "I find it captivating.” He clinked her glass again. “I find YOU captivating."

She returned his gaze. _Ok, Katie, you're playing in the big leagues. Pace yourself._ She dug down deep and pulled out two more tournament-winning strategies. _A good defense is a strong offense_. _No guts, no glory._ "I’m glad you like what you see. I hoped you would."

For the second time that night, she took his words away. He didn't expect such a candid confession, especially after her reaction at his previous comment. Somehow, he found his words quickly. "I do. You are more than I ever dreamed of." Katie couldn't help but laugh at Keith's declaration. It was catching and broke the ice. "I sound like a love starved school boy, don't I?"

"Just a little."  _ But I know how you feel. _ As they laughed, Katie realized Keith was just as nervous as she was. She relaxed just a bit when he tried to fill the awkward silence.

"Is it okay?" asked Keith.

"Pardon me?"

"The champagne? Is it okay?"

"Yes, fine. Why?"

"Well…you've hardly touched it."

_Think, Katie, think._ "It's very good. It's just I like the way it lingers on my tongue. Especially because I don't drink often."

_ Oh lady, you have no idea how I'd like to linger! _ thought Keith. "You don't?"

"No.” Not feeling as intimidated, Katie began to open up. “When you asked me what would I like, the first thing that I could remember was champagne,” she confessed. “Is that too silly?"

"Maybe. But it's honest." Impetuously, Keith decided to take a risk. "As long as we're being honest, can I tell you something?"

_ We're being honest? Damn, _ Katie cursed to herself. "Sure."

"I like your honesty." All the tension Katie felt came rushing back as Keith continued. "I like knowing that being honest works best. It's too hard to think of clever, leading things to say that may or may not be witty."

_ Don’t I know it! _ "I agree. I don't like that either. So what's the next topic?" Katie asked quickly, wanting to leave the present subject far behind. "Tell me about your job."

"Oh, why? We're having such a nice time and you want to talk about work?"

Katie chuckled. "It must be more than work. How many employers take their staff on cruises with them?"

Keith laughed in spite of himself. "True, very true. I suspect most employees wouldn't WANT to be on a cruise with their boss."

"Exactly. But you are. Which tells me it's more than a job."

"I guess it is. I told you a little about me?" he asked, not wanting to repeat himself.

"You were once a  Guardian Angel …" Katie groped to find the right word.

"Client. We call them clients. Or kids."

"So you were a client,” Katie nodded. “How did you hop the fence?"

"Hop the fence?"

"Yeah. Go from client to…counselor"

Keith shook his head in denial. "I'm not a counselor."

"No? What are you then?"

Keith thought for a moment. "You know, I'm not sure. I've never had a job title. Or a job description."

"So what do you do?"

"I help start centers."

"And that means?"

"I do whatever needs to be done. Scout office and residence space. Because you know we have to be able to put these kids up for a while. Mmmm…Talk to benefactors, walk the street, keeping an eye out for trouble, get a lay of the land. Talk to kids about how they have choices. Bring them to GA. Show them different ways to take pride in themselves."

"So you're a counselor," she confirmed.

"No. We usually have a professional around. On call at least."

"But on call isn't really like being there. Or talking about your story. Sometimes you can only talk about things with someone who has experienced the same experience." Katie knew the truth of that statement, given the recent changes in her life. "So in your own way, you do counsel."

"I guess I do."

"So what do you like best? About your job, I mean."

"I guess when I go to sleep I know that at least someone has breathed easier for what I've done. It's a reason to get up in the morning,” He look a sip of champagne. “Your turn. What do you do?"

"I'm in school."  _ Of course I haven’t said what KIND of school. _

"More power to you. I hated school."

"Wow. Why?"

"Why what?

"Why did you hate it?"

"I dunno. Just did."

"There must be some reason."

"I guess I don’t have a problem with all school. Just parts of it. Like history or English."

"How?"

"What is this? Twenty questions?"

"No…well, yeah, okay. Really, I want to know. Why didn't you like history? I really like it."

"Well with math, the answer is either right or it's wrong. Very clear. With history, or any of those other goofy things you have to take, there’s no standard. It's whatever this person with some degree says is right. And what one thinks is right or good or worthwhile, another thinks is garbage. I don't buy that."

"You certainly have strong opinions."

"No…well, yeah, okay,” he imitated her, making her grin. “Do you like people to tell you what to do?"

"No, I guess not," she smiled

"Ok, then. I don't like people telling me what I think isn't right or good."

"I can understand that. Now, me, I take it from a completely different perspective. I get a real charge out of writing a paper that so completely makes it's point that the teacher can't help but give it a good mark, even if she doesn't agree with it. It's a lot of fun."

"If you say so," Keith said skeptically. "That's never been my experience. So you like school?"

"I didn't say that." When Keith looked at her quizzically, Katie explained. "School I can take or leave. My mom wasn't a particularly good student, so she's taught me there are other ways to learn outside the system of sitting in a classroom."

"That's cool."

"Yeah, my mom is pretty cool."

"She must be if you're willing to go on a twelve day cruise with her."

"Would it scare you to know we're sharing a room?" Katie said coyly.

"No. Somehow that fits. You two are close?" Keith said half way between a question and a statement.

"We are. This trip has brought us more so."

"So tell me about her.

"My mom? God, she's amazing. She's beautiful and funny. I love the fact that she runs her own business. And that it's a guy business." Before he could ask, Katie explained, "She owns a gym."

"Oh," said Keith, fitting pieces together. "So that's why you looked so comfortable with the machines. You know, it's almost like clockwork, but every time I work out, I'm helping some girl with a machine. At first I thought it was some way to pick up guys, but no such luck."

"I know. I get that a lot too. There are times I sneak in after closing, so I can work out in peace."

"I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm surprised that anyone can get your attention when you work out. I sure couldn't."

Katie rolled her eyes. "You know, I'm on vacation. I wasn't exactly expecting anyone to be in the gym. Have you seen who's on this ship?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I have. And I don't have family to sit with."

"Why is that a problem?"

"I get seated with every single lady on this ship. I swear they have a rotation schedule."

Katie laughed. "And from what you said earlier, your boss doesn’t exactly run interference."

"Angel does tend to be scarce at dinner,” agreed Keith. “He spends so much time with this crowd anyway, that he just wants to get lost for a while. Down time."

"So why do you go out at meal times?"

"Well, if I was around, it wouldn't be much down time."

"True." Katie sipped more champagne. When she sat down her flute, she noticed the time. "Oh my, I really need to go…" Katie slid from her seat, careful not to knock out the concealed tag.

Keith scrambled from the table. "Go? You just got here? It's not even midnight yet."

_I know, but if I don't go now, this'll be the end of that._ "I know, but it's been a long day and I'm tired."

Clearly disappointed, Maxwell wasn't giving up yet. "Say you'll dance with me?" When she looked uncertain, he pushed a little more. "You went to all this effort to look fabulous, it’d be a shame not to show it off.” Keith’s appeal to her ego eroded her resolve further. He pleaded with his best puppy-dog eyes. “Just one?"

_He dances?!_ "Well, okay," Katie smiled.

His eyes twinkling, Keith offered his hand. She took it, feeling tiny but protected by his. He led her through the bar, into the ballroom, through the crowd to the floor. He took her in his arms and she settled there, song after song.

*********************

"Oh, please, Angel?" Abby whined. "It'll be fun…"

Angel gulped down the last of his scotch and put the glass on the table in the ballroom with a firm thunk. "No. Absolutely not."

"But…"

"No." Somehow they'd managed to have a semblance of conversation over the band in the ballroom. After several dances and numerous jealous looks from other women, Abby finally forgave Angel and started being pleasant again. They retreated to a side table and resumed their afternoon talk. Much to Angel's chagrin. "There is no way I'm gonna t’ any party, much less a New Year's fundraiser, dressed in a bunny suit."

"But it's such a good idea."

"No, it's not." Angel screwed up his face with incomprehension. "Why would ye want t’ have a theme party anyway? Inna it enough that ye get us in monkey suits as it is? And they don't itch as much."

"Oh ho! So I'm not the only woman who would compare you to the Energizer Bunny?"

Angel sighed. "Abby, are ye always this much trouble when ye're getting divorced?" He ran his hand over his brow. "Cause this is getting old, fast."

Abby pouted. When she didn't dignify him with an answer, he went to the bar for a refill. When he returned, Abby's mood had gone from bad to worse.

"It's too short. And too tight in the hips. Way too stiff. And the shoes. Would you…"

"Now what?" Angel sighed. He wasn't going to last much longer. Keith had better appreciate this.

"Who would wear black with blue and silver? It's tacky." When Angel gave Abby the What-are-you-talking-about look, she explained. "Keith's dream date. They just came in."

Angel scanned the room to see a blissful Keith holding a tall woman with spectacular brown hair cascading down her back. Seeing an opportunity to get back at Abby, Angel whistled.

She hit him. "Hey!"

"If that's what the cleavage on ‘er back looks like, I can't wait t’ see the front." Angel grinned mischievously when Abby hit him again. "Oh ye're just jealous." He watched her look away quickly. "Abby, come on. What's really botherin’ ye? Ye aren't you." Angel gently rubbed his hand across Abby's shoulders. Suddenly Abby took a deep breath and strangled to sob. Angel turned her toward him and gathered her to his chest. He held her as she shuddered, fighting to keep her internal grief caged in this public setting. After a while, she calmed. When he felt he could, he released one hand, dug in his pocket and offered her a handkerchief for those tears she lost.

She laughed at the gesture. "How many men today actually carry real handkerchiefs," she said, her face stained. She dabbed discreetly. "You're one in a million."

"So, was Ray," said Angel, finally understanding her behavior of late. His comment was an educated guess, but her struggle to not break down again confirmed his suspicions. "Ye aren't divorcing him, he's divorcin’ you." Abby could only nod. She turned away from Angel, away from the crowd, sobbing uncontrollably, finally losing the battle.

Gently gasping her shoulders, he said, "Come on." She stood pliantly, allowing him to wrap his arm around her shoulder and take her from the ballroom in the most discrete path. Once in the hallway, he removed his jacket and threw it over her shoulders.

They walked in silence until they reached her cabin. "Where's yer key?" Angel asked. He sat her down on the bed and kneeled to remove her shoes. Silently he drew a bath. "Go," he commanded. "I'll be ‘ere when ye're done," he assured her.

Twenty minutes later, she emerged, wrapped in a fluffy white robe. Angel guided her to the turned down bed, tucked her in, and retrieved a cup of lukewarm tea from the vanity.

"Why are you so good to me when I'm such a bitch?" she asked.

"I like bitchy women," he shrugged, making her smile in spite of her sorrow. He sat in a chair and retrieved his own cup. "He left ye for someone else, dinna he?"

"Yes. Doesn't help that she was younger." She looked up and took a deep breath. She shook her head. "I'm not going to cry. I've done enough of that. He's not worth it."

"Dinna minimize this,” Angel instructed. “Makin’ it less than it was won't heal you. And neither will findin’ a replacement. Ye really loved ‘im."

"Oh yeah,” she smiled ruefully. "I thought he was the one I'd live my life with," she gasped in spite of herself. Angel watched as she fought to swallow another sob. "Guess I was wrong."

"Situations change. People change. Life goes on. The law of averages says we will laugh and cry in equal measure."

"I hate that part." Abby sighed, tears threatening again. She took a ragged breath, then a sip and stared at her cup. Angel waited her out, the silence giving her time to articulate her emotions. She looked up at him. "It's not like I've never gone through a divorce. Coño, I was starting to think if I wasn’t getting married or divorced, life was stale. But this time…when Ray told me, I felt like he took a knife of ice and sliced me in two."

"And ye're scared ye'll never be whole again?"

“Yeah.” Tears welled again as she nodded. "You understand?"

Angel snorted lightly. "Too well. When are ye goin’ t’ be believe there isn't much I hanna been through." Angel leaned on his knees and took Abby's hands in his own. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "Listen, I'm not goin’ t’ lie. It's possible ye might find someone else who completes you, but more than likely ye won't. But I promise it won't always be this bad. It won't be the same, but other people will fill in the gaps. Time will come when ye'll be grateful for the time ye spent together and ye'll realize how lucky ye were t’ have it at all."

"I wish I could believe you."

"Ye will. Remember the only way out is through." Angel suddenly grimaced. "Ugh, ye're turning me into a girl…aren't ye supposed t’ have these kinds of talk over margaritas and hot tubs?"

Abby howled in spite of her pain. "Why do you think I'm headed back to the states? They don't have that tradition in Europe."

Angel put on this jacket. "Sleep," he commanded again. "Things won't look this dire in the mornin’." When she started to protest, he silenced her. "Ye're tired and emotional and need a good night's rest. We talk about this now and ye're only going to get upset all over again. And ye'll resent that ye broke down even more."

"But you'll join me in the hot tub tomorrow," Abby asked hopefully.

"The things I do for you. Okay, okay." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. He pulled the covers up and tucked her in. "No souls saved after an ‘our," invoking a time honored rule.

She couldn’t help but smile at the line he always gave when grave discussions got out of hand. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" she murmured as she snuggled into the warm bed, emotionally drained.

Angel smiled. "I could ask the same question." He flipped the switch and left.

*********************

"That's my dress!!"

Willow laughed at Buffy's outrage. "It's a very nice dress," she said wryly. Buffy shot a dirty look at her best friend. Willow tried to be serious, but failed miserably. "Well, you know what they say? What goes around, comes around."

"Thanks. With friends like you, I don't need enemies." Buffy scowled and wondered what else she missed that night.

She had combed the ship from bow to stern earlier that evening. It has taken her two hours. She was sure she hadn't missed anything. The mystery man was nowhere to be seen. She returned to the casino about midnight to find Willow $200 richer. Disgusted, Buffy insisted Willow find her a margarita to drown her woes.

Instead she found her under-age daughter wearing HER new dress in the arms of a handsome stranger. Buffy's only consolation was that at least the mystery man didn't seem to be in the room.

Willow interrupted her thoughts. "Oh, come on Buffy, you were young once. I remember, I was there."

"I would never…" Buffy stopped as Willow's eyes twinkled. "Well, okay, I would borrow my mother's dress, but I wouldn't…" Willow fixed another dubious look at her. "Oh alright, already. So I have to admit to the genetic predisposition to be attracted to older men. I don’t have to like it. Didn't do me a lot of good."

"Who are you trying to kid? 'I don't have to like it?' Really? I seem to recall you liked it a lot." Willow quipped as Buffy started to resemble an annoyed duck. Willow couldn't resist rubbing it a little more. "Somehow, I don't think Katie's gonna have quite the trouble you did, though. He looks human enough."

"You're enjoying this way too much."

"Yes I am," Willow smiled gleefully, her grin taking ten years from her face. 

Buffy raised an exasperated hand toward her daughter. "She's completely clueless that we've been standing here for ten minutes." She began tapping her foot. Five minutes later Katie lifted her head.

_ Oh shit, _ shot through Katie's mind when she saw the look on her mother's face from across the room. She watched as her mother mouthed, "Home. Now." Katie nodded. Her mother turned on heel and left the ballroom.

"Um, Keith, I'm sorry, but I really do have to go now." Katie pulled away.

"I thought we were having a nice time," Keith said, trying to keep any contact he could.

"Oh, we were, but it's late, and I really need to go."

"I'll walk you home."

"No!" Katie panicked. She rushed to cover quickly. "Really, that's okay, thank you though."

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

Katie cringed.  _ If I’m alive! _ "I don't know. We'll see. I'll call you."

She left Keith abruptly on the dance floor as she fled. _What did I do?_ After checking the time, Keith half expected to find a shoe in the hallway. He'd been on enough adventures with Angel to have seen stranger things. 

*********************

The elevator dinged. Katie raced inside. She pushed the number as the door closed. "I'm so dead," she muttered.

"Excuse me?"

Startled, Katie looked up to find the man she saw at her mother's party the previous night. "Oh nothing."

She watched him nod. He assumed the time honored stare-at-the-numbers stance. Katie assumed it too, but tried to steal glances at him to find out more about him. She tried to think what questions would interest her mother when one detail struck her like a thunderbolt.

He had no reflection.

Katie struggled to maintain her composure. The doors opened when the next floor chimed. "G’evenin’ t’ ye," he politely said in an Irish accent as he left.

As the doors closed, Katie repeated "Lido deck, Lido deck, Lido deck," so she wouldn't forget before she found her mother.

*********************

Angel strode down the hall. After tucking in Abby, he'd been looking forward to hearing about Keith's date. However, like he told Abby, things change. He walked past his room to the deck outside. He admired the serenity of the night sky while he waited for Buffy to come looking for the vampire her daughter saw in the elevator.


	13. Chapter 13

Katie hesitantly opened the door to find her mother, now clad in sweats, pacing the room. She didn't speak until Katie stood beside the first bed.

"I'm drinking water…Do you know why I'm drinking water?" her mother inquired, gesturing to the ceramic coffee cup in her hands. Before Katie could answer, Buffy continued. "I'll tell you why I'm drinking water. I'm drinking water because I didn't have a chance to get my margarita. Do you know why I didn't get my margarita? Hmm?" Katie stared her mother. "Suppose I tell you why…Because a certain underage daughter of mine was some place she wasn't supposed to be tonight." Turning, Buffy returned her stare. "Now how could that be?"

Katie remained frozen in place. They stood there, staring, for minutes, before Katie dropped her eyes. Buffy let out a deep sigh and sat down on her bed, closest to the window. She looked up at her daughter. "Okay, you get that I'm furious." Buffy shook her head and smiled wryly at how much of herself she saw in her daughter. She patted the bed next to her. Katie sat down beside her. "Were this six months ago, I'd tan your ass and ground you for another six months. But that was then and this is now." She gently clasped Katie's chin. "You're a Slayer and that changes things. Sometimes being places you aren't supposed to be are the places you need to be most. But there's a safe way and a stupid way. And the second breaks the first rule of slaying.  _ Don't get dead. _ So get out of my dress and we'll talk about the difference." Buffy noted Katie was still terrified. "Enough of the scared-rabbit routine already."

Katie's impression wasn't just inspired by Buffy. "I just saw him."

"Who him?"

Katie's eyes got wide. "Him him!" she gestured emphatically.

Buffy's concern abruptly shifted. Their heart to heart could wait. This was bigger. "Where?" she asked sharply.

"In the elevator. He got out on the Lido deck." Katie bounced on the bed in the rush to get out all the details that fled her mind in the midst of her mother's tongue-lashing. "I got a good look at him this time. Tall, at least six foot, looks really strong, Irish accent…"

"You talked to him?" Buffy's concern went up an order of magnitude.

"Well, he talked to me."

"What did he say?"

"Just good evening when he got out. But Mom, you know how the elevators are mirrored? He didn't have a reflection. That means he's…"

"…a vampire. Okay," said Buffy, crawling under the bed. "Our talk can wait. I'm going hunting."

Buffy grunted as she pulled out her suitcase. Katie watched as her mother opened the case, jiggling the top. Katie's eyes got wide when she saw it dropped down to reveal a hidden compartment filled with stakes, bottles of water and a multitude of other equipment. Buffy selected two stakes and placed them in the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

While Buffy put away the case, Katie started to change. "Don't I get one?"

"No. You're staying here," Buffy directed.

"But I'm supposed to…"

"Don't worry, you'll kill more vampires than bugs. But this isn't the place to learn. Vampires don't like to be cooped up. I'm not sure why this one's on ship, but they don't need to travel this way anymore. He gets cornered, he's gonna be dangerous, just like a wild animal. So I will handle him. Do I make myself clear?"

Katie only nodded.

*********************

Five minutes later, Buffy stepped out of the elevator on the Lido Deck. She walked carefully down the hall at a reasonably normal rate. Her eyes darted back and forth, concentrating on her peripheral vision. Nothing unusual in the hall. The quiver in her stomach told her otherwise. Finally.

Buffy cautiously stepped on deck. She saw a man leaning on the railing near the ship's edge. Mindful of the sound her feet made on deck, she approached silently and carefully. Her approach was ignored until she was eight feet away from her target. Angel turned to greet her.

He watched as shock overtook her face. Relief replaced it, but she still didn't speak. He expected anger was next, so he scrambled to explain. "I…I…thought I'd wait here." He shrugged his shoulders. "Thought it'd be a nice change of pace…for ye t’ find me…avoid…"

"…scaring me out of my wits." Buffy surprised him when she laughed. "I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks."

It was the last response Angel expected. It was contagious and he joined her. "Apparently. Ye…ye can put that down now," Angel said, with a familiar nervous chuckle, gesturing to the stake she still had raised. It pinched her heart to hear. 

"Oh yeah." She lowered it, as she walked toward him. It quickly became clear to her why Katie had seen him and she hadn’t. "You know, we could have avoided this if you had just said hello." At one time, the phrase would have held rancor. Now it was only a statement, tinted with amusement.

Angel smiled at the difference in her reaction. She had indeed grown up. "I dinna know ye were ‘ere until last night. Happy Birthday, by the way."

"Thank you," she smiled sweetly at him. "You remembered…"

His heart broke a little more at her words. This was closer than he had been to her in years and once again he wondered if he did the right thing by turning back time. He wasn't lying when he told Abby you only get complete once. How he wished he could have watched the face he fell in love with turn into the face he memorized now. "A’course I remembered.” Angel took a beat, then uttered the time-honored phrase of those meeting after many years apart.. “Ye look good, Buffy.”

“Thanks,” she replied, her grin broadening for she knew it was true. “You sound  _ soooo _ different though.”

“Ah, yes,” he nodded, “I expect I would. That’s what I get for goin’ back t’ m’motherland for a year.”

“I guess this is proof positive that you really are Irish.”

“I guess so.”

They smiled at each other, not knowing what to say next. Awkward silence filled the air. Abruptly they tried to fill it together.

"Yer daughter…" he said.

"So were you…" she said at the same time.

They laughed again. "You first," Angel offered.

"So you were waiting for me?"

Angel shrugged. "I kinda figured from the look on yer daughter's face I'd be gettin’ a visit. Thought I'd make it easy on ye for a change."

"How'd you know she was my daughter?"

"Ye mean other than the fact that she was carryin’ yer birthday cake when I first saw ‘er? She's so much like you, except where ye catch the light, she catches the shadows."

_ If you only knew how many times I thought that very thing about you. _ Buffy smiled pride and melancholy at the accuracy—and poetry—of his description. She leaned against the railing, adding up clues. "Was that you this afternoon? In the gym?"

Angel shook his head in admittance. "Aye, that was me. I didn't think ye saw."

"I didn't. Katie did. And this morning. And last night." She took a step toward him. She looked at him with compassion. "I'm sorry you think you need to avoid me."

"Don’t I?" answered Angel, more truthfully than he planned.

"No," Buffy said solidly. "It's good to see you. It's been a long time, Angel. Too long. You've done well for yourself."

They were being so polite. A few minutes earlier he was happy about her maturity. Now he was disappointed she was so composed. He wished he still 'threw' her. After all, she still had that effect on him. "So have you. Yer daughter's beautiful. Like I said, she takes after you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it," she said, not bothering to hide her disgust. He looked a question at her. Never the one to pass up an opportunity to bitch, she proceeded to vent. "Tonight, my underage daughter ‘borrowed’," she gestured quote marks, "my new dress to go meet a man at the bar. While I was out looking for you." Buffy shook her head. "I really should be getting back to her." Buffy made a face. "I owe her a talk."

Angel laughed knowingly. "What goes around…"

"…comes around. I know. Willow didn't hesitate to remind me either."

"What else are best friends for?"

"Too true…You know, " she said tentatively. "I'd like for us to get together. We have a lot to catch up on."

__

_ Oh so civilized.  _ "That’d be nice. I'd like t’ meet yer daughter, show ‘er I don't mean ye any harm. Could I bring…oh no," Angel cringed with realization.

"What?" asked Buffy, alarmed at his reaction.

"I thought that dress looked familiar. Katie's young man,” Angel half laughed, shaking his head. “He's with me."

"Oh, you're kidding…"

"No, I'm not. This is just great. She's got Keith in knots. He's gonna t’ be so thrilled when he finds out how young she is. Exactly how young is she?" he winced.

"She'll be sixteen next month."

"Oh, laddie," Angel chuckled from the fond memory. "It seems the Summers women are very captivating at that age. I know how's he's going t’ feel."

Suddenly the air took on the thickness of old. "How did you feel, Angel?" Buffy asked, her voice deep.

He couldn't answer her with words. His body stepped toward her of its own volition, feeling what it always felt when it was around her. What he still felt. He cupped her cheek and bent his head toward hers. The rush of his lips meeting hers overwhelmed him just as it had the first time he ever kissed her. As she kissed him back, he had a vague notion this was a dangerous situation.

*********************

Katie paced in their room. She waited. And waited. And waited. After fifteen minutes, she started to worry. And think.

_ What if she got cornered? What if he's too powerful? _ Katie's mind raced with a thousand questions she had no answers for. She paced for five more minutes.  _ Okay, well, she can't get any more mad at me than she already is. And she did say sometimes the best places to be are the places you aren't supposed to _ , Katie thought as she walked out of the room.

Katie exited the elevators. She noted the petite sneaker prints on the neatly vacuumed rug. She followed them to the end of the hall.

Katie listened before peeking around the wall to the deck. Fear gripped Katie as she saw a vampire in full game face holding her mother tightly in his arms, nuzzling her neck. Katie looked around for anything she could use to stop him from sinking his teeth into the perfect spot.  _ Damn, why didn't I grab a stake! _ She pounded the wall and scraped across a mounted cleat. She neither knew nor cared its purpose. She took hold, pulled and ran.

*********************

_ Had it really been thirty years since he felt this? How had he walked away? How had he lived? _ The scent of her hair, the softness of her lips, the taste of her skin…

Suddenly, iron gripped his shoulders, tearing him from Buffy's warm embrace. He sailed through the air and landed flat on his back. He started to get up, but a blow across his face stunned him. Then something struck him hard in the chest. Angel looked down. It was surreal to see the stake protruding from his heart.

_ Well at least I got to kiss her one last time. _ "Buffy…" he gasped as his vision faded.


	14. Chapter 14

When Angel turned around, Buffy's heart leapt. While he explained, she gathered her composure. Which was damn difficult with that incredibly sexy accent. Still, she managed to cover. She'd won more than her share from Giles and Xander with the practiced poker face of a mother of three.

Once composed, she realized she felt old. Not just older. Old, when she looked at him. He hadn't changed. He looked as young as the day she left him.

She'd often wondered if this day would ever come, alternately anticipating and dreading it. On one hand, she felt she owed him an explanation for the choices she'd made in her life. On the other, he had no right to pass judgment on her. He chose not to be in her life.

There was too much to process tonight to make confession. Instead she focused on the fact that he was here and seemed as 'content' as his curse allowed him to be. As she spoke, she realized she'd unconsciously aged him when she dreamt about him. How she wished she hadn't had to live her life without him. How they might have grown old together. It was one of the two fantasies she allowed herself to indulge in. She didn't have any room in her life for any others. Including the one where he might still find her as enticing as the young girl she once was.

Nevertheless she indulged. He responded. What he would not say in words, he acted, at the first indication that she would accept it. Buffy became lost as the depth of his emotion met hers. She silently cursed him and whatever power it was that required payment for sins not her own. She deserved to have this in her life. She was made to…

Abruptly he was gone. Buffy's eyes blinked open. It took a moment to focus on her daughter skidding to a stop by Angel's prone body. Quickly she understood her daughter's intent.

"No, Katie, it's okay, Nooo…" Not quickly enough. "NOOOO!! ANGEL!!!" She watched helplessly as Katie plunged a stake into Angel's chest.

Buffy raced across the deck.  _ No, this can't be happening. Please…it's not fair…Why did Katie’s first vampire have to be mine? _ she thought as she slid on her knees beside them.

"Mom, I don't understand. He's still here." Buffy's daughter stood bewildered over her. "You told me vampires explode into dust. What did I do wrong?" Horror crept over Katie's face as she started to panic. "Oh my god, he's not…Mom…really…I thought I saw fangs…I saw…MOM!"

Buffy stood in a whirl of fury. She grabbed Katie by the arms and shook her. "I told you to stay in the cabin. I told you! This is what happens when you're not…"

Buffy never finished as Katie's words sunk in. She was transfixed on Angel. Time stood still when she realized the puff of air never came to take her lover away forever. Instead, Angel lay on the deck, unconscious, a fourteen inch cleat embedded deeply in his chest.

Buffy sank to the floor as her knees gave out.  _ Thank you, Goddess, this one time, for Katie's inexperience, _ she prayed. As she had done so many times before, she waited for him to wake up, so she would have his assistance when she pulled the weapon.

Instead she watched blood pool in the cleft of his chest, quickly turning the stark white of his shirt crimson. She watched it overflowed to his stomach, the light from the metal halide making the blood even more sickening. _He's bleeding…like a human!_ _He's never bled like this before._ Uncaring of the cold January night, she tore off her sweatshirt. "Katie, get Willow," she said, her eyes riveted on him.

Katie shook her head in disbelief. She had just stabbed a man. She rushed to explain as if it could make her actions better. "Mom, he's been stalking you, I've seen him. He was going to…"

Buffy jerked her up to see Katie's pleading, frightened, childlike eyes. Buffy remembered far too well how Katie felt. She needed to make this right, not only for Angel but for Katie as well. It was a hell of a way to start a relationship as important as she hoped theirs would be. But it would never happen if Angel wasn't around in the first place. This time, Angel had to come first. "Baby, you have to trust me. We have to save this vampire. Go…"

Katie's incomprehension deepened the lines in her brow. "He is a vampire? Why…"

"Not now. Just go get your Aunt Willow."

"But…"

"GO. NOW!" Buffy shoved Katie on her way, knowing the task would distract her from thinking how close she came to manslaughter. Buffy gave her attention back to the body in front of her. _Where was I? Okay, cover wound, apply pressure._ She bunched her sweatshirt around the cleat and pressed around it. _Why is he still unconscious?_ The question added to her distress. With his vampiric restorative power, he should have awaken by now, should have been able to tell her what she should do to help him. He had been wounded far worse in the past. Yet, there he lay. The only reason she knew he wasn't gone was that she felt his body beside her. "Angel, hold on, please. For me," she commanded. “For Katie.”

Buffy continued to talk nervously into the night. "Where's your room key?" She thought for a moment, then reached gingerly into his inside coat pocket. . She smiled that she found it on the first try. "Ah, not too far. Okay, just a little while longer. Please Angel, if you ever loved me, hold on. If not for me, for Katie. Please I have to tell you about Katie. I know you'll want to know her. You  _ have _ to want to know her,” mumbled Buffy, tears threatening, but at bay for the moment.

Buffy couldn’t help but look at the cleat in front of her, three inches deep in Angel’s chest.  _ Oh, Katie, what a Slayer you will make. And as I live and breathe, you will have an easier time than I did. Although this is certainly an auspicious beginning. Damn it, why is he still bleeding? _

"Buffy, what's going on?" Willow rushed forward, Katie in tow. "Angel?" she said in awe.

"Willow, please, I've never seen him bleed like this," panicked Buffy. "Do something, save him. Please, he can't die. I can't lose him again."

Katie stood by the railing, arms wrapped around herself, her fear amplified at never having seen her mother so scared and helpless. And the knowledge it was because she didn’t do what she had been told. It was her fault.  _ But I know I saw a vampire. _

"Okay, Buffy, you need to move," said Willow in a calm, but commanding voice. Years of emergency medical experience took over. Willow knelt down beside them, leaning over Angel's chest. After a moment, she spoke, still examining him. "We need to get him out of here, before someone finds us. And that cleat has to stay stationary until I can get my bag. I can't believe he'd do any better than we would in this situation. So, since you and Katie can't sling him over your shoulders, and I don’t want to levitate him…"

"You don't want to do what?" squeaked Katie finding her voice in spite of the situation at the incredulous notion.

"Quiet," Buffy ordered. "We don't have to go far. His room is just down the hall," Buffy said to her best friend.

"I think I saw a kitchen dolly on the way here." Willow ran back into the corridor.

In the silence of the night, the deck squeaked as Katie dared to kneel beside her mother. "You're going to explain this to me later, right?"  _ 'Cause this is a little like finding out the world is flat. _

Buffy looked at Katie, her hands pressed firmly to Angel's chest. "Shhhh, it'll be okay," she said, more to reassure herself than Katie. "We'll have quite a bit to talk about. But now's not the time or place. Just do what you're told and don't question me. It uses up valuable time." Turning toward the corridor she demanded impatiently, "Come on, Will."

With a clang of ceramic, Willow came through the double doors. "Got it. Katie, help me clear this off."

Buffy stroked Angel’s now smooth brow. She leaned closer. “Angel, we're going to get back to your room, you'll be alright. I'm here, it's Buffy."

"You ready, Buffy?" Willow whispered behind her. "Ok, gently. You'll get his shoulders. Katie, you get his legs." They moved into position not questioning Willow's direction as she kept the cleat steady, supporting Angel's back. "No, grab him from the knees, Katie. We have to go together. Ready."

Buffy nodded. Katie said, “Go for it."

"On three. One, two…" Angel let out a groan as they lifted him onto the table.

"Careful, careful, Katie, just let his legs go over the side," directed Willow, straining to keep Angel steady. "Gently…now bunch up the table cloth…that's it, at his knees and wrists. Let's not leave a trail."

“Ok, make sure the coast is clear,” said Buffy. She handed the key to Katie, who trotted off.

"Buffy…" Willow prompted.

"I'll watch where we're going. You just keep the pressure on. I'm ready."

"Here goes." And they moved down the hall.


	15. Chapter 15

It seemed to take hours to reach Angel's stateroom. Angel groaned when they jostled the cart over the door frame and again when Katie and Buffy moved him off the cart.

"Hold it." Willow rushed into the bathroom.

“Willow!” Buffy exclaimed. Even with their combined strength, it was difficult to hold a man as large as Angel steady. It cut her to the quick every time they moved and hurt him.

The witch rushed back into the room with the bath mat and a towel. "Not the bed." Willow pointed to the floor beside the bed where she laid out the linen. "I need him there. And we can get rid of these a whole lot easier than we can explain a bloody carpet." After they laid Angel down carefully, Willow moved away. "Here, Buffy, hold the compress. I'll be right back."

Buffy settled herself next to Angel, pressure still applied. Katie backed into the doorway to stare. The eerie silence driving her insane, she figured it was better to get the inevitable conversation over and done with. “Mom,” began Katie.

Buffy looked up, startled to see another person standing there. She forced a weary smile, though her eyes held other emotions. “This is still not the time. I need to concentrate on him. I need to know he's going to live. Please and I’ll answer all your questions later," she said for the third time.

Had Buffy not been so tired, Katie would have never seen the fear in her mother's eyes. The same kind she saw briefly when she broke her arm five years ago when she fell off the jungle gym. And the near-miss fender bender Kevin was in a few weeks ago. The kind she saw in Jeff's eyes for his sons' mother.  _ Who was this…this…this vampire?  _ Katie was shocked that her mother would feel that way about someone Katie had never seen before yesterday.

Sensing her mom needed her strength more than the other way around, Katie moved toward the bathroom. “I’ll get a fresh towel.”

Returning, Katie handed her one towel and held another. Buffy gently unwound her sweatshirt. "Good, he’s bleeding less." Buffy handed the sweatshirt to Katie.

“I’ll rinse this out…”

Just then, Willow rushed in with her medical bag, pushing Katie out of the way. Buffy sat at attention. “Will, tell me what I need to do.”

“Just hold him down," Willow opened her bag. She rummaged around. "I don't think I have any thing that will keep him sedated. I suspect he’s gonna twitch and I don’t relish getting knocked across the room.”

“Then I'll get his feet, Aunt Willow,” Katie offered, needing to help fix her deadly mistake.

"Actually, I think we need to restrain him. This is going to take a while and I don't know what he's going to react to. Especially when I get to the astral plane."

Buffy's eyes suddenly held even more concern and fear. "Is that necessary?"

"Something else is going on here if he's bleeding more than he should. I figure with the fights you two have been through, you'd know." Willow continued to pull item after item out of her bag. She laid out her instruments in an orderly fashion on the floor away from Angel. "So I'm gonna listen to you. It's a big part of why I have the best survival rate of all ER doctors."

_ Mom fought against him? Or fought with him? Willow knows him too? Knows they know each other?  _ A million questions filled her mind. One finally made it through the din. “Wait a minute, what plane?" Katie inquired, shaking her head.

"The astral plane. It's hard to describe if you've never been there. It's sort of a different consciousness. It’s the spiritual plane."

Buffy added. "You remember what we were talking about at breakfast this morning?" When Katie looked at her quizzically, she continued explaining. "We talked about how Native American legend says the soul needs time to return from travel?"

When Katie nodded, Willow continued, pulling on gloves. "Where they travel to is the astral plane. You've heard of out-of-body experiences?" Katie nodded again silently. "I can control mine. Make sense?"

"No. I gotta see this," Katie responded skeptically. Since being called six weeks ago, Katie'd heard so many unbelievable things. Her mother, the Slayer. Her aunt, the witch. Her poppy, the watcher. That they could do so many things blew her mind.

"Actually there's not much for us to see 'down' here," said Buffy. "A ring of light will surround Willow, she'll conk out in a trance, and then she'll come out of it. Sometimes she thrashes about. Come to think of it, you got a mean left hook." Buffy was beginning to recover enough to employ her trademark humor to defuse tension. It was comforting to Katie that at least something was normal again.

"Thanks," said Willow, proud of such a high complement.

"I know from experience. One I don't want to repeat. I've had a tough enough night. So will you." Turning, she saw her daughter processing all this new information. Buffy wished she could give her the time she needed, but Angel had to come first in this situation. She needed Katie's help. "Go back to our stateroom. In my suitcase, in the hidden compartment, you'll find a pair of handcuffs and some leather bands. Bring them to me. Don't forget the keys for the handcuffs."

"MOM!!"

"A Slayer never knows what she's going to need. The Girl Scouts got the motto from us." Katie left shaking her head. Buffy and Willow turned their attention back to the matter at hand.

Willow sat back on her knees and assessed the situation. "Alrighty then. I think it's good Katie hasn't started training in earnest or she might have known to hold onto that stake. It's not such a bad thing it's wedged in there firmly. Okay, just how much blood has he lost?"

"I dunno, Will. It looks like he's finally starting to heal, but I still think he lost a lot before we got him here. Katie put my sweatshirt in the sink, but she didn't have a chance to wash it out."

"Actually, I was talking to myself, but I'll have a look at it, anyway. Have a peek around. See where his stash is," said Willow as she disappeared into the bathroom.

Buffy headed to the closet. "A-ha, I'm good. Got it, Will," yelled Buffy hauling a humming three foot by three foot box out to the middle of the floor.

Willow walked out of the bathroom looking grim. "Buffy, how much extra do you think he brought?"

"Ah, got me? Angel was always so sensitive about feeding in front of anyone."

"What about when he got back from hell?" Willow said bluntly. There wasn't time for delicacies.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Willow, I can't remember the grocery list these days. That was thirty years ago. And I don't think that was typical. He was recovering. It took a long time and he was always hungry. I can't even remember how much I brought him. So bottom line is I have no idea of what's normal. Why?"

"You were right. For a body that ain't pumping blood, he lost a lot of it. He's gonna lose more when that cleat comes out. I'm not really sure what the consequences are going to be if he goes dry. I mean, he's already dead, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Dust?" Buffy's eyes pleaded with Willow. "I don't really want to find out."

"Right. Me neither," said Willow as she started digging in her bag again. "I can't check vitals, so we're going to have to wing this," she said, pulling out a long tube and an IV needle.

"Will, you're thinking what I'm thinking, aren't you?"

Willow let out a sigh as her eyes met Buffy's. "Yeah. Do me a favor and get me a clean hand towel. "

Willow gently placed Angel's left arm above his head, moving his chest as little as possible. She tore the plastic cover from the tube as Buffy handed Willow the towel. She rolled it up and placed it under Angel's neck, tilting his head back.

Buffy sat on the bed above Angel. "Well, at least this time, I don't have to force him." Buffy looked down to see the tube disappearing into Angel's nose. "WHAT are you doing?"

"I’m going to feed it to him. I know he can ingest blood,” said the witch, intent on her work, “but I can't do a direct transfusion because he's got no blood pressure.” She stopped for a moment to look at Buffy, quizzically. “But he’s gotta have some way to move the blood around his system, cause if he didn’t, he’d wouldn’t be able to, well, you know,” she said pointedly as if Buffy had the foggiest notion of what she was saying, “and we all know that he can,” said Willow rolling her eyes, “cause ‘Grr!’ and Angelus, but this isn’t a happy thing so I think we’re safe…”

“WILLOW!!!!” Buffy just about yelled, making Willow jump. Buffy stared hard at Willow, then at Angel.

“Oh! Right. Tangent. Sorry," she squeaked. Refocusing, Willow finished inserting the tube. "There. You sure this is okay?" Willow shrugged her shoulder at the look Buffy gave her. "Ok, okay, lay down."

Willow sat next to Buffy, wrapped the elastic band around her arm and tested for a vein. She tore open the IV, alcoholled Buffy's arm and inserted the needle. Buffy winced. "When was the last time you did one of these?"

"Last week, so quit your whining," said Willow as she connected the tube to the IV. She opened the juncture. Blood began to flow, gravity taking it toward Angel. "How ya doing?" she said as she looked at Buffy.

"I'd be a lot better if I knew why there was a ten inch thing sticking out of my boss?" came from a calm but deadly male voice behind her. Before she knew it, Willow was pulled to her feet in a headlock. Buffy scrambled to keep from bouncing off the bed. "Come to think of it, who are you?" the tall, blond man asked sternly. Willow gasped for air, clawing at her attacker’s arm.

"Let's just calm down here," said Buffy, in her best mother-knows-best voice. "Young man, it's obvious you care for Angel, so you need to take a chance and trust us. You need to give Willow some air, so she can stop kicking the bed and make sure there are no bubbles in this transfusion."

Keith looked over the red head's shoulder in amazement. Sure enough, red spurts were making their way from the blond woman’s arm to Angel's nose. Warily, Keith relaxed his grip, but didn't let her go. Willow stopped squirming as she took deep breaths.

"Good. Now, it's a…" Buffy thought for a moment, snapped her fingers nervously, "Keith. Right?"

Keith instinctively tightened his grip. "How do you know my name?"

"Angel told me,” she said, trying to sound more confident than she was. “Listen, take a good look at this situation. If we were trying to hurt Angel, would I be feeding him?"

"You know about Angel?" asked Keith, dumbfounded. The whole situation was unsettling. Hells, the whole evening was unsettling. First, Katie abruptly left, now this. Although, one didn't compare to the other. Keith re-evaluated. Angel taught him that things were seldom as they seemed. Other than yanking the stick out of him, Keith didn't have much else to help Angel at his disposal. Certainly nothing to replace the blood that was laying all over the floor now that he looked at it, until Angel regained consciousness. These women appeared to be taking better care of Angel than he could under the circumstances, even with his training. Although he didn’t know how much these women had to do with putting him in this situation, which was enough to make him wary all over again. Still there was something vaguely familiar about the blond. Plus he couldn't think of a way they would know him, other than Angel. The evidence in their favor, Keith let Willow go against his developed survival instincts. She gave him a dirty look and checked Buffy's IV.

Buffy continued. "Yes, Angel and I go back a long way. We lost touch, but we bumped into each other tonight. By the way, my name's Buffy Summers. This is Dr. Willow Rosenberg." Buffy directed at Willow. "How much longer?"

"A couple of minutes more I think."

"What happened?" Keith demanded. Regardless of how well they seemed to know Angel, he didn't like the situation one bit.

"My overprotective daughter thought Angel was stalking me. So she staked him to protect dear old mom."

Willow spoke before Keith could react. "Well, she WAS right. Hold still," said Willow as she released the elastic. "He's had a habit of doing that to you. Hey, would you know if Angel has any extra blood here?" she asked Keith.

Keith was still rooted to the floor.  _ Who are these two middle-aged women in his bedroom and how do they know Angel as well as I do? And who was this daughter who could take out Angel? Where was she now? Was she still a threat? _

Willow snapped her fingers in front of Keith's face. "Hey, listen, I know this looks really weird, but he doesn't have time to spare." Willow removed the IV from Buffy's arm. "Have we got some blood or are you next?"

With supreme effort, Keith went to the portable in the middle of the room. Checking Angel's supply, he replied "There're two days in here."

"That's it? How's he going to make it to the end of the cruise?"

"Hold on, let me check the other two," as Keith headed to the bathroom.

"Other two?" Buffy and Willow said in unison.

"Yeah, they only hold five days each," he shouted.

"How much is that?" asked Buffy.

"About five gallons," yelled Keith.

"Oh, string me up and paint me purple," sighed Willow heavily.

"What?" said Buffy.

"Ten pints a day." Buffy looked at her perplexed. "The same amount of blood in an average adult human. I’m a physician, who's been fighting vampires for thirty plus years. You would’ve thought I would have figured that out by now."

Keith came back with a packet of blood. "No problem. We've got three extra days here."

"Good." Willow gestured to Keith. "Sit down in the chair. I don't have anything to hang this on, so you're gonna have to hold it."

"I can…" started Buffy.

"…stay right there," finished Willow, connecting the juncture to the bag Keith held. "You just gave more blood than you should have and I don't have anything to prop you up with yet. I don't need you goin' down too."

Just then, Katie flew into the room. "Ok, I got'em. Took me long enough to find the latch, but…" Katie stopped cold when Keith looked up at her. "Keith?"

"Katie?" said Keith, wonder in his eyes.

Buffy looked from one to the other. "Angel also mentioned you knew each other."

"Mom?"

"This is your MOTHER?" Suddenly Keith was too uncomfortable for words.

"You know, under other circumstances, this situation would make Moliere jealous, but can we please concentrate on Angel? Please?" whined Willow. "Give me the handcuffs…" Katie tossed them to Willow. "Sorry to make you go-fer, but I need something to keep me going. Some juice and maybe a sandwich. Make that two, I don't need your mother passing out either. Would you?"

"Why would she pass out?"

"Food now, questions later," said Willow authoritatively.

Katie headed for the door. "Katie?" She looked at her mother holding cotton to her arm. "I promise I'll explain everything later," Buffy reassured her daughter. Katie smiled back as she left. But that smile fell as she saw the stunned, worried look on Keith's face.

However, Keith wasn't looking at Katie. "What are the handcuffs for?" Keith said, almost afraid to ask.

"Removing this thing is going to hurt. I can't sedate him, so I have to restrain him. He's liable to sock the stuffing out of me, even in this weakened state." She cuffed a hand to bedpost. She attached the other to the desk beside the bed. "Now, what was your name again?"

"Keith."

"Ok, Keith, keep an eye on him and the desk. It really won't keep him from moving. It'll slow him down a bit, but if he's anywhere as powerful as he used to be, he'll take the desk with him." Willow sat to Angel's right side and started to undress him carefully.

"First the anatomy lesson, now this? If this wasn't so serious, I'd say you’ve been lusting after on my boyfriend!" said Buffy.

"Huh?" Willow was completely distracted, but Keith's interest was certainly piqued by Buffy's comment.  _ Her boyfriend? _

"Never mind. Lack of blood to the brain. Ignore me." Buffy watched as Willow carefully cut away Angel's shirt from the cleat. The wound still wept slightly, but nothing like it had been.

Willow examined it again, checking the position of the cleat. "Change of plans. I think I'm going to check his astral first, give him some time to stabilize."

"You're going to do what?" Keith said just as shocked as Katie had been.

"You explain," Willow directed. "But in ten minutes."

"What?" piped Keith.

"Here, take this," said Buffy, handing a pillow to Willow.

"Thanks." Willow placed the pillow at the edge of the room, so she would lay perpendicular to the bed and Angel.

"She needs quiet to go into a trance. About ten minutes. Then we can talk all we want," Buffy continued.

Willow lay down and closed her eyes. For the next twenty minutes, the room was eerily silent and tense. The bed squeaked loudly through the room as Keith reached to swap out a new bag.

“You think he needs another one?”

"You know how to change that?" asked Buffy.

"Yeah, I was an EMT in the states. I haven't done much in the last few years, but it's like riding a bike."

"You don't forget," finished Buffy. Try as she might, she had never been able to completely forget Angel. Hadn't wanted to. With her heart racing with fear, her mind sought to distract her, just like it had Katie. "Uh, yeah, he’s lost a lot. Er, um, I want to thank you. This can't be easy."

"Well, like I said…"

"No, I meant coming back to your room and finding two strange women operating on your roommate."

Keith's nervous laugh belied his worry. "Yeah, it's not one I've encountered before," he said wryly.

Suddenly, Willow jumped. At the same time, Angel moaned and jerked at the night table. The cleat swayed awkwardly in his chest. Buffy jumped to steady it. "I'll get that." Buffy leaned off the bed onto her knees, her hands gently cupped around the cleat near the top.

"You sure you're up to it?" Keith knew how light-headed people could be after giving blood. Buffy's intentions might be good, but she could cause more damage if she pulled the cleat the wrong way.

"I'm doing better. But I'm still not standing. That'll keep Will happy."

"So what exactly is going on…" But before Keith could answer, he heard the suite door open.

Katie came in quickly, bearing a medium sized bag and three juice containers. "Sorry it took so long. Figured I should clean up the deck first, since we were worried about a trail and all. Then I could only get food at the bar." She could feel Keith’s eyes follow her as she set the bag down near the TV, the only horizontal surface she could get to without stepping over anyone. She opened the juice container. "I know I'm not supposed to be there, but I figured I can't screw up any worse than I already have tonight," she said, handing it to her mother. "Here."

"Cleaning up was smart thinking. Thanks," Buffy accepted the cup, keeping one hand open next to the stake. Should Angel move again, the cleat would hit her hand, minimizing its movement.

"I got an extra. Would you like it?" Katie asked Keith shyly, without making eye contact. Waiting for the food gave her a lot of time to think…and pray. She started shaking every time she thought how closely she'd come to killing someone. Someone her mother cared for. Someone Keith cared for, because this was obviously Keith’s room which meant the guy on the floor was Keith’s boss. If this is what it meant to be a Slayer, Katie wanted to do nothing more than crawl into her and hide from the world. Since she couldn't, she thought the only thing to do was be as nice as possible.

"Thanks," Keith grunted. Keith hadn't thought much about Katie after entering the stateroom. Before then, she dominated his night. She had been so beautiful. He couldn't remember anything they talked about, but somehow knew they'd had a good conversation. He was perplexed when she abruptly left the ballroom, but thought she had realized the time and how late she tarried. He planned to tell Angel all about it, but he looked so engrossed in his thoughts out on the deck. Instead, Keith went for a walk around the ship, knowing he could talk to Angel later. Except he couldn't because someone tried to kill him. Keith took a sharp breath. Buffy said her daughter had staked him.  _ Katie was the one who tried to kill Angel.  _ It overloaded his brain.

Awkward silence again filled the room. There was so much to say, but all three avoided the efforts of conversation. Katie slid down the wall to a crouch. All three stared. Buffy at the stake in Angel's heart. Katie at the rise and fall of Willow's chest. Keith at the IV he held.

Thirty minutes later, Willow blinked her eyes open.

"Well?" Buffy inquired immediately.

"Well, it's a mess," said Willow sitting up. "Katie, what'd you get me?"

Instantly, Katie reached into a bag. "Turkey with provolone, lettuce, mayo on both sides with a hit of mustard." She handed her the sandwich.

Willow accepted. "On rye no less. Good girl." Willow had no idea how much Katie needed the minuscule bit of reassurance that she could still do something right.

"Will…" Buffy's eyes pleaded for her diagnosis.

"It's a mess but I'm pretty sure I can fix it." Willow explained as she ate the sandwich. "It's gonna be tricky, but I'm pretty sure I can fix it," she repeated.

"Pretty sure?" Buffy squeaked.

"I'd like you to be sure sure," chimed Keith.

"Well, pretty sure is going to have to do," said Willow indignantly. "Unless I’m mistaken, none of you are going to do any better. And I'm only pretty sure 'cause I've never done this before.

"Will, you aren't instilling the most confidence here. What's going on?"

"It's difficult to explain if you've never traveled on the astral plane. Have you?" Willow asked Keith.

He shook his head. "Hell, I'm still waiting to find out what that is."

"I thought you were going to explain it. Never mind. Like I said earlier, it's the place where the soul resides. Except Angel's got two."

"Two?" asked Buffy.

"Well sort of. He has his human soul restored by his curse, but he also has the demon spirit. The catch is they're both anchored to his body at the heart. I finally know how staking works. Although I still don't know why wood kills, cause this fiberglass has definitely done some damage."

"Can you explain a bit more? I’m lost," said Keith.

"Sure. Katie, have you got anything to drink? Thanks," said Willow, taking the orange juice immediately offered. "Okay, in a normal, healthy human being, the soul is anchored to the body with an astral umbilical cord. Most people never use the cord, because their souls never separate from their bodies. Some people dream walk or have out-of-body experiences. However with skill and practice, it is possible to go into a trance and consciously control where your soul goes."

"Oh, like you were telling me about," said Katie, beginning to understand.

"Exactly. Except Angel's human soul is anchored at his heart, not his belly button like it should be."

"Wait," said Keith. "Shouldn't be at the heart?”

"That would make sense," Willow answered. "I dunno why, but it isn’t. It's supposed to be the belly button. Anyway, the demon spirit is also attached at the heart. And let me tell you, they don't like each other. Right now, they're both pinned under that stake."

"Huh?" Keith was completely lost.

"It's strange, I know, don't worry about it. Sometimes things from the physical plain affect the astral and visa versa. The point is I don’t have to know why, I just have to know what, so I can figure out how to fix it. Now, I learned about a technique while we were in Britain that I think will work here. I'm going to try to remove that stake from the astral plain. I'm think I want to contain him though just for safe measure.”

“Contain him?” asked Keith, wanting to know exactly what this doctor was going to do to Angel. She sure wasn’t talking like any doctor he’d ever met.

“I’m going to put a shield around him. It’ll keep anything from drifting away.”

“You mean like blood?”

“No, I meant either of his spirits,” said Willow absently as she arranged her instruments for the procedure.

The fear in Buffy's eyes escalated. "No, please tell me there's another way, I just found him again."

Willow looked up, surprised at her friend’s alarm. "Hey, it’s just a precaution. Would I go to the trouble to do this if I thought Angelus would be back as soon as he woke up? It'd be easier and safer to grab a real stake.

"Nobody is staking Angel," Keith said vehemently, starting to question his decision to let these women care for Angel.

"People, I've been a witch for thirty years and a physician for twenty-three. I think I can handle this."

"So handle it," said Buffy.

"Hey, calm down. I need to think this through. I'm not opening anyone up physically or spiritually until I know exactly what I'm going to do to him and why. And since I don’t have Giles to bounce this off of, you get to listen. No, don't give him another." Willow took the second empty bag from Keith. She closed the juncture to the bag and watched the last of the blood disappear. She gently extracted the feeding tube, blood dribbling at Angel's nostril as the last of it was removed. "Keith, take this," handing over the dirty tube. Willow cleaned up Angel with the towel that had propped up his neck. Next, she moved to release the handcuffs.

"Is that a smart idea?" asked Buffy.

"I have to be able to contain him. It's going to be tough enough without enclosing the table too. But believe me, he's not getting out."

Buffy’s concern escalated again when Angel winced but stayed unconscious as Willow moved his arm back to his side. “He’s been out a long time,” said Buffy. Keith was thinking the same thing.

"Yeah, and I’m thankful for it. This has got to hurt. It’s probably the only way Angel can deal with the pain,” said Willow, making sure any objects were far away from Angel. “Ok, this is going to take a lot of power, so I need you all to help me." Willow sat back down to her trance position and gestured. "Katie, Buffy, on either side of me. Keith, you're at my feet. We're going to hold hands, and I'm going to draw from you. Get really comfortable because you're going to be here a while and you're not going to be able to let go. Keith, find something to lean against."

"I'll be fine."

"No you won't. This could take hours, so pull over that chair. If you gotta pee, do that too."

Buffy stood up. "Good point, be right back."

Willow gave Angel a final once over and settled down in her spot. Silently Katie and Keith took their places. After a moment, Buffy joined them. "Okay, everyone ready?" Willow asked. "Here goes nothing." Willow lay down and closed her eyes.

Soon everyone was joining her. It was late, they were exhausted and it had been an eventful night. It was so easy to close their eyes, just for a moment. One by one, they all fell to sleep.

Abruptly, the trio was jolted from uneasy slumber. Katie felt a pulse rip through one hand, up her arm, across her shoulders and out her other arm to Keith. It continued to tingle through her like a wave. "Did you feel that?"

"Yeah," answered Keith, awed. "What was that?"

"Look," said Buffy, gesturing toward Angel with Katie's hand in hers.

An oval ring of white light circled the floor around Angel. From that, they saw a pink beam shimmer up one side of Angel’s body. An identical beam of blue ran up the other. They ran the length of his body and slowly grew vertically. Soon they curved over him, the pink straining to meet the blue. They met over his feet and head, the seam following up his body like a zipper, until it encircled the cleat, four inches below the tip.

Willow grunted. Her face screwed up like she was lifting a heavy object. She squeezed Buffy and Katie's hands. All three felt the tingle surge as they watched the light 'case' rise. Slowly, it rose until it was three inches above the cleat. Willow sighed as the trio watched the case close. The 'zipper' was complete. The blue and pink lights interwove over Angel's body, the case becoming opaque. When the weave was complete, Willow took a deep breath and squeezed. Another surge went through them as they watched the case begin to pulse. Willow let out a breath and relaxed. The tingling stopped, but the case continued to glow.

"Whoa…" said Keith. "I've seen some pretty amazing stuff, but this…"

"That's our Willow. She's pretty powerful," said Buffy proudly. "This is the first time I've actually seen something down here. It's really intere-…"

"Damn!" Willow muttered. "Don't even try that shit with me, buster." She released Buffy and Katie, but slapped a hand toward Buffy. Buffy got her forearm just in time to block the slap.

"What's that all about?" asked Katie.

"Got me…she'll sometimes talk. Mutter, curse, throw punches. I think she's as much of a Slayer up there as I am down here. Hey what was that?" Buffy looked toward Angel. The casket began to shimmer a bit more brightly. They heard a metallic ping and a clatter. The pink light elevated briefly above the blue. Willow's right hand began to twitch. Then Willow fell silent.

Keith, Buffy, and Katie continued to watch Willow. They tried to stay alert for any more changes, but the events of night took their toll. One by one, they drifted off again.

Sometime later, Willow woke to find not one, but four bodies out cold. She stood, careful not to wake them. The magical case she placed around Angel had long since dissipated. She picked up the offending cleat from beside Angel. Dried blood covered his chest and side, but the wound no longer bled. Taking a flashlight from her bag, she thought about the best way to close the wound.

"I can hold that."

Willow gave a tiny yelp at the sound of Keith's voice. "Don't do that!" she hissed.

"Sorry," he said, taking the flashlight. He watched her change gloves. "But I don't think you can suture and hold the light."

"At least not very well. Jeez, you scared me," she said, threading a needle. "Not that I'm not glad of the help, but I thought I was quiet."

"You were. I'm just used to intercepting quiet runaways." He cocked his head toward Buffy and Katie. "They're still asleep."

"So should you. I sucked a lot of energy from you three." Willow began to suture Angel's heart.

"I'll live. How's Angel?"

"In the home stretch. He'll be better once I get this closed. He heals fast."

"It looks deep," said the still concerned young man.

"It is," said Willow. She clipped the thread and began again. "He's gonna hurt inside and out. Hopefully he'll help the process by not wanting to move. I just wish I had something to give him for the pain."

"I've got something."

"For vampires?" Willow looked up as she finished his heart. She changed gloves to begin the inner layer of muscle.

Keith nodded. "Unfortunately, we have to wait until he's conscious. It's in pill form."

"Maybe not. How much blood did he take before?"

"Gave him two bags."

"Plus Buffy,” Willow nodded, intent on her work. “That's enough for now. Guess he's just gonna have to live with the pain for a while."

"Wouldn't be the first time." Willow looked up in question. Keith explained. "He doesn't like taking the stuff, knocks him out. But every now and again, something gets him good."

Willow changed gloves a third time. "Good. We should get some of that in him as soon as we can. Hand me those butterfly tabs. You know, he's got a real masochist streak in him."

"Don’t he just?" Keith shook his head. "So you're sure he's gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. Now he just needs rest and time. Good thing he's on a cruise. There. Hand me that bandage." Willow taped an eight inch square gauze patch on Angel's chest. "Let's get them up, so we can move Angel to the bed. He'll be more comfortable there."

Willow walked over to nudge her best friend, as Keith closed the blinds to the suite. The night was just beginning to lighten slightly. "Buffy?"

"Yeah, I'm here,” she jolted awake. “Sorry. How is he?"

"Well, take a look" Buffy rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked toward Angel. The light had disappeared and the cleat lay on the floor next to Angel. "Whoa…it doesn’t look like he bled anymore."

"No," said Willow as she placed her hands gently on the young woman. "Hey Katy-did, wake up….” She murmured and stretched as the witch continued her explanation. “I stopped the bleeding on the astral. I didn't think I could do that. But this new technique worked like a charm. Got back to consciousness and stitched him up, lickety-split. Keith held the light. Okay, last thing, let's move him out of the light path." With Willow directing, the trio lifted Angel to the bed.

"So what do I need to do for him?" asked Keith.

Willow collected her supplies. "Clean him up a bit. It’ll make him uncomfortable, but leave the bandage in place. I’ll come by later to check on him and we can clean it up then. But more importantly, let him sleep. And keep him in bed. Like I told you, he's had major surgery, so he's gonna be hurting. The longer we can let him sleep the better. But he's out of danger now. He'll actually be in better shape than he was."

"How?" asked Katie. She was anxious to hear any news that would ease her mind.

"We always kidded he was broody boy, but now that I see how he was put together, I can only imagine the constant pain he must have been in. Not just because the curse gave him back his human soul, but the way it was done." Willow continued her explanation as she packed up her bag. "Human soul and demon spirit always fighting for control. And not being attached right. I knew he was strong, but…to endure this? This just proves to me I never want to get on the wrong side of a gypsy. Anyway, it's back where it's supposed to be. Hopefully, he won't have as much pain once he heals from the actual surgery," she said, wrapping the instruments she used on Angel in gauze to be cleaned later. “It’s kinda like resetting a bone that never healed right.”

"He's still a vampire?" Unspoken hope flared in Buffy’s face.

Willow smiled ruefully. "Unfortunately yes. That demon is a son-of-a-bitch. It's not vacating anytime soon. But his soul will be stronger for being in its own place, where it belongs." Willow stood and stretched. "Well, I've done all I can for now. Buffy, you have first watch. Keith, Katie, you're with me. If anything happens, Buffy, call me. Keith’ll be back in an hour."

Keith was about to protest, but shut his mouth tight at the look on Willow's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything I learned about astral projection I owe to Katherine Kerr and her most excellent Dweomer masters Nevyn and Jill of Deverry. 
> 
> And I have to admit I have quoted my namesake Sionell for the best line of the chapter, cribbed from the book "Dragon Token" by Melanie Rawn because it was just the right line to use. Except she threatened to string her son Meig up and paint him purple if he slid down the banister. Of course you know he did that very thing. When the 5 year old landed, she swatted him on the rumpus. It has been one of my favorite quotes ever since reading it 22 years ago. I use it whenever I can. You should too.


	16. Chapter 16

Katie followed Keith who followed Willow back to her room. Her godmother opened the door and gestured for the pair to follow. "Have a seat," she said pointedly. They chose opposite sides of the room, as far as one could get from the other. Willow rummaged in a drawer for clean clothes and ducked into the bathroom. Keith and Katie stared at everything but each other while they waited. The crisis had passed, but they hadn’t had a chance to process anything. So they avoided.

Five minutes later, the shower stopped. Willow stepped out wearing a T-shirt and scrubs. She grabbed a rolled-up pair of fluffy white socks and sat down across from Katie. She looked hard at her goddaughter. "Now, what happened?"

Katie took a deep breath. She'd rehearsed this many times over the past hours. She knew this wasn't going to be the first or the hardest time she'd tell it. "I was on my way back to our room and wound up in the elevator with the guy. The one that kept showing up? You know how the walls are that shiny bronze? Well he didn't have a reflection. So I told Mom and she went after him. Only she didn't come back. So I followed her. I guess I went on autopilot, when I saw him close to her…”

"What? You attack every guy who gets close to your mother?" Keith said angrily. He didn’t want to believe it, but she just confessed, so he couldn’t avoid the conclusion any longer. The girl who he was so nuts about almost killed the most important person in the world to him.

"Only stalkers with…" Katie started, getting defensive. She had done what she did with good reason.

Keith cut her off. "Stalker? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Since last night, every time I turned around, he was there, watching my mother.” she spat back, defensively. “Then he'd disappear. I'd define that as stalking."

Keith remained unconvinced. "That still doesn't make sense. If he…"

"Hey my mother spends a lot of time sticking stakes into guys with overbites like he was sporting, okay?" said Katie with increasing vehemence.

"Now wait a minute. You trying to tell me he was in game face? No way." Keith shook his head in disbelief. "I've known Angel for ten years and I can count on two hands the number of times he's pulled it out and this just isn't the kind of situation for it."

"Look, I know what I saw. And I'm telling you that my mother doesn't make a habit of getting that close to vampires…"

"Unless the vampire happens to be Angel," Willow interjected quietly, putting an end to their escalating argument. As it had so many times this night, silence filled the room. Katie and Keith looked at Willow dumbfounded. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Now the situation is starting to make sense. Buffy must have found Angel on deck. You'd think after being apart for so long, they'd lose some of the angst. Instead they make up for it in spades." Willow rolled her eyes. "We won't know for sure until we talk to them, but I'd lay money on the fact that he was kissing her, not attacking her."

"In game face?" asked Keith incredulously.

"Oh, let me tell you,” Willow chuckled in spite of herself, “this wouldn't be the first time Angel lost control around Buffy. I’m just glad it was only his game face." When Keith started to question her again, Willow held up her hand. "Ok, I'll give you the reader's digest version of Buffy and Angel. Anything else, they'll have to tell you themselves.” Willow threw the socks between her hands as she gathered her thoughts. “Angel met Buffy when she was sixteen. About the same age you are now, Katie.”

“You’re sixteen!” Keith croaked.

“Almost,” Katie said meekly. She'd forgotten about the assumptions she'd let him believe up until now. Her goose was cooked. She changed the subject. “You were saying, Mom met Angel in what? The late 1990’s?”

From the way Katie was prompting her, Willow gathered that she was avoiding something. Then she remembered the whole dress incident.  _ My, my, the way things work out,  _ thought Willow.  _ No wonder Buffy knew who Keith was. _ “Right. Anyway, Angel’d flit in and out of her life, popping in just long enough to give her just enough information to get in the middle of some crisis. The chemistry between the two of them was palpable. Even when she found out what he was, it didn't lessen what they felt for each other. Over the course of a year, they fell in love." Willow unrolled the socks and put them on. She continued wistfully, lost in the memories, her voice getting softer. "What they had was amazing. You could FEEL it. It was so intense, so strong. They completed each other like no one I've ever known. Vampire and Slayer…"

"Slayer?" asked Keith. "Buffy's the Vampire Slayer?"

"Yes. And so's Katie." Willow nodded her head toward Katie.

Keith shook his head, overwhelmed at conflicting thoughts. It made sense now, why Katie was so fast, why she was able to take Angel down…Angel. He couldn’t do anything to help him, so Keith fought to focus on the issue at hand. "Now wait a minute, I thought there was only one Slayer. How can there be…"

"Two Slayers? That's a whole other story, but suffice it to say, Buffy is out of the Slayer loop because she technically died. CPR is a wonderful thing."

"How could Mom fall in love with a vampire?" asked Katie still stuck a couple of facts back. "First off, Mom doesn't date. And second, she’s supposed to kill them. It's her calling. It's my calling."

"Angel's a very unusual vampire." Willow looked at Keith. "You know about the curse?"

Keith nodded, divulging what he already assumed she knew. "About the turn of the twentieth century, Angel told me he'd made the mistake of feeding on a gypsy girl whose family had the magicks to object. They cursed him by returning his soul to his body. And with a soul came a conscious. His memories of his life as a vampire never left but he gained human remorse for his actions. He never forgets what he did."

"What'd he do," Katie asked the obvious, hoping she could find another reason to justify her attack on him.

"From what I understand, Angel was once, well, for lack of a more polite way to say it, a real SOB," said Keith. "There are vamps and there are vamps."

"I can speak from experience," said Willow, "Angel, as a true vampire, is very dangerous and very cruel. He destroys for pleasure and his favorite game is cat and mouse."

"So it would have been better if I had killed him,” said Katie, fighting to find justification.

Keith was barely able to keep his anger in check after that comment. Angel taught him to withhold judgment until all the facts were in, but Keith couldn't let that one go. “I’ve never known him to be like that," Keith said quietly. But not even Katie could miss the deadly fury his voice held. "In fact, you know nothing about him. He has helped hundreds of people, including me. And this world would be poorer without him in it.”

"He’s right,” agreed Willow, though without Keith’s anger. Seeing Katie gear up for a rebuttal, Willow returned to the neutral subject before she could speak. “Anyway, to finish up this story, Buffy was so happy with Angel for a while. And then we found out that a true moment of happiness breaks the curse and releases Angel's soul. It was nasty few months."

"Mom had something to do with that?" Katie asked. It seemed that since her calling, her mother had only touched the surface of the adventures she'd had as a Slayer.

"How would…oh." The light bulb went on for Keith. "That explains why Angel won't let anyone get too close to him. I thought it was more of the guilt stuff."

"I still don't understand," Katie said innocently.

Willow grappled with a way to put it delicately. Keith had no such compulsion. "They became lovers." Keith looked at Willow for confirmation. "And when they did, he lost it. Literally."

Willow nodded. "They completed each other. They were truly happy. It didn't last long. Anyway, let me finish up 'cause I'm about to crash. On one hand, Angel matched her, stride for stride, blow for blow when it came to slaying. On the other, there was so much 'normal' stuff she'd miss out on if he stuck around. Buffy was so much younger than Angel. Hundreds of years younger. There were parts of him she didn't have the experience to understand. And there was so much of Buffy's life Angel couldn't be a part of. So Angel left after we graduated from high school.

Willow stifled a yawn and continued. "Hindsight is twenty/twenty. Back then, we had a hard time disagreeing that it was the best. As intense as their relationship was, it was tough. Something was always pulling them apart, then pushing them together. It was wearing. I guess everyone kinda ganged up on them. Buffy and I found out several years later that your grandmother," she gestured to Katie, "got in her two cents too. I think all of it fed into Angel's own doubts and insecurities. Because he wanted her to have a life and a family so badly, even if he couldn’t have it with her himself."

"So if they loved each other so much, and they must have if they got past that vampires and Slayers are mortal enemies thing, why couldn't they work it out,” asked Kate. “I mean, sex isn't essential. People do it all the time with..." 

"Vampires are dead,” interrupted Keith. “You have to be alive to make a life," he answered, feeling superior, knowing more than a Slayer did about vampires. Suddenly he understood. "So Angel left not only because he would lose his soul if he had sex with Buffy, but also because he was sterile, right?" A key part of his friend’s unhappiness fell into place.

"Right," confirmed Willow. "Angel knew Buffy could never move on as long as he was around. He loved her enough to push her away so she could have as much of a normal life as she could."

"You call Mom normal?"

"I said as possible,” Willow conceded. “Besides, all you knew was she taught evening classes at the gym. That’s all Eric and Kevin know."

"They're my brothers," Katie offered to Keith.

“I gathered,” he said tartly.

"They're still after her to hire extra instructors,” Willow continued. “They’re congratulating themselves on finally getting your mom to take a vacation. Anyway, knowing all that now, can you understand why I'm not all that surprised that Angel might lose a little control after being that close to Buffy after so many years?"

"He never mentioned her to me before," said Keith stubbornly.

"Well, then, you're just gonna have to ask him yourself," said Willow, getting a little fed up with Keith’s disbelief. She’d done enough battle tonight. "I thought it would be best if I figured out a little bit about what happened tonight. I knew you'd both need some answers and I wanted to give Buffy some time alone with him. Hopefully, when you get back, she'll be willing to leave him. We all need sleep." The yawn that escaped put an exclamation point on the thought. 

"Yeah, I should really get back and check on Angel,” his protege concurred. “He might need something."

"He'll be fine if he just sleeps this off. As soon as you can, get some of that painkiller in him. I'll be over in about four hours to check on him. Or when I sleep this off. Call me if you need to, but I think he'll be just fine. If you think about it, grab some fruit for Buffy so she doesn’t keel over on her way back here." Willow stood up and stretched, eliciting several bone cracking pops. "It's going to be interesting to see them together after all this time."


	17. Chapter 17

Just before Willow left with Katie and Keith, Buffy shot the witch a look full of understanding. She thanked the Goddess not only for a friend dearer than a sister, but for one that could care so thoroughly for those Buffy loved too. That Willow knew Buffy needed time alone with Angel before talking to Katie was an invaluable bonus.

Buffy settled herself on the floor next to Angel's bed–given his injury, she didn't want to sit ON the bed. She took his hand in hers and lightly caressed his brow. An unconscious Angel tightened his grip slightly, making Buffy smile. It was comforting to know their connectedness reappeared.

After a few minutes, Buffy decided sitting on the floor wasn't going to do. In spite of the padding Mother Nature imbued over the years, she was less capable of handling hard surfaces. If she planned on staying, she would have to get comfortable.

Angel tossed a bit when Buffy let go of his hand. She moved a lounge chair to the side of his bed and grabbed a blanket from the closet. Remembering Angel would heal more quickly with heat, she thought about getting a hot water bottle, but decided against it when he moaned as he tossed. "Shhhhh, sleep," she commanded, her hands soothing his shoulders. Angel quieted, allowing Buffy to pull the bedspread and blanket across the bed to cover him. She returned to her station, her hand in his hand, and settled in for the hours he slept and healed. Willow was so exhausted that Buffy didn't want to wake her if he pulled his stitches. Keeping still was more important.

Sure enough, he stopped moving.  _ Some things never change.  _ He'd always slept better when she was around. In those horrible days after his return from hell, the only time he slept--really slept--was when she was at the mansion. For her, it had become an excuse to be near him.

The soft light from the lamp in the cabin landed on his face. She looked at the outline of his jaw, the curve of his face, the cut of his chin, the fullness of his lips. He really did look the same. Time seemed to gift him, while it robbed her. She was glad his eyes were closed. She wasn’t ready to see Katie in them again, wasn't ready to see them push her away again. Regardless of the night's events, she was sure he would.

_ It was an easy patrol. Buffy wanted to go back to Angel's for some snuggle time, but Angel was pensive, intent on tracking down an elusive stray. She got the distinct feeling he was avoiding something. He didn't want to talk about it either, but it kept slipping out. She thought he didn't want to go to the prom. It turned out to be so much worse… _

__

_ "I've been thinking about our future,” he said, his eyes darting all over the place. “And the more I do, the more I feel us, you and me being together, is unfair to you…You should be with someone who can take you into the light,” he almost swallowed his words, as though they burned him. “Someone who can make love to you…" _

_ She rushed to reassure him. "I don't care about that." _

__

_ "But you will… an-and children…" _

__

_ "Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish…” _

__

_ "Today…but you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life." _

__

_ "I'll never have a normal life." _

__

_ "Right, you'll always be a Slayer. That's all the more reason you should have a real relationship instead of this…this freak show." _

__

_ Buffy was horrified. She turned to flee the suffocating sewer and its poison, but even as he pushed her out of his life, he was caring for her well being. He caught up with her and forced her to look at him. _

__

_ "I'm sorry, Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this…" _

__

_ "Then don’t.” She pulled away to turn her anger and fear on its source. “Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this? _

__

_ "Have you? Rationally?" he challenged. _

__

_ "No, no, of course not, I'm just a swooney school girl," she spat offended. _

__

_ "I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head, instead of my heart." _

__

_ Buffy lashed out like she always did when she was losing a fight. She hit him ‘below the belt’. "Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating." _

_ "Don't…" he warned. _

__

_ She got a certain satisfaction that the comment threw him. Now maybe… "Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you." _

__

_ "I don't…" _

She’d never forget how she felt when he said that. Her world, her life, crashed around her as suddenly and violently as an earthquake. Angel didn't want to be with her. Suddenly the argument was over. There hadn’t been anything else she could say.

His words echoed in her mind as she softly touched his cheek. Over the years, she’d played and replayed every line. It was years later, in McDonald's of all places, watching Eric and Kevin play that she truly understood the magnitude of the gift he’d struggled to give her.

The hell of it was that they both had been right. Oh, she silently envied the other mothers who could grouse about their mundane existence while she struggled to stay awake after patrolling six hours a night. But she reveled in driving the kids to school and PTA meetings and doing the quarterly taxes and teaching classes. It kept her grounded. She loved Angel even more because he gave it to her.

But it didn't change the fact that Angel was the only one who could have handled both sides of her life.

When she and Jeff broke up, he told Buffy he felt like he'd never had a chance. He was dead on and Angel had nothing to do with this one. In the end, they both realized he didn't have a place in her clandestine world. And it just wasn't fair to him. As hurt as she was about yet another failed relationship, a part of her was relieved when she found out about Jeff's affair. Her mother couldn't understand why she wasn't more upset about the divorce. Willow, darling Willow, understood without words. Thankfully, Jeff stayed nearby in Sunnydale. The boys spent a lot of time at their father's and his new wife’s.

But Katie was hers. As much of Angel as she could wrest from this world. As he slept, Buffy wondered if Angel would hate her for not telling him sooner what she believed to be true.

Before you know it, you'll want it all.

**************

Buffy was mildly dozing when she heard the door click open. She jerked her head up and saw spots. Feeling a hand on her shoulder, a tall, shadowy figure whispered, "Ms. Summers, it's Keith. Dr. Rosenberg suggested I bring you some fruit."

Angel frowned slightly when Buffy extricated her hand. The movement wasn’t lost on Keith, who was still processing all the changes the night had brought.

Buffy gratefully accepted the plate Keith offered. "Mmnn, thanks. I am feeling a bit woozy," she said, chomping on a piece of pineapple.

"How is he?" asked Keith, quietly pulling out the chair to the desk. He sat on it backwards, leaning his hands on its back.

"Sleeping like a babe."

"This is a first."

"Hmnn?" said Buffy absently.

"Angel's a light sleeper. Always wakes up at every sound. Doesn't always move, but he's up."

"He went through a lot today, well, yesterday. It's best that he sleeps it off." Buffy looked down and brushed Angel's hair off his brow.

"That's what Dr. Rosenberg said. I'm to get some painkillers into him as soon as I can."

"That's good." Buffy paused for a minute. She took a deep breath and asked, "I need to go see Katie, but I know you must have…"

Keith held up a hand. "S'alright. Dr. Rosenberg helped us figure out what probably happened last night. I'm sure she’ll run it by you when you get back."

"You okay?" asked Buffy. "I mean, you must be worried."

"I am,” Keith admitted. “I'll feel better when he regains consciousness, even if it's only long enough for me to stuff a pill down his throat. Everything else will keep until he comes to."

"Well, in that case," said Buffy, standing awkwardly, "I should get going. Thank you for letting me stay with him for a while. I really needed to."

"I think I know how you feel. I suspect we've both done our share of bedside watches…I just wished he breathed so I would know he wasn't dead."

Buffy finished folding up the blanket. "He is dead, you know," she said mischievously. "But I know how you feel. I'll stop by later today after I get some sleep. You'll let me know if you need anything?" said Buffy as she headed for the door.

"Of course. Get some sleep. And thank you for your quick thinking. We might have lost him otherwise."

*******************

Katie was asleep when Buffy returned to their room. Wanting to let her, Buffy washed up as best she could at the sink. After changing into her pajamas, Buffy crept out quietly out of the bathroom. She kissed Katie’s brow, got under the covers and stared at the child sleeping fitfully beside her.

Buffy tried to doze, but her mind kept writing scripts for what she had to say to her daughter. She loathed having talks. It was one of Buffy's least favorite parts of parenthood. She’d learned they were more difficult to give than to receive. You just didn't know that until you were a parent yourself. As much as she had seethed about it earlier, she would give the moon if the only thing she needed to talk to Katie about was that damned dress.

Now it was the least important. What could she possibly say to make this easier? Buffy thought back to those times that she'd injured an innocent. She wasn't much older than Katie when it’d first happened to her. Buffy remembered the toll it took on her just being a witness. In her long career, there had been others who were at the wrong place at the wrong time. The remorse didn't lessen, but Buffy learned how to handle these situations.

But this was Katie's first attempt at slaying. To say it turned out badly was an understatement. Buffy was overwhelmed at the implications. Would Katie ever be able to pick up another stake? Would she want to? Would she spend her life fighting her impulses to fight evil because she was terrified? 

How this would affect her relationship with Angel was one question she couldn't bear to think about…

Yet it was the question her mind focused on the most. Would Angel hate Katie for almost killing him? Would he blame Buffy for letting her? Would she have the courage to tell Angel about Katie's father? Would Angel hate her for not sharing her beliefs with him sooner? Would he think it was possible? Could Angel handle it? Would they even be safe? And even if he could, would Angel even want to be a part of Katie's life? Or Mac’s? Would Mac want him to be? Hells, did Buffy want him to be? Why did she think this would be any easier now?

Question after question whirled in her mind. So many that she finally fell asleep from sheer overload.

When Buffy woke up at noon to Eric knocking at the door, Katie was gone. And Buffy didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.


	18. Chapter 18

Angel woke to a dimly lit room. His head felt foggy and his body ached. He needed Advil. Or so he thought until he tried to get it. Then he saw stars as the sharp pain shot through his chest. He felt back against the pillow and groaned. "Keith…" he called, hoping he'd stake him for real this time and put him out of this misery. Angel heard a heavy thump followed by determined footsteps.

"Hey," said a gentle voice in front of him.

Angel parted his eyes slightly to see a disheveled Keith in a chair next to him. "Get me…"

"Already got’em." Keith put a pill to Angel's lips. "Here, buddy."

Angel choked down the capsule, then accepted the straw that followed. Angel swallowed as best he could lying down. "Thanks," he mumbled before falling into blissful oblivion.

********************* 

Willow stopped by about two o'clock to check on Angel. She found her patient exactly where she didn’t want him—unsteadily making his way back from the bathroom. Keith rushed to his side.

"Why didn't you tell me you needed to go?"

Angel gingerly crawled into bed. "Been a long time since I needed my mommy t’ do that, thank ye very much. I'm okay."

"He must be feeling better. He's being difficult," observed Keith, knowing this stage well.

"You know," said Willow, as she set her medical bag down and automatically pulled out a stethoscope, "you've had major surgery and you need to be careful. Oh, what have I got these out for?" She rolled her eyes and returned them to the bag.

Angel chuckled lightly, careful not to move a lot. The trip to the bathroom was more tiring than he wanted to admit. "I ‘ear I've got ye t’ thank for that. It's good t’ see ya, Willow. Although I wish the c’rcumstances were different."

She sat down on the bed beside him. "They would have been if you bothered to say hello like a normal person would. But no!” shaking her finger at him righteously, “you had to revert to form. Maybe this will learn ya." 

He smiled in spite of himself. Willow hadn’t changed for all that her red maybe had a little help from a bottle these days. "You charge extra for that bedside manner?"

"Only to people who don't deserve it. Angel," she said seriously, "you scared us all half to death last night. I don't know who's been more traumatized by this. Katie or Buffy."

Angel's wince had nothing to do with his physical impairment. "I can imagine. I know I have t’ talk t’ both of them. I don't expect Katie, but I was hopin’ Buffy'd stop by."

"Oh, she did. I meant to tell you," Keith said sheepishly. "But you were sleeping."

"She's out looking for Katie who's disappeared," Willow filled it. "It's amazing how a person can stay lost on a ship this size. But you would know all about that, wouldn't you?" she accused with yet another classic Willow look.

It was Angel’s turn to be sheepish. He shrugged his shoulders, clearing feeling it. "Well, it'd been so long and Buffy looked so happy the other night at ‘er party. I’d only get in the way. I thought it was best…"

"…to leave her alone," finished Willow. "You really can't teach an old dog new tricks, can you? Well that's between you and Buffy. I’ve got my hands full enough with this. Let me see," gesturing to Angel to let her examine him. "So how are you feeling? And when did you start talking funny?"

"Well, I…Owww," he bellowed as Willow ripped the bandage from his chest. Angel pulled his hands up to protect himself from her next attack. "Ye're supposed t’ heal people! That hurt."

"Oh hush, you've had worse,” she said as she slapped his hands away. “And I'll make it a lot more if you keep being stupid and don't let Keith help you," warned Willow. "I put a lot of work in you last night. You goof it up, I'm gonna be pissed. Now relax." The red-headed doctor missed Angel’s skeptical look as practiced fingers probed Angel's chest. "You're lucky. Physically, you're almost healed."

"Then why do I still feel like a truck backed up over me several times?"

"Oh, so now you'll admit it," Willow said knowingly. "It's because I put your soul back where it belongs."

"That’s what Keith said. I canna believe that. I ‘aven’t had a lot of experience with astral projection, so I dinna know a lot about it. But he said both the demon and my human soul were attached in the same spot and both were injured?" Angel recapped, looking to Keith for confirmation.

"Right,” affirmed Willow. “It's been a real educational experience too. Got to try a new technique out on you. Worked like a charm. Plus I found out why wood kills vampires."

"You know, you weren’t sure last night," chimed Keith.

"Shows you what a good night sleep will do." Willow was clearly excited by her discovery. "See, the heart is a vulnerable area. Obviously on living creatures, the heart pumps blood. You stop pumping, you die. Pretty straight forward. With what I learned last night, I’m theorizing that with vampires, they're vulnerable too there because that’s where the demon takes up residence after the change. Plus the heart is also vulnerable spiritually. Meaning it's physically closer, in proximity that is, to that spiritual plane. It's why when we hurt emotionally, we feel it here, " said Willow gesturing to her chest.

"So ye're sayin’ if somethin’, some weapon, can penetrate the astral plane, it can cross over t’ do the demon some harm," surmised Angel, fascinated by this anatomy lesson. "That's why this hit me so ‘ard, pardon the pun. I was injured on physical and spiritual planes."

"Right," confirmed Willow.

"I still don't get the wood thing," said Keith. "Why not other stuff? I mean, the cleat was fiberglass, right? Look at the damage it did."

"I still have to run this theory past Giles, but I'm guessing it has to do with the spiritual properties of wood. The fiberglass was able to penetrate the astral plane but it doesn’t have the duality wood does. So it couldn’t kill."

"Huh?" grunted Keith.

"Think about it. Every time we play twenty questions, what's one of the first things we ask? Animal, vegetable or mineral. Two out of those three have a life force. Plant material has a different life force than animals, but nevertheless it's there. Which means it exists on both physical and spiritual plains."

"So you're telling me I gotta start feeling guilty every time I pull a weed because it has a soul?" grimaced Keith.

"No, no," chuckled Angel, grasping the finer points of metaphysics. "She means it ‘as two dimensions where non-livin’ things only have one, right?" Once again, Willow nodded. "So wood, even though the tree is no longer alive per se, still has some residual effects on the astral plane."

"Which is why wood can injure the demon severely enough to make it leave the human body. I bet stakes made of bone would also work, but they went out with the ice age," continued Willow.

"Ok, let m’ play devil's advocate," said Angel. Keith and Willow gave him a look *What?* he held out his hands. "It's only an expression! Come’n now! Anyway…this whole thing knocked the crap out of me. I know in almost three centuries, I've see other vampires receive similar injuries, but I can't recall anyone hurt this bad."

"They didn't have a soul either. You had two injured spirits." Willow laid one hand on top of the other. "It was your demon spirit," shaking the hand on the bottom, "then your human soul," shaking the top one, "and powey!" She finished off the visual by using her top index finger as the cleat that drove through both souls. “I supposed I could have just pulled the cleat out, but I figured as long as I was there, I'd…" Willow drifted off and got a far away look in her eyes.

"What?" asked Angel.

Willow shook her head. "Well, I just knew how heavily your…your past," she said delicately, "weighed on your conscious. I thought maybe if I put your soul back where it belonged, it wouldn't hurt so much."

"Well, we’ll see how I feel a bit later for sure," Angel said noncommittally. "But I'm glad I slept most of this off. I'm sore all over, but I can tell I'm over the worst of it. I don't know how t’ describe it, but I feel less…morbid. It's like an instant attitude adjustment. People close t’ me have been sayin’ for years that I've helped a lot of people. I'd nod my head, but in my heart I'd always remember someone I hurt. Since I woke up, though, when I think about people, I remember both. Does that make any sense?"

"Sure. You’re getting a new sense of balance. And since I got you in a good mood, how 'bout helping me with another theory?" asked Willow. "Not that you haven't already given Giles and Council the most exciting vampire break through this decade, maybe even for the century."

"I dunno, Willow. You think Giles can handle another one? He is getting’ up there," drawled Angel.

“You should know! Yeah, I think he can handle it,” Willow chuckled as she retrieved a small, rectangular device from her medical bag. "Ever seen one of these?"

"Sure," Keith jumped in. "It's a genometer. Used at crime scenes to identify victims. What are you doing with one?"

"Sunnydale's a small town. ER doctors double as medical examiners. Know how it works?"

"Put some blood in this little hole, it whirs for five minutes and then spits out a list of possible names," said Keith. "It's based on the genetic code, right?"

Willow nodded, preparing the machine for use. "I'm blown away that it's so small. Back at the turn of the century, the Human Genome project was this huge world wide research project. It took them years to figure out all the genes. To even sequence a genotype used to take a solid day, never mind cross checking the database to see who matched."

"So what does this ‘ave t’ do with me?" asked Angel, gingerly adjusting his pillows.

"There's always been this debate about how vampires process blood. Does it go into their system directly or do they digest it? I want to know."

"O-kay? How?" questioned Angel with a very puzzled, very wary look.

"You usually eat animal blood, right?" Willow continued when he nodded. "So we know the only human blood in your system is Buffy's." Willow rattled on, not noticing Angel blanch. "So we can test for it. Take a sample and see if we get a match. If we do, we know it's a direct transfer. If we don't, we know you process it and someone else gets to figure it out how. Okay with you?"

"Sure," said Angel, holding out his arm, “seems simple enough.”

"Actually, I just need your finger." Willow sat next to Angel with the genometer and a needle. "I just need to…" Angel grimaced when Willow quickly stabbed his finger. “Oh get over it. You’ve had a whole lot worse in the last twenty-four hours,” said Willow, dripping a few drops into the device. “"There. Now we wait.”

“Yeah, but I was unconscious then. Besides, my fingers have more nerve endings,” he argued.

“When did you become such a baby?” Willow wrapped a band-aid around Angel’s finger.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then Angel said quietly, "I didn't know ye had t’ transfuse me," looking down and then at her.

Willow explained. "You lost a lot of blood. We didn't know what would happen. We didn't know about Keith and we had only found one of your boxes. I had no intention of saving you only to have you starve to death." She leveled an even glance at him. "I didn’t even have to ask."

"No wonder I'm healing so fast," he contemplated. "So…" He was interrupted by the beeping genometer. "Speaking of fast…"

"I only have the California database on here,” said Willow absently. “Quicker to go through and less expensive to maintain. If I don't get anything on the first run, I can always take it to the hospital and cross-check it there. Now this," she said reading the words on the LED screen, "I didn't expect."

"What?" said Keith.

"Katie came up, not Buffy. There are days I think I should have been a researcher. I love mysteries," she gleamed. After a moment, she exclaimed, "Ooo, I know!”

“Willow, stop shaking the bed,” winced Angel.

Willow winced in reaction. “Oo, sorry.”

“What were ye saying?” Angel directed her to finish.

“Well. Digestion breaks down the blood, so only parts of the genetic code would remain intact for identification. Part of Katie's code will match Buffy's, her mother, so the genometer identified the totally random parts that happened to match Katie's. Hmpf. Thank you Angel." Willow began packing up. "And now I want you to get some more rest." She held up her hand before Angel could protest. "You're doing really well, but don't overdo it. Get some more sleep and I bet by this evening you'll be as good as new. Even if you can't sleep, stay in bed for a few more hours at least." She wiggled a finger at him again in warning. "I know what you hero types are like. And I'm gonna kick your butt if you push it and have a relapse."

Angel looked down and gave Willow a most pitiful look. "Yes, Dr. Rosenburg," he said meekly.

***************************

As soon as Willow returned to her room, she made the call. "I need to call England, please. Yes, I know it will be expensive. Just make the connection." When she heard the tone, she dialed the Watcher's Council.

"Rupert Giles, please." She tapped her foot as she waited for him to answer. "Giles? Hey…no, no, everything’s fine now, though you'll never guess who we bumped into here…and you'll never guess what I think I did to him…"


	19. Chapter 19

Angel woke to the pleasant sensation of a stationary room. He shifted upward carefully, half expecting the room to lose its stability. When it didn't, he tentatively sat up. He'd just put his feet on the floor when he heard Buffy whisper, "How is he?"

"Dr. Rosenberg was here a few hours ago. Said she's really pleased at his progress," responded Keith, relief apparent in his tone. "Something about your blood helping him to heal."

"Score another one for those good ole' American Slayer cells. They pack a wallop. How are you doing?" she asked pointedly.

Keith ducked, answering the obvious instead of the real question. "I'm good, other than needing sleep and a shower."

"I'm not gonna argue," said Buffy wryly. "Well, I guess I better let him sleep."

Not wanting her to leave, Angel walked steadily into the living room. "I would, but you two could wake the dead. Ye DID wake the dead." Sitting down, he answered the questions before they could ask them. "The room isn’t spinnin’ an’ I feel fine. Sooner or later I'm gonna have t’ try getting’ up, so it might as well be now." Making a show of getting comfortable, he finished. "I'm just gonna hang out ‘ere a while, see how I feel."

Keith started to object, but thought the better of it. Angel did look almost normal. "Sorry buddy, I thought we were quiet."

"Don' worry about it. I was already awake. Besides, I'd like t’ talk t’ Buffy. I think we need to." The look on his face was half pleading, half demanding that she stay.

Keith knew how to take a hint. "Well, in that case, I'll take this opportunity to get clean."

"You do smell like a spegange demon," Angel conceded.

Keith pointed at him accusingly. "All your fault,” he said, grabbing a set of clean clothes. “I'll be back in a bit."

Angel hadn't meant to chase Keith out of his own place. "There's a shower in the other room if I recall."

Keith shrugged as he opened the door. "No towels. All overboard. First, towels from the gym, then shower. Maybe I'll get 'lucky'," he gestured in quotes, "and miss my dinner partner at the buffet. I'm starved!"

As Keith left, Buffy walked to the balcony, her back to Angel. The night’s first stars were just appearing. She stood awkwardly, a sharp contrast to the composed image of the night before. Angel watched her shift from one foot to the other, her arms crossed protectively in front of her, bracing for the inevitable. As pensive as she looked, the scene comforted Angel. This was the Buffy he knew.

"Why don't ye take the load off the floor." She turned abruptly to meet his gaze. He returned it, smiling gently. It felt right to be reassuring her again. "I’m glad ye stopped by."

The sureness in his voice tapped into that young part of her that could tell him anything. "I wasn't sure you would be. I kinda got you in this mess."

Angel shook his head in disagreement. "Katie had every right t’ do what she did. And I'll tell her that myself when things calm down a bit. I expect everyone's a bit on edge."

"Understandably so. It threw her," Buffy said wryly. "Hells, it threw me. For a completely different reason," she said more to the room at large. Abruptly she focused on Angel. "I'm really sorry I kissed you like that."

"Ye are?" disappointment apparent in his response.

"Well, not for the kiss itself…"

"Good. I mean, 'cause as far as kisses go, I thought it was well above average." Buffy cocked her head quizzically. "What?" asked Angel.

"It's nothing." But Angel gave her one of those looks he was famous for, one you couldn't run away from, one that commanded an answer. Buffy let out a sigh. "Sometimes I dream about you, that's all. It just reminded me."

"Oh?" answered Angel. The way he answered encouraged her to elaborate, but belied his desperate desire to hear about those dreams.

Buffy debated what to tell him. She didn't want to give him a toehold to hurt her yet again, intentionally or otherwise. She was determined to remain in control. She was no longer a schoolgirl, no matter how swoony she felt at the moment. Denial rarely worked where Angel was concerned. Whether defiance fared better was debatable, but it certainly made her feel like she had half a chance. So she decided to tell him the first of her many truths. How many more she would reveal depended on how he reacted to this one.

"I dream about you. Being human. Pretty silly, huh?"

"Yeah, silly," chimed Angel.  _ She remembers.  _ On some level, she remembered that magical day. It rocked him to his core. He fought to retain his composure. And hide it.

He lost. "Angel? You okay?" Buffy was so wrapped up in her own musings that she hadn't noticed Angel fighting to stay vertical in the chair. Being upright was taking its toll on him. "Maybe you ought to lie down. Voice mail can handle messages from my collective unconscious."

"Maybe I should. Lay down, I mean." Angel began to stand, but he staggered slightly. Quickly Buffy slipped under his arm, supporting his weight easily. Her strength had grown over the years, regardless of the age her face showed. Angel found himself light headed at the familiar way she helped him to the bed.

She turned to leave, but Angel gripped her forearm. "Please. Stay. I don’t want ye t’ leave.”

The forwardness of his request surprised Buffy. He was rarely that open in the past. Rather she remembered that it was almost painful for him to admit what he wanted or felt. Intrigued by this new side of her former lover, she sat down on the edge of the bed. He moved toward the center to allow her more room. "Only for a moment," she warned. "Willow will hurt me if you have a relapse."

"I won't. I'm feelin’ better now."

"Still, you shouldn't over do it."

Angel dropped back to the original topic. "I'll sleep better knowin’ ye're alright. I really don't blame you or Katie. So how is ‘he?"

"Katie's been avoiding me all day. Like you said before, I know she's on edge. Needs her space. But we also need to talk. She shouldn't have to deal with this alone. If she doesn't come to me soon…"

"I'm sorry I put ‘er in that situation."

"Well, she's growing up. She needs to take responsibility for her part in this. I told her to stay put. She didn't."

"There have been a lot of times that ye didn't either and it was a good thing." Angel smiled at the memories.

"I know, I know," said Buffy, understanding his smile. "I hate this part of being a mom," she remarked ruefully.

"I know what ye mean." Now it was Buffy's turn to look questioningly at Angel. "I do my share of this with the teenagers at our shelters. They're at the very fragile point, bein’ on the verge of adulthood, but still bein’ children. It's a confusin’ time, but ye don't know that until you're through it. Finding the right words t’ convey the gravity of a situation is tough without being preachy. If ye don't respect them, they tune ye right out."

"That's very insightful." Buffy smiled sweetly. "I bet you're good at it. You always were with me."

"Thanks,” Angel smiled back. “I try. I think it's easier for me because I never knew them as kids. I can’t remember changin’ their diaper or holdin’ the back of their bicycle without the trainin’ wheels. It's a different perspective."

Buffy looked at Angel through years of motherhood. "You sound like you miss that."

"Yeah, one of my many regrets. Wish…"

"Wish what?"

"Nothing."

"Oh no," said Buffy shaking her head, tapping his hand. "I ‘fessed up. Your turn. Besides I don't think I've ever known you to wish out loud. It's a new side of you.

Angel shook his head. "Blame Willow. That operation must've messed with my emotions."

"Nice try at avoidance. Tell me."

Angel dropped his eyes to see her hand still on his. Maybe this ‘operation’ really had done exactly what Willow had said. He really didn’t feel the need to hide from her how he felt about the subject. He took her hand and stroked it, her fingers so tiny in his hand. He looked at up to meet her gaze. "I was jealous the night of yer party. Ye were so happy with yer family around you. And I know I made the right decision. I mean, ye’re here and ye’re healthy, but…"

"But what?" She gripped his hand back, telling him silently how much she wanted to know how he felt.

Angel took a deep breath and blew it out. "I wish I hadn’t had t’ walk away. I wish things could have been different. Wish I could have been there. Been part of yer family." Buffy sat there shocked at his admission. And just when she thought she heard it all, he dropped the big one. "I wish more than anythin’ else that they were my kids too."

Buffy closed her eyes in longing and pain. "You never told me."

"Ah, ye were so young when we were together. It scared you. But for me, being with ye was the first time the paternal instinct roared. And the longer we were together, the louder it got."

Buffy recovered enough to nod. "I wondered about that. After I had them, the kids. Thought about how you were always the one who brought up the subject of actually  _ HAVING _ them."

Angel tried a vain attempt to lighten the again serious conversation. "And they say men don't have biological time clocks."

"Well most men aren't around as long as you were."  _ Most men weren't you either,  _ Buffy thought wistfully.

"True. It snuck up on me. It hurt more than ye can imagine t’ know that I found someone I wanted t’ make a family with and t’ know it wasn't possible."

She knew that feeling too well. And she knew that the time had come to tell him what she wanted him so desperately to know. "Oh, I can imagine. Believe me.” She gathered both his hands in hers, always aware of how cold he was, as she began to ramble. “Angel, I need to tell you something. I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but I wasn’t sure I should, I mean, I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it, and I know it was my decision, but I really wanted to you to know, but I haven't known how to tell you, and we haven't seen each other for so long, and things have been so awkward, but I suppose after what you just said…"

Angel reached over and gently lifted her chin to meet his gaze, a gesture so achingly familiar. "It's okay. Ye can tell me. Anything this important t’ ye, I wanna know."

Buffy took a deep breath. "Angel, it's about…"

Her words were interrupted by the sharp slam of the exterior door. A figure clad in flowing black uproariously took over the living room. "Ok, I waited and waited,” said Abby, who whipped off sunglasses as she stood in the bed door frame. “You can't ignore …Oh hello…" she said, suddenly sweet as she spied Buffy, sitting on the bed next to Angel with her hand formerly in his. "And who might you be?" Her voice might have been peaches and cream, but her posture was more reminiscent of a snake poised to strike. "Hmm?"

Angel recovered first. He regretted abruptly releasing Buffy's hand like a guilty teenager when Abby first entered. It was his room and he'd touch anyone he damn well pleased. "Did it never occur t’ ye t’ knock?" he asked disdainfully.

However, Abby's form didn't wane. "Now why would I want to knock? One comes upon the most interesting things. You see, I've already lost one lover to a younger paramour. You can't really blame me for being recalcitrant to lose another to someone so obviously older than me.”

Shocked by this woman’s implied intimacy with Angel, Buffy got up quickly. "I better go…" Abby wasted no time in clearing the door frame for Buffy's speedy departure. She was gone before Angel had a chance to say anything.

"Well," invited Abby, implying her demand for information. She took off a scarf from around her neck and sat down in the chair next to the bed. "You want to tell me what's going on here." She was prepared for answers. She wasn't prepared to receive Angel's wrath.

Angel got up and paced the room. "Yer are some piece of work, Abigail Garner. Ye believe the sun rises and sets on you. Well, I've got news for you. ‘Elen of Troy ye not." Angel stopped, placing his hand on the door frame to steady himself, watching as if he could see Buffy’s departure. He wasn’t quite in shape for the ass reaming he so very badly wanted to give Abby. Instead he took a cleansing breath. "Damn, I've got t’ eat." He headed to the kitchenette.

Angel’s reaction made Abby think twice. After a moment, Abby followed. She found him rinsing out a mug. "Angel," she spoke quietly. "I'm sorry." Just then, she noticed the huge bandage peaking out from under his tank. Laying a hand on his shoulder, she asked gently, "What's going on?"

Angel looked up at her, emotion shining thickly in his eyes. He didn’t have the energy to stay mad at her. What he really needed at this very moment was the support of one of his best friends. "I wish I knew, Abby, I wish I knew." He shook his head. "Tell ye what? You fix the tea, and I'll fill ye in on what I know."

"From the looks of it," stated Abby gesturing to the bandage, "it was quite a night."

"Ye don’t know the half of it," said Angel, leaning heavily against the counter.


	20. Chapter 20

Keith was entering the ship's fitness center when he bumped into Katie. Literally. Again. This time, she was the one who was preoccupied.

"Uh, I'm sor…oh, it's you," she said quietly.

"Oh, since it's me, you don't feel the need to apologize? We've become so close in the past twenty-four hours." Keith looked hard at Katie. The giddiness he felt being with her the night before had been replaced by fury. He'd had plenty of time to mull over the gravity of the evening's events while he watched Angel sleep.

Katie gulped. "Uh, of course I owe you an apology. I'm very sorry."

"Sorry for what? Which one? Sorry for almost killing the only person in the world that's ever cared for me? Sorry for lying to me? For setting me up for a crime?"

"What? I didn't…" She was unprepared for the intensity of his anger. It hadn't been this focused the night before in Willow’s room.

"Serving alcohol to a minor is a misdemeanor offense. But I suppose I should be grateful that I'm not facing a felony. I mean, I could be up for statutory rape. Or should I add cock tease to your many talents?

Katie was paralyzed by the cruelty of his words. "I…I…"

"You know what? I don't have time for this. I need a shower, I need something to eat and I need to get back to Angel. I know what the daughter did to him…I can only imagine what shape he's gonna be in after the mother takes her shot." Keith stalked off angrily to the showers.

Katie ran, hoping she’d find a secluded place to hide because she wasn't going to be able to choke back the tears very long.


	21. Chapter 21

It looked like every other deck on the ship. None of the guests had any idea of the critical events that occurred there the night before. Even the place on the wall where Katie tore that damn cleat was gone, patched by the ever-efficient staff of the luxury liner.

_ Katie. _ He couldn’t get her off his mind. She filled it even more than she did the day before. It was getting crowded in there, what with all the anger, fury, and desire.

_ Snap out of it, Maxwell. She’s only sixteen. _ He wasn’t kidding when he told her about statutory rape.  _ She’s jailbait.  _ And he would have never known if Dr. Rosenberg hadn’t told him.

But would he have considered seeing her anyway, if she had told him her age? Probably not. Was it because he was shallow?

Why did this lie bother him so much? She wasn’t the first teenager who tried to convince him she was older than she was. It bothered him because he fell for it. He wanted to fall for it. Being with her was so easy. She was so beautiful. Strong. Liked what he liked. Conversation flowed. He had trusted her. He could fall in love with her. Hell, he HAD fallen in love with her. He was pretty sure that she felt the same way. It felt like they had the beginnings of something special.

What did it matter? Even if age wasn’t an issue, she had dashed any hope of a real relationship starting. She lied to him. That pissed him off even more. It was too much to contemplate. 

Keith took a final drag of his cigarette and threw it overboard. Angel would probably have a fit, but Keith didn’t care. He needed some kind of release. This wouldn’t affect him like alcohol would. He needed a clear mind tonight. He had no idea what to expect, but he was prepared to support Angel the way his mentor had always supported him. When he got to the cabin, Keith knocked carefully, wanting to give the former lovers ample warning.

“Come in,” heralded Angel. Except it was the wrong set of lovers. Angel and Abby were sitting in the same positions he had found them in the day before. “Ye’ve been smokin’,” Angel noted disapprovingly.

‘So sue me.”

“Needed t’ take the edge off, huh?” queried Angel kindly.

“Yep,” answered Keith, putting away his soiled clothing. “Where’d Buffy go?”

“Hurricane Abby ‘ere swept ‘er away. I’ve just about had enough of being cooped up inside this cabin, so I may try t’ find ‘er.”

“You should you’re up to it?” asked Keith, contemplating with dread what the Summers women would do to them next.

“I think so. I think the last vestiges of this were due t’ extreme hunger. Which I’ve taken care of.”

“You sure you want to go find her? You might find Katie instead?”

“That would be alright too. I want t’ talk t’ ‘er as well.”

“Well be warned, she might not want to. ” Keith admitted ruefully, sitting down in a huff. “I bumped into her.”

“Ye found her?” said Angel, surprised. “Buffy’s been lookin’ for her all day.”

“Yeah, just before I hit the showers. I’m not exactly proud of it either.” Before they could question him, Keith explained ruefully. “I ripped into her pretty hard. She’s not much more than a child and I let my anger at the situation right out at her.”

“That’s understandable,” replied Angel.

Keith raised his eyebrows. “No it’s not,” Keith argued. “Who’s the adult here?”

“You love her, don’t you?” Abby stated, contributing for the first time.

Keith whipped his head at her dumbfounded. She had spent the entirety of the previous evening competing with her for his attention and now she seemed to be her cheerleader? “Abby, I’ve only known her for twenty-four…thirty-hours tops. She’s sixteen years old. I…”

Abby cut him off. “Keith, believe me when I say when love comes knocking, it doesn’t make sense. Except the most wonderful kind of sense any human…” Abby darted her eyes to Angel, “or vampire…can imagine. It doesn’t come along often and when it does, society be damned, grab it with two hands and run toward it with everything you have.” Keith was stunned at Abby’s monologue. “Shocked I see. Well, let me let you in on a little secret. Ignoring it, or the person who hurt you, doesn’t make it go away. Or so I’ve been told,” the aristocrat said pointedly again at the oldest person in the room.

Angel nodded. He not only agreed, but was also very happy to see Abby had gotten honest with herself without his assistance.

“If anything,” Abby continued, “it amplifies it. Makes everything you feel so much stronger. Give your feelings some time. I know you’re angry with her for what she did to Angel, but from what he tells me, she did what comes naturally. And I suspect you’re going to love her more deeply for it.”

Keith was willing to think about everything she said, until she got to that last part. “No, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Abby, I might be able to get past the fact that she’s a decade younger than me, but she lied to me about being underage. Do you really understand how serious a matter that is? How much that could ruin my life even if she didn’t mean to hurt me? If that isn’t an indicator that I shouldn’t get involved, I don’t know what is.”

“If there is anyone who understands being at the wrong place at the wrong time, it’s me.” Angel added credence to Abby’s point. “Sometimes even though ye know it’s better t’ think with yer head, yer heart won’t let you. If it’s anything as intense as I think it is, yer heart won’t let ye forget. No matter how much time has passed, those Slayers leave an impression,” he declared while wondering what he was gonna do about HIS Slayer.


	22. Chapter 22

Abby left shortly after Keith got back. After having said her piece on love, she tried to convince Keith to join her for dinner, but he’d already had a quick bite. Keith warned Angel that he shouldn’t go out, that Dr. Rosenberg hadn’t pronounced him healed yet. So Angel settled in to read a book, obliging Keith who was determined to keep an eye on his vampire mentor, even though he himself was exhausted.

But Angel was nothing if not patient. All he had to do was wait until exhaustion caught up with his roomie. Sure enough, forty-five minutes later, right on time, Keith was catching Z’s. Finally fed, cleaned and relieved after a stressful day, he was out cold.

Angel ventured out once he too was cleaned and fed, about eight o’clock. It was almost a full day after his collision with Katie and he was well on his way to a full recovery. He was getting cabin fever and needed to stretch his legs.

Smart enough to not overdo, he went to his favorite part of the ship: the library. It was tucked into a corner, away from the hustle and bustle of nightlife. He strode through the dark sitting area, slight ambient light emanating from the sconces on the walls. He found a surprise waiting for him on the small couch at the end of the stacks.

"So, this is where ye been hidin’," he drawled.

Katie yelped and turned around. Shock turned to fear when she recognized him. “I…I’m…I’m a…”

Angel smiled warmly, “Katie. I know. I’m Angel.” He held out his hand. Katie simply stared. So he walked around to the front of the couch, pursed his lips and spoke thoughtfully. “Tell ye what? I’ll make ye a deal. Ye don’t stake me and I won’t bite you? Sound fair?”

Katie’s eyes got round as saucers in her tear-stained face. Then she relaxed slightly. “You’re joking, right?” she asked tentatively.

“Yes, I’m jokin’,” Angel chuckled. “Ye should feel privileged. Doesn’t happen often. But ye looked like ye were ready t’ bolt, so one does what one must,” he said, sitting down. “I’m pretty sure I could catch ye, but I’d rather be takin’ it easy.”

“You’re feeling better?” asked Katie anxiously.

"I’ve had worse," Angel replied in what seemed to be a British accent, which sounded really strange on top of his Irish one. When Katie started staring again, Angel just shook his head. “Never mind. Bad impression of an old movie. I’m fine.” Angel patted the couch next to him. “Have a seat. I didn’t mean t’ disturb you.” He sat, looking out the ceiling-to-floor window that dominated the room.

Katie wasn't really sure why, but she wanted to stay. She’d spent a lot of today here, looking out this window. Sometimes she’d wonder, sometimes think, but mostly she just stared, her mind overloaded by her emotions. She managed to sneak out when she heard her mother look for her earlier. That’s when she retreated to the gym. And found Keith. So far, this encounter was going far better than that disaster.

She had been ready to run away from Angel, but she was beginning to accept she couldn’t stay hidden. She was going to have to face the others. The cruise was going to end in another day and then what was she going to do? Run away when they docked? And unlike Keith, Angel was being so nice, even though he was the one she nearly killed. Besides, she really wanted to know about him, this VAMPIRE from her mother’s past, one she apparently loved. Katie nodded in acceptance of Angel’s request and sat at the edge of the couch, taking up as little space as she could.

Angel relaxed into the couch, happy at the small victory he’d just won. He stretched out his long legs and settled in. "It’s quite spectacular out there,” he said gesturing to the stars. "Most people go t’ the observation deck, but I think the view is better here. The deck lights don't compete. And it's quieter."

Suddenly Katie stiffened, took a deep breath and blurted, "I'm sorry." She’d been mustering her courage while he spoke. She looked him dead in the eye and held her breath while she waited for his response.

Angel assessed her for a moment. Katie saw compassion, understanding and admiration flash in his eyes. At length, he smiled gently. "Don't be. In any other circumstance, it would have meant yer mother's life. Nev’r be sorry for doing what ye were born to do."

Katie let out her breath. She nodded her head again and sat back slightly. Katie didn’t know what else to say, amazed at the easy understanding and forgiveness he gave her. But Angel knew that and decided to wait her out. So they sat together in strained silence, looking out at the stars glinting over the Atlantic.

Katie relaxed somewhat at intervals. When she finally sat all the way back, Angel knew he could start with something simple. She needed understanding from him or she’d turn into another Faith Lehane, the lost renegade Slayer. Angel had helped Faith, but he didn’t relish seeing Buffy’s daughter walk the same road. Besides he really wanted to know this young woman. From what Keith had told him, she was as special as her mother. "It never ceases to amaze me how I can be so far from ‘ome and still see the same stars. Makes m’ think I'm not so far away after all."

"How do you know they're the same?" said Katie, intrigued.

Angel smiled to himself at how quick Katie asked her question. "Constellations. They may b’ located in different places, but they're still there. See tha one," he pointed down low on the horizon. "There're four stars like a rectangle standing on the short end. Do ye see the three close together in the middle? Almost like a bow tie?" Katie nodded, leaning lower, fascinated by the lesson. "That's Orion. One of the first ones I learned. My grandfather taught m’ when I was about ten. It'll only be visible for a little while longer."

"Why?"

"It's a winter constellation. Of course if I really wanted to see it, I could go t’ the Southern Hemisphere. But I'm headed t’ Los Angeles, so I'll have to wait until October or so to see it again."

Katie waited for him to continue, but he just sat there, looking into the night sky. After a while, Katie leaned back in her chair and followed his lead. The night really was amazing.

Together they sat in silence. It was a completely different experience for her, since her mother tended to talk a lot. Katie felt like she should say something, but it was almost as if Angel knew words wouldn't be enough. So he didn't expect them. In fact, he didn't expect anything from her at all. Just being there seemed to be enough.

With this realization, Katie finally relaxed completely. She also realized why this man was so special to her mom. She picked up the water bottle beside the couch and just enjoyed the simplicity of the night sky. She had just finished it and was about to put the bottle down when a star shot across the sky.

"Make a wish," Angel instructed.

"Don't think I need to," Katie replied.

"Oh?" It was Angel's turn to make the short response.

"I got my wish. You're okay," she answered honestly.

He looked at her. "So I am. And that's yer wish?”

"Uh-huh,” Katie said. “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you today. I didn’t because…"

"Ye thought I'd be angry…" finished Angel.

"I would be. Keith was."

Angel snorted, “So he said. But ye lied t’ him.”

“Yeah but…”

“Yeah, but nothin’.” Katie soon learned not to mistake kindness for weakness. “What did ye expect?”

Katie was silent for a time. “I dunno, I just hoped…I just didn’t want to be a kid for a while.”

Angel laughed. “Ye won’t believe m’ now, but there will come a day that ye’ll wish just the opposite. It’ll be sooner than most too, because you’re a Slayer.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that, but I’ve been a Slayer for two months and you’re the first thing I got to slay!” Katie exclaimed, frustrated by how she was supposed to grow up, but no one was treating her that way. Then she gasped when she realized what she said. “Ohmigod! Angel, I’m so sorry.”

He chuckled at Katie’s delayed reaction. “It’s okay. It’s a confusin’ time for most people, even if they aren’t the ‘Chosen One.’”

“I think I understand why Mom was so worried,” Katie offered shyly. “You’re really good with people.”

Angel snorted. “That’s a new one. Usually I ‘ear that I’m antisocial at best.”

“No…” Katie argued. “You said what I needed to hear.”

“Well, thank you. Someone had to. And since ye won’t let yer mother find ye,” chided Angel, “I thought I’d give her a hand. Ye know, ye’re wired a lot like her.”

“Oh god!” exclaimed Katie, taking it as a minor insult. “And here we were getting along so well!”

Angel laughed. “Oh come on, yer mother’s an amazing woman. One of the most excitin’ I’ve ever known.”

“Really? Why? You knew her when she was my age, right?”

“Mm-hmm,” Angel grunted. Suddenly nostalgia took over. "I loved yer mother from the moment I saw ‘er. I wasn't in a very good place at the time, but once I saw Buffy…well, let's just say she motivated me."

Angel continued, lost in the memory. "I dinna actually meet ‘er until a year later. I hadn't consciously planned for us to…become involved." Angel's expression softened and a scant smile played across his face. "She was the most intoxicatin’ experience I'd ever known. The first time I kissed ‘er, well, I had much the same reaction ye saw last night. I had no idea she'd have that power over me."

"What did Mom do?" asked Katie, absorbed in their story.

"Screamed," he said smiling at what had become a fond memory. "I judged it was best to make myself scarce. Served m’ right for makin’ a pass at a Slayer."

"You knew she was the Slayer?"

"Umm.” Angel murmured his trademark purr. “I saw her called."

"Called?"

"When her first watcher told her what she was."

"You were there? How? She said it was when she got out of school one day."

"Stayed in the car." The confused look on her face prompted him. "Blacked out windows,” he shrugged. “Not the most comfortable, but when ye really need to be out, it'll do."

"Oh.” Katie thought for a moment. “It sounds like you still love her.”

She was stepping onto dangerous ground, so Angel redirected the conversation. "What about yer dad? Ye haven’t mentioned him."

"I see him every once in a while, but it’s tough with him being so far away."

Angel was startled. "I thought he and yer mom still owned a business together?"

"Jeff does. But Jeff’s not my dad."

“He's not?" asked Angel, perplexed by this new information. He couldn't believe Cordy let that tidbit slip.

"No. About a year after Mom got divorced, she hooked up with an Internet buddy from Savannah. Literally."

"Buffy?”

"Yep, believe me, that's what everyone said.” Angel’s reaction to her birth was pretty standard. Katie was used to it by now. “Completely out of character, but when mom decides she's going to do something…"

"She does it. Impulsive as ever."

"Can't say I'm sorry about it though. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. Actually,” said Katie, sizing Angel up, “you remind me a little of Mac. Now that I’m not scared to death or trying to kill you…" They both chuckled.

“And I’m grateful for it,” deadpanned Angel.

“You’re welcome,” Katie laughed. “Anyway, Mac’s about your height with brown hair, brown eyes."

“Ye call him by name?”

“Yeah. I guess he’s not really a dad in the same sense as Jeff. I mean, I see Mac every couple of years, though Mom talks to him fairly regularly on-line. I dunno. I just never got the feeling he really wanted to know me. He’s more like a distant uncle.”

“That’s his loss,” said Angel immediately, meaning it sincerely. Angel couldn’t imagine anyone not wanting to know his child, but he also remembered his youth when he’d avoided anything that had to do with family. Now it was something he’d give the world for but never have.

“It’s okay. I have Mom and my brothers. I guess I'll even keep Kevin."

"Cause ‘e comes with the package," quipped Angel wryly.

"And mom'd get angry if I broke up the set," jibed Katie back. She returned to answer Angel's original question. She'd feel really bad if she gave Angel the wrong impression about Mac. He didn't deserve it. "You know, it’s not like I don’t get along with him. He’s cool. I have a picture, if you’d like to see it.”

"Sure.” While Katie dug for her wallet, Angel observed, “Ye carry his picture with you? Even though ye’re not close?"

“Well he IS my dad. I didn’t say he didn’t love me. He just doesn’t know what to do with me. It wasn’t like he wanted to be a parent. Although it's gotten better as I've gotten older. Mom calls me her Happy Accident. Ah, here it is.” Tipping toward the light, Katie squinted at it for a moment. "Actually, his facial features are…I dunno, he's older than…well looks older than you, but…well, you decide." She handed the picture to Angel. “Here. I'll get the light," moving to get up.

"No need,” he said, accepting the photo.

“You can see that?” asked Katie, amazed.

“I can see just fine. Good night vision," he said absently, mesmerized by the photo. Three people stood smiling in an airport. Angel was sure one of them was his grandfather. He turned the photo over to read the back. ‘ _ Mom, me and Mac Gillicat at LAX.’ _

__

_ Gillicat…  _ Angel's conversation with Keith the previous day replayed.  **_Gilli…a bastardization, probably of Giolla which denotes a servant…_ ** _ You see, family names in Ireland are taken from the strongest person in the family.  _ Angel knew there was something important about this, but Katie was still talking. "Excuse me. What did ye say?"

"He said Mac was a family name. Seems that the oldest son of the oldest son was always named Mac or Malcolm or something like that."

"Mac means 'son of'," Angel said absently, still trying to pin down the elusive but important idea that was flitting around his mind. "The state of Georgia was a penal colony for anyone committin’ lesser crimes in the British Empire. During the famines, many Irish were sent there for stealing back the food they grew from their own sweat, which the landlords demanded in taxes. English justice was swift. Ye'd be caught, tried and shipped away, often before yer family even missed you. So anyone who actually survived long enough to have a family there must ‘ave been pretty strong."

There. The pieces settled into place.

_ The picture. _

__

_ The blood test. _

__

_ The name. _

__

_ Gilli…cat…Giolla…Caitlin… _ His mind whirled. Oh Caitlin... his soul roared in mourning.  _ Is that what happened to you? Is that why you were banished instead of hanged? Oh god, forgive me again for what I did to you. _

"You okay?" Katie asked, breaking into Angel’s grief. He had suddenly shifted from being wonderfully easy to speak with to very far away.

"No. I think I've overdone it," once again using the healing injury to buy him time to regroup.

"Well, come on." Katie went to help Angel, but he pulled away.

"Thanks, but I'm not that out of it yet."

“Then the least I can do is walk you to your room,” she insisted. Together they walked to his suite in silence. When Angel pulled his key card from his pocket, Katie sighed. “I should go find my mom.”

“Not up for another tongue-lashin’?” said Angel, fully understanding her reluctance to see Keith.

“At least not from the same person. The day’s almost over. I figure I owe Mom her shot.” Katie started to walk away, but turned back. She stood slightly on her toes as she reached up to kiss his cheek. “Thanks.”

Angel indulged his wildfire feelings by impulsively hugging her. “My pleasure. Any time.” Before she could see it, he blinked away the tear that bubbled up when she hugged him back.

“See ye tomorrow?”

“Count on it,” his voice somehow normal. Angel returned her smile, hiding the maelstorm of emotions once again whirling in him. He watched her walk down the hall, lush brown hair bouncing merrily.

But instead of entering the suite, Angel once again retreated to the deck down the hall to think. Was it even possible?

The response from the pit of his stomach told him yes. He finally had an answer to a question that annoyed him for so long. And the way he was beginning to feel about it scared and delighted him like nothing ever had.


	23. Chapter 23

Abby picked up a necklace from her safe deposit box at the purser’s desk before going to dinner. After having said her piece on love, she tried to convince Keith to join her, but he’d already had a quick bite. So Abby left the pair alone to brood in silence.

Now completely accessorized, she made her way to the main dining room. She quickly scanned the room, her eyes settling on her target. She was quite pleased to find a vacant seat at the table in the middle of the room. That would work in her favor, sure the woman she sought would not want to make a scene. “Is this seat taken?” asked Abby of the woman feeding the baby.

“No, please join…us.” Buffy’s voice slowed when she realized it was Angel’s ‘friend’.

“Thank you,” said Abby, sitting down with her own unique flourish. “Hello there, little one,” she said in a higher pitched voice, playfully shaking Jeffrey’s foot. He cooed in joyful response. “He’s quite the flirt, isn’t he?”

“Don’t I know it,” said Mollie. “Takes after his father.” She extended her hand. “I’m Mollie Aldrich and that lady killer is Jeffrey.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Abigail Garner,” she said smoothly, her voice indicating the caliber of her breeding. Turning to Buffy, she continued. “I owe you an apology. I’m quite possessive of Angel, for reasons I’m sure you’d understand. It was rude of me to interrupt you like that…”

“Like what?” said Eric, returning from the buffet with Willow. He set a plate down in front of Mollie and took his own seat next to her. “Who’s Angel?”

Abby smiled ferally at Eric. “Not unlike that, actually. I did it with a bit more flare though.”

Buffy’s face turned hard at the memory. And at the way this high-falutin’ blue blooded bitch addressed her son. “You certainly did. I trust you didn’t leave him in worse shape than you found him.”

It only took Willow a moment to see trouble brewing. “I missed something here, didn’t I?”

Abby granted Willow another radiant smile, well practiced from numerous social occasions. “You must be Willow Rosenberg. Angel told me what you did for him.”

“Who’s Angel?” asked Eric again.

Again he was ignored. “And you are?” asked Willow warily.

“This is Abigail Garner,” replied Buffy, her voice all peaches and dangerous cream. “A ‘friend’ of Angel’s.” Her emphasis on ‘friend’ told Willow all she needed to know.

“Who’s Angel?” demanded Eric for the third time, really starting to get testy.

Abby started to explain. “Angel’s an…”

Buffy cut her off quickly. “You’ve read about that guy who started all the runaway shelters. Well, that’s him.” Buffy leveled a glance at Abby.

Abby immediately understood, easily providing an alternate explanation. “And I’m one of his patrons. As I said earlier, I’m quite possessive of Angel, so when I see fans monopolizing what little vacation time he has, I tend to get a little territorial.”

“It worked,” said Buffy tersely, not appreciating the woman’s help. One favorable gesture did not even the score.

“Oh…I get it,” said Mollie knowingly.

“What?” asked Buffy warily. She knew how sharp her daughter-in-law was.

“You were picking his brain about Katie, weren’t you?”

“What?” Buffy croaked again.

“Oh come on, Mom, I know what’s up with Katie. You’ve both been scarce all day. You were talking to him about her, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what? You just can’t stand that she could get lost for a whole day in a finite amount of space. Face it, she’s your kid,” continued Mollie. “She’ll be found when she wants to be found.”

“I suppose you’re right,” said Buffy, resigned.

“Of course I’m right. Besides, she’s not the first kid who’s ever pulled this.”

Willow and Buffy were speechless at Mollie’s intuition. Eric wasn’t that fast. “What’d she do?”

“Oh come on, Eric, even you can’t be that blind!” Willow and Buffy held their breath, dumbfounded that Buffy’s life secret would be revealed now, of all times. Mollie made a big show of whispering to Eric. “Katie snuck out last night to meet a boy!” she crowed smugly.

While Buffy and Willow breathed a sigh of relief, Abby kept the charade going. “It seems the ‘boy’ in question is Angel’s assistant. So you see, I’m quite sorry I came barging in like that before you talked to him about everything you wanted to,” said Abby.

Buffy read the sincerity in her eyes. “It’s okay,” she said grudgingly. If the wench could be gracious, so could she. “I’m sure we can pick up where we left off after dinner. I just wish Katie would realize how worried I am about her.”

“I think I do,” said Katie, appearing out of nowhere.  _ It must be genetic _ , thought Buffy, as she stood up and hugged her youngest. She looked tired and worn, but emotionally stable. “You okay?” saying more with looks than words.

“I’m better,” the newest Slayer nodded. “Actually, I just spoke with Angel. He found me in the library.”

“How’d he do that?” asked Eric. “I’ve never been able to sneak up on you.”

Willow chuckled. “It’s Angel’s specialty.”

“You know him too?” asked Mollie.

“Yeah,” said Willow, covering quickly. “I donate to ‘ Guardian Angel’  too. Anyway, I think you two should go talk. Shoo. Away please.”

Buffy smiled sweetly at Willow. “Thanks. If you’ll excuse us, my daughter and I have a dress to discuss,” using the more mundane infraction as an excuse. “Don’t we?”

Katie rolled her eyes. She’d hoped her mother had forgotten about that in all the commotion. “Yes, mom…” she sighed. Buffy frogmarched her daughter out of the dining room with her mother’s hand squarely on her shoulders.

Willow laughed at the image. “Well that crisis seems to be nearing completion…” she finished just as she heard her name echo around the room. “And another is beginning. Excuse me.” She answered the page in the lounge, where the nearest phone was. “This is Dr. Rosenberg,” she spoke into the receiver. It was Giles, with the report she’d been awaiting. After he confirmed her suspicions, she hung up flabbergasted. “Holy fuck…” she muttered under her breath.

“That bad?” asked Abby, standing before her. “I’m sorry to eavesdrop, but I wanted to thank you. Angel told me what you did for him last night. But I gathered that not everyone knows about Buffy and Katie’s…abilities,” she finished tactfully.

Willow looked at the stylish woman in front of her, sizing her up. “No,” she said warily. “But you do…” she led.

“Yes. And I know about Angel too. We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Have you now?” said Willow, remembering Buffy’s earlier hint, not knowing what THAT said about the condition of his curse.

“Well, we haven’t been friends in the biblical sense for many years, unfortunately,” she said with regret. “But Angel came to love me enough to move me into the dangerous category. I’m grateful for his friendship, though I’m not sure what I did to deserve it.”

“Mmmm, well,” muttered Willow. “If we all got what we deserved, this world would be a much different place, now wouldn’t it?”

“Yes it would,” agreed Abby. She then had a wonderful thought along those same lines. “Angel mentioned you were…shall we say, quite talented.”

“I guess so. Why?”

“You don’t happen to have a spell to make a certain ex-husband’s…umm…appendage, say, misfire on a key word? Like say, ’computer’?”

Willow laughed. “Sorry, can’t help you. Turned down that offer to be a vengeance demon a lifetime ago,” she said snapping her fingers at the missed opportunity.

Abby shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt to ask. Well, I’ll take my leave of you.”

“Actually, why don’t you join me?” Willow gestured to the chair beside her. Curiosity about who Angel spent his time with got the better of her. Plus Buffy would shoot her if she passed up the opportunity to find out more about Abigail Garner. What she had to tell Buffy and Angel could wait until Buffy talked to Katie and Angel got his strength back. One shocker at a time.

“Thank you. You’re very kind.” Abby sat, crossing one long leg over the other, fabric falling away to reveal the long expanse of shapely flesh. If she saw the looks she got from several men at the thrill she gave them, she never acknowledged it. “I wouldn’t have thought you would ask. I haven’t exactly made the best impression on your friend.”

“No, I gathered that. But Angel must trust you, if you know what he is. And you must trust him if you’ve known him this long knowing what he is.”

“I do. Trust him. He’s quite a dear friend. He’s been very off that last couple of days. Almost…well…emotional,” she tried to describe.

“Still? Hmmmm,” murmured Willow in deep thought.  _ I wonder if that’s because of Buffy or because of the operation?  _ Then she noticed Abby looking at her. “What?” she asked self consciously.

“Please tell me the truth,” Abby pleaded. “Is he all right? I know he was hurt badly, but…”

“No, he’s fine,” Willow assured her. “Better than I suspect he’s been in a very long while.”


	24. Chapter 24

Angel was contemplating his new status when he heard light footfalls on the outside deck near his suite where he had met Buffy the night before. Turning, he saw her looking relieved. That could only mean one thing.

“Ye found Kathleen?” he asked.

She nodded, tiredly. “We had a good talk. After she was ready to be found. I’m told you had something to do with that. Thank you,” she said graciously.

“It’s the least I could do.” He turned back into the rail, looking over the vast black ocean. “Yet another column I’m badly behind in. It’s a good thing I stopped trying to catch the Shanshu prophecy a long time ago ‘cause there’s really no way I would have made it with the deck stacked against me like this...” he lamented.

“What?” asked Buffy innocently, unaware of the tidal wave coming her way. “And can we please go inside? It’s a bit cold…”

"There's hardly a day goes by that I don't meet an unloved child,” Angel cut her off. She knew something was terribly wrong from his posture, the tension in his shoulders, his back ramrod straight. As she stepped beside him, he began to speak softly to the stars. “Oh, they argue with m’ up one wall an’ down the other that at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, they aren't children. But they really are. Sure, parts of them grew up faster than they shoulda, but at the expense of other parts. They don't realize ye don't reach maturity until ye become whole. It's only then that ye can handle whatever the world throws at you without it destroyin’ yer soul in the process."

"So I try to cram a decade’s worth of life's lessons into the weeks these children are in m’ care, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I can teach’m a little somethin’. So they can claim for themselves what their parents shoulda given them." His voice turned hard and grim. "I HATE these people I've never seen for physically hurtin’ and emotionally maimin’ their own flesh 'n blood.”

He spoke with an intensity Buffy had never heard before, even when they fought. It scared her into remaining silent.

“And I resent them,” he spat, “for throwin’ away the precious gift of parenthood. And I take comfort that of all the sins I committed, that somehow by some fortune I didn’t deserve, that sin is one I didn’t commit."

Buffy’s blood ran cold before he spoke the words she knew he would. "But I did." Angel turned around and leveled a steely gaze at Buffy. "Didn’t I?" His words were more of a statement than anything else.

Buffy stood there frozen, unable to say anything. This went way beyond what she expected to encounter.

He grabbed her suddenly, his fury boiling over. “Didn’t I?”

“I…I don’t know for sure. Mac traced back, but…”

“Tell me, damn it!” He shook her furiously, determined to rattle confirmation out of her. “Didn’t I?”

“Yes,” she cried, more shocked than physically hurt. “Yes!”

“How?” he demanded.

“I don’t know.” She cringed in his grasp. “Church records are sketchy in Ireland,” she babbled, trying to explain, now that he knew. “We know when Caitlin came from Galway, but we don’t know how long the voyage was or when…”

“That’s not what I meant.” He released her abruptly, tossing her toward the rail. “I’ve been a PI long enough to put two an’ two together, especially when it’s shoved in front of me. And it’s all right there in Katie’s name.” He paced into the deck, then whirled around at her. “How ‘bout an explanation? Who do ye think ye are?”

Buffy pulled herself up on the rail, afraid to move further. “I’m sor…”

“What is this? Some kind of new torment ye cooked up just for me?”

“I didn’t want to…”

“What are we playing here?”

“We’re not,” Buffy scrambled toward him. “We’re not playing anything. I wrestled with this decision,” she pleaded.

“Which ye made without me,” he replied accusingly.

“I tried to do what I thought was right. It’s complicated how all this happened, Angel. You know, it’s kinda a long story.”

“Ye got on the Internet, found one of m’ descendants and got from him what ye couldn’t get from me?”

“Okay, maybe not that long,” she conceded.

“Ye didn’t feel that I was important enough t’ tell me.” Angel simply shook his head. For all they’d been through, he never would have believed she’d keep something like this from him.

“I’m trying to explain,” she said, desperation taking over her voice. “It’s because I thought you were important that I didn’t tell you.” Once again, the feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed Buffy, but she couldn’t focus on it as Angel renewed his barrage.

“Buffy, why?” Lost in his own emotions, he didn’t hear her last words. “This is about MY family. Ye didn’t have the right t’ keep this from me. I had a right t’ know.”

The defining parts of her called ‘mother’ and ‘Slayer’ snapped. “I had a duty to keep you from finishing the job!” she threw back at him. Angel’s eyes grew wide, his jaw worked as he processed the blow. She drove her point home as effectively as she wielded her stakes. “You think I don’t know how badly you would have wanted Katie? Believe me, I know. I know the kind of joy she brings. But did it ever occur to you what that joy would have done to you? You ever think about that? What that would do to your soul?”

Angel’s temper flared again. Flared at the accuracy of her words, his own helplessness at the situation, his sorrow for his offspring’s plight and most of all, the fact that by speaking the truth aloud, he had to face it. “Ye know, I finally realized why ye’re the oldest livin’ Slayer. Ye don’t play fair. Ye hit below the belt.”

Buffy shrugged unrepentantly. “Kept me alive. Kept my family alive. Which is more than I can say about yours.”

Angel refused to take the bait and make this about his alter ego. “That excuse doesn’t wash. I figured it out and I’m still here,” Angel argued, gesturing toward himself. Somewhere deeply buried, the rational part of Angel’s mind said that Buffy had done the right thing, but at this moment, his anger wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. “Ye can’t run away from the fact that I had a right...”

Now he was really pissing her off. “You have NO right to demand answers.” She’d had enough of his righteousness. “If Angelus isn’t reason enough, let me remind you, you walked away. No, more than that, you PUSHED me away. You wanted no part of living life with me.”

Angel’s eyes widened at the accusation. “Ye think I wanted to walk away?”

“Didn’t you?” Buffy flicked her hair and cocked her head as she prepared for verbal battle. “I mean, for all the times I asked you if we could work it out and for all the times you said we would, when push came to shove, you really did shove. Shoved me right out of your life. Even when you were changed and we had a real chance, just the thought of having to be that way for more than a single day sent you back…”

“Oh and of course that was SO easy t’ do,” he responded sarcastically. “Ye have no idea what ye’re saying, what I gave up, so ye could stay alive.”

“I know exactly what I’m saying. And what you’re saying. And that it’s a goddamn cop out.”

“Cop out?!” he barked incredulously.

“Yeah, cop out. You couldn’t handle actually WORKING at a relationship.”

“I wanted ye to live.” For the second time in two days, he’d been accused of being unable to commit. He didn’t like it one bit.

“Bullshit!” she snorted. “You couldn’t handle the hard work that comes with making a relationship work. ‘Course that shouldn’t surprise me, you are MALE!”

“Ye bitch!”

“What? I’m a bitch because I’ve finally grown up enough to call ’em as I see them?”

“No, ye’re a bitch because ye have absolutely no comprehension of what it means t’ be alone.”

“I have no comprehension? Damn it, Angel, I’ve lived my life alone, or at most second best, because you were too much of a coward…”

“Coward?”

“Yeah, coward.” Buffy stood defiant, hands on her hips. “You think it’s easy to face the boring doldrums of being with the same person day in and day out? It takes the kind of courage you don’t have. It scares the shit out of you. Saving me was such a convenient excuse to justify running away…”

“Ye said ye understood,” Angel replied grimly.

Buffy threw her hands in the air. “What was I gonna do? Spend the last minutes before the life I wanted was ripped to shreds arguing with you? So don’t tell me that I don’t understand. You had real memories. All I’ve had was the occasional…” 

Buffy gasped from the bottom of her lungs at the sudden epiphany that her dreams were actually memories, were actually real. She pointed accusations at him. “You, you…we…”

Angel looked at her in awe as he realized what they had been really talking about for the last few moments. “Buffy, ye remember?” asked Angel tentatively. He watched her turn away from him. Angel’s anger dissipated, replaced by fear. “Buffy, please, answer me,” he pleaded.

She did by throwing a stool at his head. He barely ducked in time. “You goddamn son of a bitch! How DARE you have this whole conversation with me knowing that everything, EVERYTHING, could have been different!”

“I did what I thought was best,” he spoke quietly.

“So did I.” She glared at him and strode angrily back inside the ship.


	25. Chapter 25

Angel just started walking after Buffy left him. His thoughts were in a jumble and his emotions roiled in his guts. He wanted nothing more than to work off this edginess, but that would mean finding a sparring partner at this hour. The ship’s gym definitely lacked in the way of solitary equipment. Since waking Keith wasn’t an option Angel cared to take, he decided to try walking it off.

However, the ship was only so large. Eventually he found himself at the lounge.

_ When all else fails, try Doyle’s approach. _ He took a seat at the far end of the bar, with a clear view of the hockey game on the monitor. He didn’t give the bartender a chance to ask him what he wanted. “Scotch. Neat.”

“My goodness, I had the distinct impression that your talk with Katie went well,” drawled Abby, sidling up beside him. She had remained at the lounge even though Willow left fifteen minutes before. They had had a nice conversation, trading innocuous information, each gauging the other’s integrity. Abby talked about how she met Angel through ‘GUARDIAN ANGEL’ and Willow related a few of adventures the Scooby Gang had had back in high school. So Abby had a few new things she wanted to ask Angel about.

“I’m not in th’ mood, Abby,” he warned, his eyes never leaving the screen.

“Well that’s never stopped me before.”

“Leave the bottle,” he ordered the bartender. Angel threw back the drink in a single, experienced move. As he poured, he said, “Ye’ve never seen m’ like this before.”

Abby paused, evaluating the man before her who finished his second drink almost as quickly as he had the first. She watched him pour a third. “Angel, I’m not afraid of you.”

He turned to look at her ominously. “Maybe ye should be.” Then he went back to watching the game, his fingers nervously dancing over the rim of the glass. “After all, the most powerful Slayer in history is afraid of what I might do.”

“Buffy?”

“Yes, Buffy,” he retorted shortly.

“Well, why don’t you tell me about it?”

“Abby, I don want t’ share,” he said, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I don want t’ process. The only thin’ I want right now is t’ have this bottle finished by the time the game is over.” With that, he tossed back the third scotch in as many minutes.

“That’s not going to solve anything,” Abby cautioned quietly. “In the morning, you’ll still remember.”

“Quite true. I don’t think I’ll forget I never knew my son.”

***********************

“WHAT?” croaked Willow, nearly falling off her bed.

“I’m pretty sure Angel had a son.” Buffy’s tear stained face nodded confirmation. She sat on the spare bed in Willow’s cabin, curled up in a ball against the headboard. “Or at least as sure as I can be without a blood test.”

“We have a blood test,” murmured Willow dumbfounded.

“What?” It was Buffy’s turn to croak.

“I did a blood test on Angel this afternoon.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to see how vampires processed blood. There’re all kinds of theories out there. I was expecting the genometer to show either you or nothing. But I got Katie as a match.”

“Oh god,” Buffy sobbed. “Then it really is true. They’re never going to forgive me.” Buffy curled up even tighter. “You’re never going to forgive. And neither will Katie,” she sniveled, ”or…or…or Mac.” Buffy’d been holding it together for the past two days, but this confirmation about Angel brought her to the breaking point.

Now that the initial shock was wearing off, Willow had to concede she was none too happy that Buffy had kept this tidbit from her. But it was obvious she didn’t need Willow on top of all this right now. Willow leaned to brush Buffy’s hair from her forehead. “Ssssh,” she said, crawling beside her best friend to comfort her. “Surely, it can’t be that bad.”

********************

“She kept it from me,” Angel said angrily. “I knew she was hidin’ something from me.”

Abby was well acquainted with the Irish drinking stereotype, but the volume of alcohol Angel consumed in the last twenty minutes was staggering. That alone proved Angel really needed a friend, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Abby’s only hope to find out what was going on was to wait him out and hope alcohol had the same effect on Angel as it did on so many other men. Patience wasn’t her strong suit, but after he’d dropped that bomb, there wasn’t anything that was going to tear her away from his side.

Sure enough, the scotch had its effect. Angel started to get talkative now that half the bottle was gone. First, he started making comments about the goalie’s aptitude. Then he started complaining about the quality of the scotch. Which was funny considering he wouldn’t let go of the bottle.

“Did Buffy say why?” Abby gently prodded.

“No, not Buffy,” Angel shook his head, taking a sip. “Though she did, dinna she?”

“Who then,” asked Abby, supremely curious and infinitely glad he’d slowed down a bit.

********************

"Mac traced his…his family back to Caitlin when she first arrived in..in Savannah in 1757," Buffy hicupped trying to get a grip. She had finally calmed down enough to give Willow the explanation she deserved.

Willow nodded in encouragement. “That’s what brought him into the chat room in the first place, right? He was chasing down his genealogy and wanted to find out more about vampiric reproduction. I remember we had a good laugh about the fact that he thought he was descended from vampires.”

“And how I had to set him straight. Cause we know vampires can’t have little vampires,” Buffy said bitterly.

*********************

“The thin’ of it is it never occurred t’ me that she could be pregnant.” Angel talked more into his glass than to Abby. “She was safe."

"Safe?" asked Abby. She immediately regretted interrupting him, afraid that he’d stop. Luckily, he didn’t.

Hazy eyes looked up at her, almost puzzled that she didn’t understand. "Barren,” he explained. “Or so everyone thought. She and her husband ‘ad no children and at that point in time the only reason ye dinna have them was because ye couldn't. Of course we know now that fertility is not solely a woman's problem. But then…" Angel shrugged.

*********************

“Angel knew Katie’s full name,” Buffy said abruptly. Angel might have been the PI, but she’d figured out just as many mysteries as he had. And things still didn’t add up. “He didn’t mention the blood test. He said all he needed to know was in her name.”

*********************

"Caitlin helped out my grandfather in his elder years," he said fondly.

“So Katie’s named after her?” Abby muttered a silent prayer to whatever higher power had helped lure Angel away from the bar to the privacy of a booth. No one else needed to hear more of their conversation.

“Mmm,” he murmured. He sat back and relaxed into the corner of the booth’s bench. “After a fashion. The spelling’s not the same, I’m sure, but it’s still quite similar. It’s become a T-H, instead of a C-H. So Katie is Kathleen, instead of ‘Caatch-leen’, which is actually spelled C-a-i-t-l-i-n.” he said, his brogue thickening with the Gaelic pronunciation.

Abby was about to ask him what Buffy had to say about all this, but he continued. She wasn’t about to interrupt him if he was on a roll.

"We grew up t’gether,” he continued. “Caitlin was a few years older than me. She was quite independent which really appealed t’ me. When her husband died, she had no desire to get pushed int’ another marriage. She suggested that she’d care for m’ grandfather's house and farm. Instead of wages, he'd let ‘er live in the small cottage on the property and keep ‘er stock with ‘is. It worked out well for both of them."

"And for me,” he said bluntly. “Caitlin wasn't particularly pretty, but she had a laugh that would light up ‘er eyes.” Angel’s own eyes took on a far away look as he became engrossed in his lover’s memory. “She had a mind that was wasted on the drudgery ‘er class was relegated t’. She was fun. And there was no need t’ worry about bastards, not that I did anyway," he shrugged.

"I saw ‘er once after the change. It was early one morning about six weeks after my family found m’ dead in the alley. Darla had been teachin’ m’ the finer points of creating terror and I wanted t’ get even with the town I saw as holding m’ back. I had t’ start somewhere and my grandfather was an easy target, being relatively old and wealthy. I snapped his neck, left him t’ rot on the floor,” winced Angel, anguish in his features at what he had done so long ago, “and proceeded t’ ransack the house. I remember bein’ disappointed because I thought he ‘ad more gold.

"I dinna count on the pregnant mare in labor. Caitlin came int’ the house t’ report on the birth, only to find me. Startled, she screamed. She stared for a moment, then approached hesitantly. Needless t’ say I saw the opportunity for breakfast. I held my arms open, she rushed int’ them, kissed me and held me. It was perfect.

"But like I said before, Caitlin was pretty bright.” Admiration shone in his eyes. “As I leaned over t’ ‘nuzzle’ ‘er neck, she stomped on m’ foot. She had seen my grandfather over m’ shoulder. The next thing I knew an iron skillet connected with m’ head.

“Caitlin ran t’ the barn, I followed. She tried to seat a horse, but ‘er skirts hindered ‘er. I caught ‘er, but now I was mad. We might have grown up t’gether, but we were not of the same class. I was offended that she would raise a ‘and t’ me. I intended to make ‘er pay for it, but I ‘eard a rooster crow. With no time left, I told ‘er I looked forward to seein’ ‘er swing from the gallows the next evenin’ for murder. I backhanded ‘er and left ‘er unconscious body in m’ grandfather's bed.

Angel went to pour another glass, but found the bottle empty. "Just as well, I suppose.” He tried to shift his focus from the bottle to Abby, but it took a moment. “Where was I? Oh, yes.” He took a breath he didn’t need to live, but one needed to cleanse. “So the next night I went to the square with Darla, quite proud of the impendin’ show I’d arranged. When no one appeared, I thought they had yet t’ be discovered. We went t’ a nearby pub to mark that evening’s prey, only t’ find out what really happened. They put Caitlin on the ship bound for the penal colony shortly after Grandfather had been discovered. Darla took the opportunity as an example in plannin’, set-up and follow-through.

Angel put his tongue in this cheek thoughtfully. "I always wondered how she convinced them not t’ hang her. Now I know,” he said dully.

********************

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Willow asked as gently as she could.

“I couldn’t risk it.”

Willow was hurt deeply and it showed. “I think I can understand a little of how Angel must feel.”

“Please, Will, I need you to understand. I don’t think I can get through this without you,” she begged.

“Buffy, you didn’t have to go through ANY of this without me. We’ve kept each other’s secrets for years,” the witch said sadly.

“I know, I know. But I was taking a big enough risk as it was. If Angel ever found out…well, I was afraid of what he might do to you if he changed. I know he’d come after you, like last time, ‘cause he’d know you could fix him. But he’d also think you’d know more about Katie and would try to get it out of you.” Her words hung thickly in the room. “I needed to make sure I bought as much time as I could, just in case he ever did find out.”

“Buffy, is he….” Willow asked terrified as this new thought took hold. She remembered Giles torture at Angelus’ hands so long ago.

“No,” Buffy patted her best friend’s knee, “Angelus is nowhere in sight. You think I would have left if I’d seen any sign? My whole family’s on this ship.” She shook her head in grim determination. “Wasn’t gonna happen. And it didn’t. Which I guess means that whatever joy he might have had about actually having the family he always wanted, there’s enough sorrow to keep him from turning ‘Grrrr’.”

Willow wasn’t so sure about that conclusion.

********************

“So, whatta ye think?” asked Angel, obviously about to forget everything he was escaping since he was close to passing out.

“About what?” Abby just needed to keep him focused a little while longer. She’d managed to slip the waitress a note to call Keith. She hoped he’d be here soon.

“I was stabbed by my great, great, great, great, great, granddaughter. Though I think there’s probably a few more greats in there.” Angel smiled softly, pride apparent. “She’s a Slayer too. Did I tell ye that? Me? Forefather to a Slayer. How’s that for irony?” His smile turned into a big dopey grin. “She hugged m’ earlier.” Then he shared his secret with Abby. “I think she likes m’.”

“Angel, that’s a wonderful beginning…

Angel snorted. “Just because I know about ‘er doesn’t me I’ll be gettin’ t’ know ‘er. I have no illusions about that,” he professed, shaking his head. “Buffy’s never gonna let me near ‘er.”

“You lost me again.”

Angel didn’t hear her. Instead he looked resignedly at Abby. “Ye know, it’s just like a woman to say she’s okay with what ye did and then she turns around and throws it in yer face when it suits ‘er.”

********************

“WHAT?” exclaimed Willow for the umpteenth time that night. The revelations kept getting more and more unbelievable. “Angel was human!”

“Yep,” affirmed Buffy angrily. “Those dreams I keep having. The ones that never go away. The ones in Technicolor.”

“They were real?”

“Yep,” said Buffy again.

“The ice cream?” asked Willow, wide-eyed.

“And the table and the pier and the sewer and the fight.” Buffy took a deep breath, anger fighting sorrow. “Every last one of them. Memories. Not dreams.”

“Holy shit…” said Willow under her breath.

“Tell me about it.”

“So did he tell you what happened?”

“Will, all of a sudden, I knew. We were arguing and it was back to the same thing we always argue about. Why we can’t be together.” Suddenly Buffy was utterly drained and completely resigned. “

“So he kept as much from you as you did from him.”

“So it appears. Will,” she said, looking defeated. “I don’t know how we’re gonna get past this.”


	26. Chapter 26

Abby almost knocked on Willow’s nose when she opened the door. “Oh hello,” she said casually.

Abby laughed. “Sorry about that.”

The redhead stepped out into the hall, closing the door quietly behind her. “S’okay. What can I do for you?” asked Willow. But as soon as the words left her lips, she knew it had to do with Angel.

“I hope I’m not being too forward, but I was wondering…”

“If Buffy said anything to you about the talk she had with Angel last night?” Willow drew a deep sigh. “Oh yeah,” she said quickly.

“Ah-ha.” Abby searched a moment for the proper words to ask the delicate question.

Willow had no such compunction. “You’re here because you want to know what she said to him?”

“Guilty as charged," Abby smiled ruefully. "I’m not usually this transparent, but I haven’t had much sleep.”

“Like I have?" Willow snorted. "Well, you probably need coffee as badly as I do, so rather than swap notes in the hallway, why don’t we go to breakfast so the waiters can gape?”

Abby laughed in spite of the situation. “I’d like that. It’s so much more civilized.” The physician made it seem as though they would only be talking about something inane like the weather. Abby continued as they walked. “I have to say I’m relieved that you…”

“Brought the subject up first? Well, don’t count on my altruism just yet,” warned Willow. “I’m counting on you to fill in blanks from my side.”

“Fair enough. Though I think we’ll be treading a fine line between helping a friend and betraying a confidence.”

“Pssfftt!” exclaimed Willow as they reached the dining room. She followed Abby to a table in the corner of the room, well away from the buffet. “This whole thing’s getting old. Coffee, please, and orange juice,” she said to the waiter.

“And your usual, Mrs. Garner?” asked the waiter.

“Yes. Thank you, Michael.”

“Hey? How’d you get him to do that?” asked Willow after the waiter left.

“Do what?” responded Abby.

“Get him to remember you. There are hundreds of people on this ship.”

“Ah, but most don’t tip well or tip daily,” responded Abby knowingly. “One of the many advantages of having rich husbands.”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Willow, happily. “There are times I think they’re more trouble than they’re worth.”

“Only at times?” said Abby, only half playfully.

“Spoken like a woman who has experience.”

“Yes, I’ve had three of them,” Abby said with resignation. "I’m going to get rid of the latest when I get back to Miami."

“You don’t sound quite so happy about that.”

“No, I’m not.” Abby sighed and spoke the words that had so much power over her of late. “Because he’s really getting rid of me.”

“I’m sorry,” said Willow with genuine regret for the socialite’s loss.

“I am too. I like being married. Especially to him. I really thought this one would last. I really loved him.”

“Not to sound like an old song, but sometimes love isn’t enough.

“And sometimes it’s too much?” Abby looked up to see Michael return with Willow’s coffee and OJ along with her Earl Grey and a decanter of hot water. Unsurprisingly, he served Abby first. Apparently he had been inspired because he set down a lovely tray of pastries and croissants they hadn’t asked for. “That’s quite thoughtful, Michael. Thank you.” When he left, she continued her previous thought. “Is that what happened with Buffy and Angel? Too much feeling?”

Willow pondered the question and the platter for a moment. “It was more like Angel’s baggage was too much,” she said, choosing a croissant and cheese pastry.

“The curse?”

“The curse,” confirmed Willow resignedly. “And now that I’ve gotten a handle on that, all this other crap comes their way. They just can’t get a break.”

“Pardon me? I think I missed something,” asked Abby as she set the decanter down.

“I really shouldn’t be telling you this because of doctor/patient confidentiality, but," Willow blew out a breath, making a decision, "I am getting sick and tired of all this angst.” The witch had shared yet another one of a million ‘Can-you-believe-what-Angel-did’ nights with Buffy. Who was sleeping it off in WILLOW’s room. Since discovering Angel on board two nights ago, Buffy wasn’t the only one who had been through the wringer.

Except that Buffy wasn’t in any shape to return the comfort favor. It wasn’t the first time Willow missed Xander’s witty commentary and support. She was about to find out what kind of substitute Abby was. “I did more than just sew Angel up the other night.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You know that call I got yesterday? While we were in the lounge?”

“The one with the expletive?”

“The one with the expletive. I got confirmation that I really did put Angel’s soul back where it belonged.”

“Angel said something about that in passing. I thought it was significant, but he just glossed over it, wasn’t clear on exactly how it happened. So I didn’t push. It is important, isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh, and the how’s not important. What is though is that we don’t think Angel’s going to lose his soul again, at least not by any ordinary means.”

“Sounds like he installed a security system or something,” grinned Abby. Then she turned serious. “Are you sure?” asked Abby carefully, not wanting to doubt the doctor’s diagnosis, but knowing well that doctors can be wrong.

“Oh believe me,” scoffed Willow. “I’m sure. But that’s why I didn’t say anything until a friend in England did some research. And Giles says it is possible to do what I did.”

“Well, then is your friend sure?”

“He wouldn’t tell me this if he wasn’t one-hundred percent sure. He knows better than anyone what kind of a brutal bastard Angelus is. He wouldn't take any chances on being wrong. None of us would on that front. And we know how much is riding on being right.”

Abby wasn’t sure she wanted to know how they ‘knew better’, so she confirmed the landmark information. “So this means that Angel can be happy and he won’t lose his soul?”

Willow nodded. “At least not by any means we already know about. And we know a few.” She put two creams in her coffee and continued. “I expect it won’t be long before he gets back into the full range of his emotions.”

“Well that explains the bender,” mused Abby

“Bender?”

Abby let out a sigh. “Angel uncharacteristically indulged last night.”

“Oh great! I do all that work and he goes and pickles himself? Though after the bomb Buffy dropped on him, it would drive any sane person to drink. ‘Course I’m surprised that Buffy didn’t go on one herself.”

“See, now this is why I came to you. As you might guess, I don’t think I’m Buffy’s favorite person.”

“Ah, no,” Willow confirmed. "I’d have to agree with you there.”

“Well, I’m not exactly thrilled with her.” After Keith dumped Angel in bed, he demanded to know exactly what happened. She told him some, but didn’t feel it was her place to divulge everything she’d learned from the incapacitated Angel. If he wanted Keith to know, Angel would tell him. But it also didn’t mean that she couldn’t do a little detective work on her own as to what Angel DIDN’T tell her about this woman who twisted him in knots. Abby had been married enough to know that there were two sides to every story. And for as much as Abby didn’t appreciate the snit the petite blond put Angel in, Abby was just as sure he had done something STUPID to contribute. She was hoping she’d be able to piece together the whole story with Willow, so she might find out some way to help them through this. Because it was blatantly obvious Angel was nuts about Buffy. More than Abby’d ever seen him. About anyone. Ever. From Buffy’s look and reaction to her yesterday, Abby had no doubt that even after thirty years, the feeling was mutual.

“I’m not thrilled with Buffy at the moment either.” Willow rushed to defend Abby's questioning look. “But I understand her reasons.”

“She didn’t tell you about her daughter’s relationship to Angel, then,” guessed Abby. “Interesting.”

“She had her reasons,” repeated Willow.

The fact that Buffy hadn’t told her best friend about Angel’s son gave credence to Angel’s fury. Still, she was on a mission for the whole truth, so Abby forged on. “Angel said that she was afraid of him.”

“Of Angelus,” she corrected.

“It couldn’t be that bad.”

“Didn’t we just discuss this already?” Willow shrugged.

“Sort of, but not completely.” Abby’s sense of curiosity won out over her desire for blissful ignorance about Angel’s past.

“Okay, for the record, yes, it could be and was THAT bad,” answered Willow simply, not wanting to rehash ancient history. “Did you know Angelus is motivated by an entirely different love of family?”

“In what way?”

“To put it bluntly, he loves the way they taste.” She watched Abigail’s eyes grow wide. “Which is why she didn’t tell me.”

“But you’re her best friend?” Abby pushed.

“For most of our lives. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s the Slayer and I’m only a witch that can call his soul back.” Willow finished her orange juice. She buttered the croissant as she continued. “There are things that she has to do that nobody else can. But Angel isn’t one of them. But she didn’t know that because she didn’t bother to ask. I’ve learned a couple of ways to deal with that demon. Packed them away for a rainy day.” Willow realized she was rambling. “Well, anyway, Buffy didn’t have to carry this alone. Or as long.”

“That’s what makes this worse. Angel would NEVER have hurt Katie,” assured Abby.

“No, but Angelus would,” said Willow pointedly, since Abby still wasn’t willing to accept the connection.

“But he didn’t.”

“Only because I fixed him before he found out.”

Abby stared at Willow. Then she said the only thing she could. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” confirmed Willow. She threw up her hands. “Who knows what would have happened before Wednesday.”

“That would have killed Angel,” agreed Abby with complete surety.

“Assuming we’d be able to get him back. And assuming he wasn’t able to actually harm anyone in the interim. I’m pretty sure Buffy wouldn’t let him play her the way he did last time. This time, she had family at risk.”

Abby blew on her tea thoughtfully. The two women sat in silence, one sipping tea, the other nibbling on a croissant. After a time, Abby spoke. “Angel really doesn’t have any reason to be angry.”

“Well, I didn’t say that either,” conceded Willow after quickly swallowing. “But it’s not MY relationship.” She made a ‘hands-off’ gesture. “They can work it out. Besides, Buffy has her own reasons for being angry.”

“Because he blasted her?”

“Because of his damn 18th century double standard. Because he keeps making decisions that affect her life without giving her a say.”

“Like?”

“He blasts her for keeping secrets when he keeps his own.”

Abby stated the obvious. “We all have secrets.”

“But being human…that’s not exactly in the same class as singing Barry Manilow in the shower.”

“Once again, to point out the obvious, most vampires start out human…”

“But most vampires don’t become human again and then elect to turn back into a vampire so he can keep his little woman who happens to be a slayer safe!”

“You’re kidding?” she exclaimed. So this was Angel's stupid contribution to the mess!

“NOPE! He conveniently forgot to tell you about that tidbit, did he?” Willow went on to explain. “Seems as though the condition for reversing his ‘human condition’ was that the day was repeated. ‘Do over!’ Everyone got to live that day over again. But wouldn’t ya know it! Buffy’s been having dreams for years about Angel being human. Same ones, over and over.” She nudged Abby and raised her eyebrows. “Some were pretty steamy.”

“How can any dream about Angel NOT be steamy?”

Willow howled in spite of the serious conversation. Several other cruise patrons looked her way at the outburst. She cleared her throat and regained her composure. “Well, um, I understand your point. Anyway, Buffy remembered last night that they were real. They really happened almost thirty years ago.”

“How?”

“You know, you have quite a varied vocabulary. ‘Like’. ‘How’,” teased Willow.

Abby had a definite liking for this woman from Angel’s past. It made Abby think that if she was getting along this well with Willow, then perhaps she would have gotten along just as well with Buffy, had they been introduced properly. She gave the playful jibing right back to the witch. “Well, when one word will do, why waste many?”

Willow laughed. “True. Anyway, I’m not sure of the actual details. I don’t think she stuck around too long to discuss it. When she showed up at my door last night, she was a mess.”

“Probably about the same time, I found him diving into a bottle of scotch. Oh, what kind of affect is this going to have on him?”

“Good question. I don’t know how long it takes vampires to get over a hangover.”

“No, I mean after the surgery.”

“Oh that. Well if I have to be honest, I think he’s pretty well out of the woods. I’m sure this didn’t exactly help matters, but he should be fine. I’m not too worried about him yet. At least not physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Aw hell, you know what? I’m just plain old tired of picking up the pieces when they fight.” Abby couldn’t get a word in edgewise as Willow’s rant picked up steam. She talked quickly, shaking her head as if to punctuate her point. “Thirty years go by and it’s like he never even left. Except for the fact that Katie’s here. Which adds a whole other dimension to get angsty about.”

“So this is normal?”

“For them, it is. First they’re together. Then they’re apart. ‘Oooh, it’s for your own good.’ ‘This is my battle.’ “ Willow shook her hands for emphasis, her voice higher the more agitated she became. “I’m getting damn tired of it. Especially now that they can actually work through ALL of it.”

“What do you mean? All of it.”

“In case you didn’t notice, they have sexual tension that would make Antony and Cleopatra jealous.”

“Oh that was impossible to miss just the few moments I watched Buffy babble at him.”

“And I’ve been watching it for, like, thirty five years!” Willow’s exasperation made her voice squeak. “She says she’s over him, but she can’t stop dreaming. Screws up one relationship after another cause she can’t let go. Will she ever admit it? Of course not!

By this time, Willow was really wound up. “Then, then she hooks up with Mac. You’d think with all I’ve seen of them that I would have realized she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant again just because she missed hauling a diaper bag.” Willow flashed her resolve face at Abby. “I’m getting too old for this crap. They have got to settle this once and for all.” It faded as quickly as it came. “The problem is they’ve both gotten more stubborn with age. I can just see them leaving the ship without talking to each other.”

“Well, I’m not quite as tired of this as you are,” said Abby, opening a fresh tea bag. “This is all new to me. Seeing Angel this wound up is quite enlightening.” She began to chuckle.

“What?” asked Willow at the inappropriate sound of laughter at their predicament.

“Too bad we can’t turn the tables on Angel. Sounds like he needs a dose of his own medicine.”

“What have you got in mind?” inquired Willow definitely intrigued. She was beginning to realize the devious mind Abigail Garner had.

“Well, when two people at GUARDIAN ANGEL can’t get along in spite of our best efforts, we take a cue from the oldest trick in the book.” Abby’s eyes gleamed. “We lock them in a room with each other until they work it out.”

“Oh Abigail, that’s brilliant!” Willow’s eyes shone in anticipation. “That’s EXACTLY what we’re gonna do!”

“I hope I get to help since I thought of it,” drawled Abby.

“I’m counting on it. Okay, here’s what I think we should do….”

They were still talking three hours later when Katie arrived at lunch. “Well, I found one,” said Katie, appropriating a vacant chair. “Pardon me for interrupting. Looks like a pretty serious topic, whatever it is.”

“We’re just about done here,” winked Willow at Abby, who smiled in agreement. She reached over to hug the teen. “How’s my favorite goddaughter doing this morning?”

“Your ONLY goddaughter is just fine,” replied Katie warmly. “You seen Mom?”

“She stayed with me last night.”

“Let me guess. You had one of your all night talkathons.”

“You heard?” asked Willow, suddenly alarmed that Katie might know everything. Buffy and Willow’s staterooms were next to each other and with Katie’s enhanced Slayer hearing….

“Nah, I heard the door shut about two last night. I vaguely remember thinking that Mom must have decided to stay with you, since it wasn’t our door being used. So Mom’s probably still asleep.”

“Entirely possible. She does that well,” said Willow.

“And not enough. I’m glad she’s catching up on it.”

“Especially after the last two days,” contributed Abby.

“You know?” asked Katie warily. She felt uncomfortable around the striking woman she met last night. Katie had a distinct feeling she was evaluating her. Like she was looking for something.

“I know," said Abby, suddenly aware that she had been staring at Angel's progeny. Not knowing what the girl knew, Abby decided to be discreet, but start establishing a repair. "I’m just happy Angel is okay. Probably still asleep himself.”

“He looked a little peaked last night after we talked.”

“No doubt,” said Abby, with a bemused grin. Willow joined her.

Katie looked at them puzzled. “Well, if he’s not feeling well, we should do something to help.”

Willow patted her hand. “Angel will be fine once he gets some rest.”

“Okay…if you say so.”

“I say so,” said Willow. “Well, I know what I’m doing for the last day of our cruise. What about you?”

“I think I may try to catch the last movie,” said Katie, wondering if Angel liked movies. She’d probably run into Keith if she stopped by to ask him. Katie shook her head determinedly as she headed to the lunch buffet with Abigail and Willow. Checking up on Angel was more important.


	27. Chapter 27

Keith pounded on the video game controls ferociously, but quietly. His character swung his sword to take out three ninja warriors in one stroke, ending the seventeenth level. The intermission commenced while the game loaded the next level, giving Keith time to return to his morbid thoughts.

Keith’d never been more worried about anyone than he was at this very moment about Angel. Together, they slew demons, fought the forces of darkness and faced their fair share tight spots. It wasn’t pleasant, but Keith knew that whatever force attacked them, they could beat it.

Well, if it was a force that attacked from withOUT. From withIN, well that apparently was a completely different story. Keith mentally cursed Odysseus for coming up with the Trojan Horse. A tactic women learned well.

_ Especially deadly Summers duo. _

Angel couldn’t take much more from them, between being attacked and whatever it was that drove his mentor into last night’s stupor. GUARDIAN ANGEL’s official position on alcohol was that it was no way to deal with problems. But unofficially, Keith had heard Angel occasionally counsel that sometimes the problem was so inconceivable that one HAD to ‘medicate’ for a while, just to adjust to the enormity of the situation.

As Keith half-carried Angel back to their room, he kept asking Keith why they couldn’t trust each other. Apart or together, why were they always afraid to tell each other the truth?

Even if Angel hadn’t passed out two seconds after he hit the bed, Keith still couldn’t have answered his mentor. He didn’t have the answer. But he wanted it.

Why hadn’t Katie told him the truth?  _ Like mother, like daughter. _ Well, whatever the reason, it didn’t make what she did any less wrong. Trust was a big thing for him. Angel had taught him that there were people in this world he could trust. Keith hadn’t trusted anyone before Angel. Life had kicked him in the teeth too often. Just because he chose to have a positive outlook and jovial personality didn’t mean that Keith was a pushover.

Yet that’s exactly what he was. And Katie was to blame. Katie…Katie and her chocolate eyes and her luscious hair and her soft curves. Every safeguard, every check, every lick of good common sense flew right out the window with the popcorn. Poof, they were gone. Keith trusted her immediately because of their ‘connection’.

Now he just felt used. And taken. This was the first time Keith’d been taken in by girl. Part of the reason he was so nervous in the dating area. Usually girls were people first before they were female. Keith generally categorized people as soon as he met them. Very few people made Keith’s grade.

And for some reason he still couldn’t explain, with Katie, it didn’t matter. He’d thrown away all his good sense on a feeling, a wonderful, amazing, how-could-it-be-this-good feeling. One he really wanted again.

The intensity scared him and the only thing that was making the right decision for him was his anger. At Katie. For playing him. Even though a large mushy part of him wanted to take her in his arms, tell her he understood why she had kept her age a secret and assure her that with something as special as they had, it didn’t matter.

Only it did. And the legal ramifications were only a small part of it.

Keith’d only known Katie three days. Angel had known Buffy for three decades. Keith could only image the knots the mother twisted in his mentor.

The video game beeped indicating it was time to start. Keith picked up the controls and started the game, playing on autopilot as his mind continued to come to some sort of equilibrium.  _ Why was I so anxious to find a girl in the first place?  _ Keith hated what his little voice had to tell him. _ Cause at twenty six, you’re starting to get lonely and starting to wonder if anyone can meet your standards. And when you find her, she’s a Slayer. _

Getting a headache, Keith was glad today was the final day on this overhyped tug boat. He couldn’t wait to go ashore and leave the pair behind. Neither one of them needed those Summers or Gillicut or whatever they were called. Thankfully, Abby’d called a little while ago to leave a message for Angel about some dinner plans. For once, Keith welcomed Abby’s impetuous demand. Only one more night.

Just then, Angel emerged from the bedroom. “How ya doin’, buddy?” he asked, his cheerful tone belying his worry as he paused the video game.

“Don’t talk so loud,” growled Angel as he padded across the living room. As he began to draw relief giving water, he chuckled, then winced.

“What?” asked Keith, trying to keep the concern for anything but Angel’s inevitably aching skull out of his voice.

“Shakin’ my head now isn’t the best thing,” confirmed Angel, “but I can’t help but see the irony of looking for relief at a wet bar.” The vampire toasted Keith, drained the glass and refilled it.

“That works for you?” inquired Keith, trying to keep the conversation light.

“As much as anything does. Whatever it takes t’ move the damned alcohol through me. This is one of the few times I’m glad t’ be a vampire. Hangovers go fast with water.” He finished his second glass. “Course it takes a lot more t’ actually GET drunk.” He filled the glass a third time.

“And something pretty staggering for you to WANT to get drunk,” ventured Keith, hoping that Angel would enlighten him on the binge, curiosity getting the better of him.

Angel looked at the young man appraising what he should tell Keith. He briefly debated shrugging it off, but it felt a little too much like what Buffy did. He looked intently at his glass, fiddling nervously with it. “I found out I had a son last night,” he admitted softly. Then he looked up, sorrow in his eyes. “I never knew. And it probably saved ‘is life.”

Keith simply whistled. There were no other words.

“Yeah,” continued Angel. He sat heavily in a lounge chair. “My feelings exactly. Ye gonna ask me how I found out?”

“As soon as the cat gives me back my tongue.”

Angel chuckled, then winced again. “Ooooo, don’t do that,” he smiled, appreciating Keith’s attempt to bring humor into the situation. He got serious again. “Actually, ye should know.”

“I should? Okay,” Keith said warily.

“I had a long talk with Katie last night,” Angel began.

Keith cut him off. “Damn it! I knew it had something with her,” Keith’s latent anger bubbled to the surface again. “We’ll both be better off when she can just go back to wherever it was she came from,” he exclaimed.

Angel sat quietly, saddened by Keith’s vehemence. “I’m sorry she hurt ye as badly as she did.”

“Me? Angel, she tried to kill you. And nearly succeeded. How can you forgive that?”

Angel looked at his protégé with compassion. “When ye love someone, it’s very hard not to.”

Keith’s eyes got wide.  _ I can’t be in love with her! _ his mind exclaimed silently, while his heart calmly confirmed it. Not believing Angel could see what he wasn’t even sure of, he looked carefully at his mentor. And realized Angel was talking about himself. “What?”

“Katie is actually m’ descendent.”

It took a beat for Keith to find his voice again. Still, it wasn’t much. “WHAT?” he croaked.

“T’ make a long story short, it seems that I got one of my grandfather’s servant’s pregnant just before I was turned. I framed her for ‘is murder, but she was banished t’ Georgia. Being pregnant saved her life. And I never knew.” Angel sighed and continued. “Like I said, Katie and I talked last night. She showed me a picture of her father and everything clicked. Katie’s father looks just like my grandfather. Hells, day before yesterday, when we talked before I even met her, I almost picked up about how her name was bastardized. ‘Mac Giolla Caitlin’ means son of the servant Caitlin. It wouldn’t have been changed each generation the way it would in Ireland. Then there was yesterday’s blood test…”

“Which said you and Katie were related…” Keith whistled again, his fury building. “And she STILL tried to kill you? God damn son of a…”

“Keith, I’m sure Katie has no idea. No, I think Buffy kept this from everyone, even Willow,” Angel said tightly. “And I have no reason t’ believe that she would have told me if I hadn’t figured it out.”

“Jesus Christ, Angel! How could she do that to you?”

“I find myself wondering the very thing,” he said sadly. “I would have bet money Buffy would never wound me this deeply. I guess payback’s a bitch.”

“So’s she.”

“I dunno. Maybe.” Angel sipped at his water. “All I know is that I’ve finally gotten as close t’ what I dreamed of as I’m gonna get, while I’m still a vampire at least, and it’s laced with pain and sorrow instead of joy. Which is what Buffy said she was afraid of.”

“That she wouldn’t hurt you enough?” spat Keith.

Angel ignored his tone, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice. “That it would make me so happy, I would lose my soul.”

“I think there was an error in her theory,” noted Keith.

“So I said t’ her.”

“So now what?

“I dunno.” Angel clasped the glass between his hands. “I just dunno.” Almost on cue, the doorbell rang.

“May I suggest you recover from one crisis before you dive headlong into another?” quipped Keith, as he made his way to the door. Keith wanted to make his point before being interrupted, so he took his time. “Take your own advice for a change?”

“First things first, ye mean?” answered Angel. “It’s actually not m’ advice, but perhaps ye’re correct.”

“You sound like Wesley…”

“I do not,” argued Angel.

“Yeah you do,” stated Keith, who proceeded to do his watcher impression. “Per-HAPS you’re correct…”

“Okay, okay,” smiled Angel. “I concede. But did ye have t’ make me laugh?” he groaned, touching his aching forehead.

Keith merely smiled his answer, happy he could make Angel forget about his worries for just a moment. Keith answered the door, finding Katie, holding a two-foot tall teddy bear. Seeing his hard work going down the commode, not to mention the reappearance of his own unwelcome feelings, Keith growled. “What do you want?”

“Be nice,” chided Angel who had come up behind Keith. “Hi,” he said gently.

Angel’s soft smile gave Katie encouragement. “Umm, I stopped by to see how you were doing. I thought you might need a friend,” gesturing to the bear.

“He has a friend,” growled Keith again.

“Keith…” warned Angel, who took a step between the pair. “Would ye like t’ come in?”

“I, uh, I was just on my way to a movie and thought I’d see how you were doing,” Katie said, unsure. “I don’t want to intrude.”

Keith was about to retort, but the warning on Angel’s face made his mentor’s feelings perfectly clear. And just because Angel wanted to know his…his…well, whatever she was, didn’t mean Keith had to like it. All he knew was that he didn’t like feeling this out of control. “Whateva,” he grumbled. Or even that he had to stick around. He strode meaningfully into their room, grabbed his workout bag and strode meaningfully back out. “I’ll see ya later,” he said to Angel, pointedly ignoring Katie.

Katie watched Keith stride angrily down the hall. Two nights ago it was wonderful to be all grown up, but now reality was setting in. She didn’t like the consequences and was beginning to realize she no longer had a choice in the matter. “He’s never gonna let me make this right, is he?” lamented Katie, once the door shut.

Angel pondered. “Maybe. Someday. When time has worked its magic and it’s not so new and raw. But maybe not. Sometimes ye just don’t get a second chance.”

“So I’m learning. Unfortunately,” observed Katie. “Which is why I was so thankful for our talk last night. Thank you.”

“Ye’re welcome. Twasn’t much.”

“Yeah it was. I mean, look at Keith.”

“Oh well, that’s a different story. Ye played with his heart. Ye only tried t’ kill me,” Angel quipped. When Katie laughed as he hoped she would, he laughed too, only to have a searing pain shoot through his skull. “Ooo,” he groaned.

“Are you okay?” asked Katie, full of concern.

“Yeah I will be. Nothin’ a little time and a lot of water won’t cure.”

“Huh?” That wasn’t any kind of cure Katie was familiar with.

“Never mind. So what brings ye by?” asked Angel, gesturing to take a seat in the living room. “Not that ye need a reason.”

“Well, I just wanted to thank you for last night.” Katie took a seat on the sofa, with Angel sitting beside her. “I really appreciated what you had to say and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind that I stopped by. To see how you were recovering. And Edgar asked if he could come along. He wanted to check you out.”

“Edgar?” asked Angel, totally bewildered.

Katie looked at the bear. “Edgar, this is Angel,” she introduced. “Angel, meet Edgar.”

Angel was skeptical at being introduced to a stuffed bear, but Katie’s solemnity made him think there was something to this ritual. He reached out to touch a paw. “Nice t’ meet you, Edgar.”

Katie turned the bear around to look him in the eye. “See, I told you he was a bear person.” Then to Angel, she said, “Edgar’s been working overtime lately. Heard you had a lot to do with it and since things have quieted down a bit and the opportunity arose, he wanted to check you out.”

“He did?”

“Yep. Edgar’s very protective and was none too happy when I left him in the room yesterday. Gave me holy hell when I got back last night.”

“And why was that?” said Angel, getting the hang of Katie’s whimsical world.

Katie looked at him as though he asked the most obvious question in the world. Apparently it was. “Well, obviously, I needed a bear and I didn’t take him!”

“Obviously,” nodded Angel seriously.

Katie lifted the bear to her ear. “Oh, so you approve? I told you you would.”

“I passed muster?” inquired Angel, bemused at the whole interaction. He’d been checked out by any number of people, spirits and demons in his three hundred some odd years, but never by a teddy bear.

“Yes, quite well in fact,” Katie informed him. “Most adults don’t understand the ways of the bear. They make fun of the protective role teddy bears play in our lives. The truth is, we never get too old for teddy bears. What was that?” Katie asked the bear. She cocked the bear and then turned him around so Edgar was looking at Angel expectantly. “Edgar wants to know if he could meet your teddy bear. The tall guy said you had one.”

Angel continued to play along, truly relishing this whimsical interaction with his great grand daughter. He looked at the bear and spoke. “I’m sorry, Edgar. I dinna ‘ave a bear. Teddy bears weren’t around when I was Katie’s age. I think Keith was talking about himself.”

Katie made the bear back up, appearing to be in utter shock. She scrambled him up her body, once again whispering in her ear. “Huh? Uh-huh? What?” She held Edgar out to look at him. “You really want to do that?” The bear nodded. “You sure?” The bear nodded again. “Positive?” The bear nodded, tapped Katie on the knee and pointed strongly at Angel. “Okay,” Katie sighed, then translated. “He wanted to go home with you…”

“Pardon me?” said a surprise Angel.

“Yep, I think this is kinda fast too, but once Edgar’s mind is made up, he’s pretty stubborn. He says you need a bear. And you’re too much of a bear person to NOT have a bear. But in your condition, he won’t give you too much grief about it when he can rectify the situation. He’s been with me almost the longest, but he’s still got a lot of life in him. He stubbornly refuses to retire,” she explained.

With that, Katie handed Edgar to a startled Angel, who took a good look for lack of any other response. Edgar had tan, very well worn fur, with scratches on his remaining eye. His longevity was apparent since the thread that formed his mouth had started to unravel, giving him a sly, all knowing grin. Angel could see he’d been patched, sewed awkwardly to keep his stuffing in and the colors on his vest were faded green. “Katie,” he said, moved almost beyond words, “I can’t take yer teddy bear.”

Katie took him back quickly, hugging Edgar to him. She soothed his fur. “It’s okay, Edgar. I’m sure that only means that he thinks you can help more with me.” She held her hands over his furry ears. “He thinks you don’t like him.”

Angel was decidedly uncomfortable. He’d rejected Edgar. He was concerned what a TEDDY BEAR thought of him. He’d had some strange conversations in his time, but…well, if it was important to Katie, it was important to him. “Of course I like Edgar, but,” Angel scrambled to make the kind of sense this conversation required, “it’s obvious you’ve been with Katie a while and I suspect Katie’s goin’ t’ need ye a lot with the changes goin’ on in her life.”

Katie jumped on the opening. “But you see, that’s why Edgar wants to go with you. I told him a bit about you and he knows that I hurt you,” Katie looked down for a moment in a gesture Angel recognized she’d inherited from him, “but he also knows you’ve been really cool about it. So he figures he can fill two honey jars at once. Make sure you get better and learn a little more about fighting evil. Then he can report back to me and give me a hand.” Angel continued to look perplexed, so Katie kept talking. “Of course you’d have to come visit, cause you can’t just send a teddy in the mail.”

Suddenly Angel understood. Katie was still enough of a child to not be able to speak outright. She wanted to see him. Angel felt butterflies in his stomach. “Well since ye put it that way, I guess I’ll just have to take Edgar as my apprentice. But ye’ll have t’ tell me what subjects he needs schooled in.”

Relieved, Katie smiled and ran Edgar over to sit on Angel’s knee. “Well,” she smiled. “Once you’re back to full, I’m sure he’s going to need lessons on first aid or how to patch up a Slayer. Probably basic demon lore. We’ll see how he does before we decide if advanced lore is in his future. Then there’s….”

Angel smiled as Katie rattled off all the things he was to ‘teach’ Edgar. He could get used to this. In fact he’d never want to give it up again. The question was how would he deal with Buffy when she tried to make him.


	28. Chapter 28

Buffy refused to look at a clock. She lay huddled beneath the covers of the spare bed in Willow’s room, shades drawn, a sanctuary from the world. But not a sanctuary from her own thoughts.

She’d spent the better part of the day drifting in and out of sleep, giving in to the utter exhaustion of her body and spirit. In the intervening moments of consciousness, she argued. With herself, with Angel, with Katie, Willow, that Garner bitch, everyone she thought she needed to justify her actions to. Sometimes she won, sometimes she lost but gave a hell of an argument, but mostly she just put herself back to sleep.

When she woke up this past time, it was with the hazy understanding that she’d really be sorry about three in the morning if she continued this pattern. So she just laid in bed with her unbidden thoughts and wondered how she was going to fix the mess that was her life.

The thought why should she even care was prominent. She had done far more than any Slayer before had ever even dared dream of. And damn it, she earned it. She’d done more than any other Slayer, more than a whole sack full combined to keep this world safe. She was entitled to her hard won normalcy.

The thought once again brought her round to Angel. She didn’t like feeling the way she felt right now. Far more betrayed than anything else he’d ever done before. She was just angry in general that she still couldn’t remember her dreams any more clearly now that she knew they were real. It surprised her that she hadn’t had any of them since she found him on board. She was too tired to figure out what that meant.

Buffy had no idea how long she stared into the darkness when the knock at the door brought her out of her trance. She hadn’t answered any knocks today. She felt only slightly sorry for the maid who walked in earlier. She beat a hasty retreat and put up the Do Not Disturb sign. It’d been quiet the rest of the day, but whoever it was at the door this time was persistent, knocking at increasing harder intervals. Buffy’s inclination was to ignore it, but when she saw the room key on the desk, she kicked back the covers. It wasn’t nice to keep Willow out of her own room. Except it wasn’t Willow.

“I see I’m glad I was tenacious,” said Mollie, softly.

“Willow’s not here,” said Buffy listlessly. “Is Jeffrey okay?”

“Jeffrey’s fine,” said Mollie, crossing past Buffy and into the room without permission. “He’s having a grand old time in the pool with his father, who’s more than happy to spend time with his ‘giggling’ son for a change.” She looked Buffy up and down. “I’m here because I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. It’s almost four o’clock and I bet you haven’t been out of bed all day.”

Buffy briefly stared daggers at her daughter-in-law, on her way past the vanity area to the room.  _ So much for keeping THAT part of the world out. _ “You know, I thought this is what you’re supposed to do on cruises. Nothing.” And proceed to continue the activity by crawling back into bed.

Mollie followed, sitting on Willow’s bed. Once again, she sized Buffy up and rubbed her right hand on her left elbow, her classic sign that she wanted to say something. Unfortunately, her mother-in-law wasn’t making this easier, which made her doubly intent to get to the bottom of this. “You’re not yourself,” Mollie said lamely.

Buffy couldn’t help but smile at Mollie. Eric had certainly found a gem. Buffy liked her more and more as the years went by. Sometimes though she was too sharp for her own good. Buffy wondered if the time was coming that she’d have to share her secret with Mollie before she discovered it herself.  _ I suppose that will depend if they move back to Sunnydale. _ In the meantime, Buffy knew Mollie wasn’t going to leave without an answer. “Mollie, I’m just really exhausted. The last few days have NOT exactly been a picnic.”

“So I gathered,” nodded Mollie. “Anything I can do?”

“No, not really,” sighed Buffy. “Though I don’t know that I’d let you even if you could. It’s not your responsibility.”

“No, but, um, even Slayers could use some help occasionally,” dropped Mollie. She watched Buffy’s eyes get wide in shock. She held up her hand before Buffy could speak. “Don’t try to tap dance around this. I grew up in Sunnydale, remember?” Mollie watched the fear coalesce in the woman before her. “Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else knows. At least not outside the usual Scooby Gang. Which I always thought was a really cool name for you guys.”

“How?” asked Buffy, this new shock totally overloading her system.

Mollie smiled wryly. “You know I have big ears. Always have.”

Buffy arched a brow. “But you don’t gossip. Never have.”

“Nope. It’s amazing what people tell you when they know that. It’s really amazing what they don’t guard. Not that you weren’t vigilant. It’s just that I’m kinda sneaky. I figured I should give you some dirt on me since I got some on you.”

“You don’t seemed shocked.”

“Well, I’ve had some time to get used to the idea. Believe me, I was this close to having you carted off to the loony bin when I first found out. I guess it was dumb luck that Eric was at the conference in Denver.”

“You’ve known for four years?” asked a startled Buffy.

Mollie nodded compassionately. “Yup. I’ll never forget the night you fought that really stinky thing. I remember you climbing out of the dumpster, and being floored by how quickly you came up with the excuse of looking for a patron’s bracelet. I was going to tell you I knew then, but it seemed really important to you to keep what you did from everyone that I didn’t feel I had the right to screw up your hard work. So I decided to help.”

Buffy started pointing at Mollie. “I remember you were working at the paper after that. That was you?”

“Yep, did what I could do to keep your antics out of the headlines.”

“And here I thought I was just having streak of good luck.”

“You were,” smiled Mollie. Then she got serious. “Eric doesn’t know. I’m assuming you want it that way.”

“Yes, thank you. What he doesn’t know may keep him alive.”

“But Katie does?”

Buffy closed her eyes in sorrow. “Oh yeah.” She swallowed before continuing. “She was called about two months ago. Damn it,” she cursed, tears coming unbidden in spite of her best efforts. “I was done crying about that.”

“She’ll be okay,” assured Mollie. “She’s got you for an example.”

“That’s not the point,” barked Buffy through tears. “I give and give and give and all the forces of the universe do is take. Take me, take Katie, take Angel. When is enough, enough?” she cried impotently. Mollie shifted to the other bed to hug her mother-in-law. Buffy hugged back and didn’t let go. Mollie simply rocked the woman in her arms while she sobbed. After a while, Buffy stopped heaving, catching her breath enough to speak. She pulled away. “Sorry. This is usually Willow’s job.”

Mollie reached for the tissues on the desk and offered them to Buffy. “No need, you’d have done the same for me. I’m just returning the favor. I’m just glad that I don’t have to play dumb anymore. Does that mean I get to be a Scooby?”

Buffy laughed at the notion. “Sounds to me you’ve been one for several years. I guess all we need is Willow to make it official.”

“Oh, tell me I get a pin or something,” asked Mollie eagerly.

“Nope, sorry,” said Buffy just as playfully, a smile breaking the day’s gloom. “Just a couple of stakes and a bottle of holy water.”

“Well damn,” said Mollie in mock disappointment. “I already have those.”

“You do?”

“Well, yeah! Of course. I got those right after the stinky thing.”

“It was a spegange demon,” Buffy laughed. “Just so you know.”

“Ah. Well whatever it was, it stunk to high heaven. But it’s good to see you smile.”

“It’s good to smile. Thanks for coming to find me.” Buffy squeezed her daughter by marriage’s hand.

“You’re welcome,” she squeezed back. “Now enough moping. You had all day to do that and it’s time to do something about it,” Mollie ordered.

Buffy pouted. “No, don’t wanna.” She dove under the covers.

“Too bad.” Mollie flung back the curtain. Buffy could feel the heat from the setting sun through the comforter. She tried to hold on while Mollie pulled them from the foot of the bed. Unfortunately, she didn’t get a good grasp fast enough, so she lost the tug-of-war. “Now get your butt outta bed, get a shower and go kick some ass.”

Buffy sat upright on the bald bed. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, you do,” said Mollie firmly, hands on her hips at the foot of the bed. “I don’t know what’s been going on, but I’m sure I’ll find out sooner or later. But whatever it is, I know it’s not your style to hide. Regroup, yes. Hide, no. One thing I know better than anything else is that my mother-in-law is no quitter. God help any human or demon who fucks with her life. They’re gonna be sorry.”

Mollie’s speech was just what Buffy needed to hear. “You’re absolutely right.” She got out of bed and wiggled, almost physically throwing off her bad mood. “The best defense is often a good offense. How many times have I told Katie that in competition?”

“A lot. And now it’s time to take your own advice. You’ll feel better for it,” confirmed Mollie.

“Does my son know how lucky he is to have you?”

“I remind him daily.”

Buffy laughed and hugged her newest confidant. “I promise I’ll explain when I get this all figured out.”

“I’m looking forward to it. So now I’ll leave you to kick some socialite butt,” ordered Mollie. She walked to the door leaving Buffy dumbfounded.

“How’d you know?”

Mollie smiled as she opened the door. “I’m good…”

*******************************

Willow still hadn’t figured out an excuse to get Buffy to Abby’s when she returned to her room. Expecting to have to kick Buffy’s butt into gear, Willow was surprised not to find her hiding from the world.

Instead, she found both beds made and a note on hers. She read it and quickly lunged for the phone. She bounced impatiently while it rang.

“Abby? It’s Willow. Incoming. Be warned. Buffy’s out for blood. You’re on the top of her list.” She then flashed a typical Willow smile and cocked her head. “Hey, the good news is we got her there.”


	29. Chapter 29

Angel left his room still wondering if having a quiet dinner with Abby was the right thing to do instead of settling things with Buffy. He knew it was the easy thing to do. But was it the right thing to do?

The right thing to do. He sighed at the concept as he got off the elevator at Abby’s floor. He was so tired of doing that. Especially when it came to Buffy.

_ *Let’s qualify that,* _ he thought harshly. What he was really tired of was getting kicked in the ass for it. By Buffy.  _ *Stubborn bitch.* _ She just couldn’t accept when he was right. God forbid she admit it, never mind appreciate it.

Angel KNEW he was right. About leaving Sunnydale when Buffy graduated. About erasing that fateful day in November. About giving Buffy a life without him. He knew in his bones the moment he saw Katie with her mother. Even if she hadn’t been related to him. Now that he knew Katie…dear sweet Katie…well, he was doubly glad of it. 

His own hypocrisy brought him to a halt just before he knocked on Abby’s door. Here he was bitching about the fact Buffy couldn’t appreciate his sacrifices for her and he wasn’t much better. Angel remembered one evening he consoled Abby after one of her far too many miscarriages. He told her it didn’t matter that you weren’t related by blood. Family born or family chosen, the ties were just as strong. He sincerely believed it still.

But he also realized that while it was true for Abby, he wasn’t so sure it was true for him. At least not in the way it was for Abby, who really gave GA kids a place in her heart. Abby got in close, much closer than Angel allowed himself to. Those who were close to Angel were so, not because they had been invited into Angel’s life. They wedged themselves in, whether he wanted them there or not. Just like family. Angel shook his head in weary acceptance.

But his role in his ‘family’ was more of an older sibling, not a parent. He was ashamed to admit it, but for as protective as he felt about the kids at GUARDIAN ANGEL, he felt something entirely new for Katie. He was only aware that Katie was his flesh and blood for about twenty-four hours and it surprised him how fiercely she made him feel. He had finally become a parent, replete with all the wonderful, overpowering, conflicting emotions that came with it. The enormity of her impact on him was easily seen with Keith. Angel really had to struggle for his objectivity when it came to her relationship with him. Clearly, Katie was in the wrong, yet Angel wanted Keith to be the one to make it up to her. It was tough not to say anything and keep his nose out of it. And this was only after one day. He could only imagine the intensity of feeling that Buffy had for any of her children.

So now that he was calm, he had to admit that Buffy had ample foundation for her fears. She knew how much he wanted family and she had first hand knowledge of what he might do to them should he change from joy. But just because Buffy was right about one thing, didn’t mean she was right about everything. Angel’s temper flared again. She wouldn’t see the distinction. Black and white, that was Buffy.

Well, he would be damned if she was going to keep him out of Katie’s life, he thought, his jaw set in determination. It would have been one thing if Katie had no interest in knowing him, but after this afternoon, it was patently obvious that they had a connection. Buffy be damned, his curse was obviously not an issue in this and if she couldn’t make a distinction between her differences with him and his right to know Katie, well, she’d have to learn to live with it. Katie invited him into her life and he had every intention of staying.

Just then the door opened. “Oh my! You’re quite the storm!” exclaimed Abby, wearing a fluffy white robe. “I can’t possibly think of what I might have done to put that look on your face. Especially since this is the first time I’ve seen you today.”

“I’m sorry, Abby.” Angel chuckled at the image, his anger dissipating. “It’s not you.”

“Okay then, I’m relieved. So are you going to stand out there scaring people or are you going to come in?”

Angel sent a quick thanks to the PTB for putting Abby on this ship with him. For as high maintenance as she was, she came through in a pinch. He smiled again and entered her room. It was a large one, with a sitting area next to the balcony. The king size bed dominated the middle of the room. She would have preferred a suite, but one wasn’t available when she booked her passage. “So where were ye going just now? I know ye weren’t goin’ to dinner wearing that,” gesturing to her robe.

“True.” She stuck her head out the door and looked up and down the hallway. “I’m waiting for room service.”

Angel arched a brow. “Oh?”

“Well, given last night’s trauma, I thought a night in might be a nice change of pace.” She closed the door and walked to the small desk she had turned into her makeup table. She finished outlining her lips while Angel talked.

He didn’t bother to ask why she was dressing for an evening in. This was Abby. Dinner was dinner and there was no reason not to dress for it. Instead he took his coat off before sitting by the balcony. “That’s very thoughtful,” he smiled warmly. “I could use some time out of the line of fire.”

“Yes, I suppose you could,” she smiled wryly, “and there is plenty enough brooding going on in your suite. I don’t think the room could handle TWO of you.”

“Are we really that bad?” laughed Angel.  _ Guess I’m not hiding my feelings any better than Keith is. _ “Or do ye just know us that well?”

“Both actually.” Just then the doorbell rang. She jumped up, putting an earring in as she answered it. “Just put it over there,” she directed the man at the door and slipped into the bathroom.

The porter pushed in a small table with a rose on it to the area where Angel sat. “Thank you,” Angel said, slipping the man a tip.

“Thank you sir. Enjoy.” He slipped out silently, closing the door behind him.

Though food did not hold the appeal it did when he was human, Angel could certainly appreciate the finery of the presentation. He noticed a white linen envelope with his name on it propped against an evil looking champagne cask. “Uh, Abby,” he swallowed thickly, “I don’t really think I’m up for celebratin’.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” she called back. “I don’t think I could handle too many nights like last night.”

“Me neither,” he muttered, glad he could relax. The champagne reminded him that right or wrong, he wasn’t really up to facing Buffy. Their next conversation was going to be too important and he was just too raw to have it now. For Katie’s sake, he wanted it to be civil.  _ But what’s the champagne for, if Abby didn’t order it? _ Hoping to find some answers, he reached for the envelope, but once again the doorbell rang.

“Would you get that?” asked Abby, still in the bathroom.

Angel rose and answered it, shocked to find who was behind Door #1.

“Buffy? What’re ye doin’ here?”

She spun around, shocked to find him. “What am I doing here? What are you doing here?”

“I’m havin’ dinner,” he replied justifiably.

“What? I didn’t notice plasma on the room service menu?” she said just as righteously. She swept past him. “That must be a special order item.”

“Buffy…” he warned, not closing the door.

She turned to face him. “I’m here to see Mrs. Garner.”

Shocked and wary, he demanded, “Why?”

“It’s not any of your business,” she replied haughtily. “Mrs. Garner, are you here?” she called, stepping toward the bathroom.

Angel grabbed her arm and forced Buffy to face him. “Buffy, ye are NOT goin’ to start a fight.”

“Angel, please,” she calmly chastised, speaking simply as though he were a small child who would not understand otherwise. “I have no quarrel with Abby. Truly, I can see she’s a woman after my own heart. Or should I say owner of an ex-heart?” Before he could object at the inference, she continued sweetly. “In any case, I’m pretty sure she can answer my questions.”

_ Some things never change, _ he thought becoming more irritated. Angel could guess what Buffy wanted to know. It infuriated him that she would never ask him directly. “This is between you and me,” he growled. “Leave ‘er out of this.”

“Oh, I beg to differ. She was quite forthcoming about staking her claim yesterday. I’m assuming she does have a claim, she wouldn’t have any reason to lie about that, would she? She is quite beautiful, in spite of her age,” she quipped, turning her deadly Slayer wit against her undeclared rival. “And don’t forget quite obviously rich, so attracting…um…companions, I doubt is much of a problem.” Buffy was at her catty best, watching with smug amusement as Angel’s temper rose beyond words. Mollie was right - it was time to kick some ass into gear. She continued to take advantage of Angel’s silence. “In any case, I’m sure she’ll be all too willing to tell me the truth.”

“The truth? And just what truth do ye think needs t’ be told? That ye can’t ask me about directly?”

“The fact that you can have sex these days without losing your soul?” Once again, Angel stared at her in shock. She continued her explanation with a shrug that further infuriated him. “Angel, I think it’s about time you get over that eighteenth century stereotype that women can’t think. Because it was patently obvious that Abby’s claim on you was a sexual one.”

“That was a long time ago,” he gritted.

“Long for you or long for me? In any case, it didn’t seem like that yesterday. But why should I believe you? You certainly didn’t see fit to tell me your curse was void.”

“It’s not. Not that I know of.” His teeth were beginning to ache.

“Is that so?” Buffy walked around him. “So you are a regular guy after all. Sex for the sake of a happy. Oh wait, less than a regular guy if your curse still holds. You couldn’t even get a happy.”

With that, Angel reached his breaking point. This barrage was born of raw unprocessed emotion and his would be loosen with her next barb. Yep, he’d been right earlier…it was too soon to see each other. “Ye know what? I don’t need this,” decided Angel. Grabbing his jacket from the chair, he walked toward the open door, calling, “Abby, I’ll see ye in….”

However, he was brought up short, almost as though he hadn’t been invited. Except it was on the wrong side of the door. Then he realized he heard Latin.

“… transire dum astra caelo exeunt.”

Angel looked up to see Abby finally dressed standing in the hallway next to Willow who was also wearing an evening gown. The witch had just finished muttering and was opening her eyes. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Willow smiled. A grin the Cheshire Cat would envy said otherwise.

“What are you doing here, Will?” asked Buffy, coming to stand beside Angel. “I thought I was meeting you in the dining room.”

“Well, I decided to go to dinner with Abby instead.”

“With Abby?” she yelped at the betrayal. “WHAT?”

“Alright, one more time,” steeled Angel. “What’s goin’ on?”

“It’s quite simple, my dear,” drawled Abby. “You’ve solved ‘communication’ difficulties more than once using this method. It’s quite effective.” She was quite pleased at the shock dawning on Angel.  _ Score one for the amateur! _

“Though locked doors won’t work for you two, you’d go right through them,” filled in Willow. “But as luck would have it, Abby met a well qualified witch who’s had it up to here with your shenanigans,” indicating a point at her temple.

“Willow?” Buffy tried to reach her friend in the hall, but also found herself repelled at the door. “What?”

“They locked us in,” gritted Angel. He backed away from the door, threw his blazer against a chair in disgust and settled down in a huff. “Magically, yes?”

“Yup!” the witch said gleefully. “Oh this is good,” she said, linking her arm in Abby’s.

“I told you it would be,” agreed Abby. “I have to admit though, I’m a bit smarter than you, because I’ll be safely off the ship and at home by the time the spell wears out. You have a plane flight to contend with.”

“Hmmm, I hadn’t thought about that.”

The implications of the exchange finally hit Buffy. “You’re LEAVING me in here? With HIM?”

“Until we work out our differences,” concluded Angel, tiredly. “Abby, you can forget about New Year’s.”

“I thought as much, but I wasn’t having much luck with the bunny costume anyway, so I’m not really losing anything, am I? Willow, shall we?” Abby went to move down the hallway, but Buffy’s demand stopped them.

“Willow Rosenburg, you let me out of here right now!”

Willow got right up as close to Buffy as the magical barrier would allow. “Or what?” She watched Buffy fume impotently for a few seconds then continued to give her ‘what for’. “I’m sorry, Buffy. No wait, I’m not sorry at all. I have watched you two go round and round for thirty some odd years and I’m flippin’ tired of it,” her voice briefly pitching higher, an exclamation point for her frustration. “Time’s running out and now there is no good reason you can’t finished what you started. You remember everything, I fixed Angel, you’re both still alive and the tension between the two of you is still so thick I can cut it with a knife. It’s time you got everything out once and for all. Right now the only thing keeping the two of you apart is your anger. And I think Abby’s idea was exactly what you both need. Just keep in mind that whatever you break, you have to pay for. And don’t think you can climb out the balcony, ‘cause I set up that barrier up earlier.”

“What about…” Buffy began to argue.

“Katie? Spending the evening playing poker with Eric and Mollie. They’re finally getting that bonding time, though I’m sure they’ll miss losing their money to you,” a light in the witch’s eyes twinkled.

Buffy was getting desperate. It was clear that Willow meant business and that usually meant no one could argue with her, but she had to try. “And what about…”

“Packing?” This time Abby provided the information. “Well, I’ve already had my luggage picked up and whatever I need for disembarking is at Willow’s. I’ll be staying there tonight, so you see there isn’t any need for me to return. And I’ll be packing up Angel’s things as Willow will be for Buffy. It’s the least we could do.”

Buffy just glared at the socialite. “Thanks so much.” This wasn’t any of her damn business. “You forgot about…”

“Daybreak?” The devious duo said in tandem. Willow finished. “The spell is set to dissolve just prior to dawn. Angel is scheduled to be one of the first passengers to leave. Oh, there is a set of clothes for each of you in the closet as well as a bag for your current clothing.”

Buffy opened her mouth to protest. She closed it again when she discovered she didn’t have anything else to say.

“That’s it? Good,” Willow said with finality. “Abby, we’re going to be late. Oh and,” gestured Willow, “you might want to close the door. Don’t want everyone gaping at you. Ta!” she waved about to walk off with her partner in crime.

“I’m going to get you for this,” vowed Buffy, pointing menacingly at the witch.

Willow smiled ruefully. “I’m sure you will. Which is why I’m gonna enjoy myself tonight while I can.” With that she offered her arm to her partner in crime. “Shall we?”

Abby accepted it. “Ta!” sang Abby as they walked down the hall.

Buffy tried to watch them go, but the barrier wouldn’t let her past the door frame. With nothing else to be done, she took the wicked witch’s advice and shut the door. Buffy leaned her forehead against it in defeat. She turned and leaned against the door. “So this was your idea?” she asked tiredly.

Angel lifted his head up in question, long legs stretched out before him on a hassock. “My idea?”

“Yes, you’re idea.” Buffy walked into the room, bouncing haughtily in her heels.

“I think not,” sighed Angel. “Being locked in here with ye was the last thing I was ready for tonight,” he said tiredly.

His answer took all the fight out of her. She had pushed him too far. “This really will be the end of us, won’t it?” she said smally. She felt a little part of her die when she realized she always counted on Angel taking whatever she dished out to him. Even not seeing him in so long, she still expected him to meet her stride for stride, whether in love or anger. But just now, he sounded like he just didn’t care.

Buffy braced herself as the situation moved from worse to incomprehensible.  _ What will be, will be _ she thought bravely if fatalistically. She had learned that it was the only way to live her life. For years, it kept her alive and her hopes from being dashed. She shrugged off the last bit of hope she had and counted on understanding to soothe her. “What did she mean when she said you’ve used this method before?”

Angel watched Buffy lean against the desk to hear his tale. It was the first time he’d really looked at her that night. She was stunning, more beautiful than he ever thought she could be. She was wearing the blue dress Katie had borrowed a few nights before. Angel thought Katie looked terrific in it, but upon reflection he felt the dress wore Katie. Not so with Buffy. The dress’ color accentuated and complimented Buffy’s beauty, the blue and silver beads seeming to gain dazzle from Buffy’s vitality. It showed off her arms, sculpted by years of being a warrior. Her silvery blonde hair grazed her collarbone, guiding his gaze to the scar he gave her as payment for his life. Before his emotional cup runneth over, he quickly focused on answering her question.

“A long time ago, I had had it up to here with Wesley and Cordelia. They just wouldn’t get along. Not couldn’t. Wouldn’t. They’d snipe and argue and they drove me nuts. It just so happened that during a confrontation with some demon or another, they got themselves locked in a meat locker.”

Buffy suppressed a grin as Angel got that adorable confused look, the one he always got when he realized something obvious. “We always seem to get locked in.” He shook it off and continued. “Anyway, I left them there. They called and called, but I figured that if they could figure out a way out of situation together, maybe they’d learn how to get along. After all nothing else worked.”

“And,” prompted Buffy. Anything that pissed Cordelia off was fun in her book.

“Yeah, it worked,” he chuckled at a fond memory, trying not to look at the ample amount of leg Buffy was showing as she adjusted the straps on her heels. “Too good. They started ganging up on Gunn. They pulled every practical joke known to man on him. I had to put a stop to it when they broke Gunn’s nose.”

“Oh my goodness!” Buffy gasped. “How?”

“Gunn fell into a coffee table because ‘is shoes were nailed to the floor.”

Buffy howled in laughter. “I can imagine Cordelia doing that.”

“Of course, Cordy’d swore when she chipped her manicure.” Angel laughed for real this time. “Actually, she made Gunn pay for a new one.”

Buffy joined him. “That’s our Cordy.” Suddenly Buffy noticed tears in Angel’s eyes. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he denied, getting up to look out the balcony door.

She took a couple of steps toward him. Their conversation fell into a long familiar cadence. “No, you have ‘something’ face,” she argued.

He turned around to look at her. He smiled ruefully. “Ye really want me to finish? Cause it’s never something ye want to ‘ear.”

She sighed and looked at the ceiling, then back down at him. “Too true. But it’s better than not knowing.”

“Ye sure about that? Sometimes I think that if I don’t ask, whatever it is that I’ll have t’ deal with just won’t come up.”

“Like if I don’t ask, it can’t get any power,” she nodded. “I so wish that were true. Unfortunately, whenever I don’t ask, that only means I’m not prepared. And that’s worse.”

Angel nodded understanding her completely. “Cordelia has cancer,” he said, his eyes everywhere but her. He turned back to the ocean.

Buffy expected some bad news about them, not someone else. “Oh Angel, I’m so sorry.” Buffy stepped to him, placing her hand on his arm.

“That’s why I’m headin’ back to LA. She needs me.” For a while, they stood there silent, no words being enough. Then Angel spoke, his words thick. “I hate this,” he hissed.

“Angel, I’m sure she has a good chance of beating it. With the new technologies…”

“She may beat it this time, but it just reminds me that the day will come. And I’ll be alone.” And his emotional cup finally ran over. It was always very full with all his responsibilities and duties and amends, but somehow he managed to keep it from brimming. He rarely shared it, accepting the solitude as part of his punishment, part of his atonement. With recent realizations, he simply had too much. It had to come out somewhere and he’d used his alcohol chit to cope with yesterday. So though he was not a talking man, the words flowed, flowed to one whose own loss was as great. “It’s worse now because before I was simply alone. Now I have people I care about and someday they won’t be there. The time is coming that a lot of them will go away and never come back and there’s nothing for me to avenge. Only time.”

“Time takes what we are loathe to give. But others will take their place.” Buffy answered softly. “Like Katie, you’ll have Katie to fill that space.”

“That’s the last thing I expected to hear,” he said in wonder. “I didn’t think you’d let me near her.”

“Life is short,” she shrugged as if that was all the explanation he needed. “You just said it in more words. Wait,” she looked at him. “Don’t we have this backwards?”

It took him a minute to catch her meaning. He gave her a boyish grin. “I guess we do.”

Buffy grinned back. “You know, that look on your face reminds me of the time you came to see me at school, after we had that big fight.”

“Which one?”

She hit him playfully. “The one where you didn’t appreciate that I dropped EVERYTHING to come save your ass from Faith. Except you slugged me.”

“You hit me first,” he reminded her quickly.

“Whatever,” she nodded casually. “And then you came back to Sunnydale to slug my boyfriend.”

“Who had jumped me,” he recalled again. “I never liked that guy.”

“So you said.” She could tell she had the same smile she had three decades before. “You know, I much prefer this.”

“What?”

“This. Talking calmly and civilly. We should do it more often,” said Buffy, matter-of-factly.

“Ye’ll get no argument from me,” Angel agreed readily.

“Good!” Buffy moved into the room toward the dinner table. She looked it over as she continued talking. “We should practice.”

Angel followed her, taking up his claimed seat. “Okay, as long as we agree to back off if we start to push buttons.” Buffy looked ready to object, but Angel finished quickly. “I’m still recovering and last night’s binge didn’t help.”

“You do look a little green,” admitted Buffy.

“Thanks.” Angel gestured his hands wide. “So what shall we talk about?”

Buffy took the chair opposite him. “How about secrets?” she said cheerfully. Immediately Angel rolled his eyes. “That came out wrong, didn’t it?”

Angel nodded, shrugged it off, then pursed his lips. “So what do ye want to know? Just ask.”

“Okay, we’re starting right in button territory here. Why do I have to ask? Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Like ye told me about Katie?” he threw the question at her.

Buffy’s first instinct was to bite back, but she held her tongue for a moment. She hated double standards, especially when she caught herself making one. “Touché,” she conceded.

Angel leaned onto his knees. “See. It’s not that easy.”

“You always say that. Actually the line is ‘it’s not that simple’.”

“It’s not that either.”

Buffy laughed. “No it’s not. And nothing points that out more than parenthood.”

Angel got serious. “Buffy, why? Why Katie?”

Buffy looked down at her hands, tears threatening. If she expected Angel to tell her his secrets, she’d have to start with hers. She took a deep breath and began. "Believe it or not, I met Mac in a chat room about vampires. There are a lot of fruit loops out there, but once you sort them out, it's truly frightening how many people there are who have first hand knowledge of things that go bump in the night. Anyway, Mac and I started chatting. Time passed, we swapped stories. He got into this because family legend had it that they were descended from vampires. So that's what brought him to the chat room.

"Well, I cleared up that misconception," continued Buffy, not noting the irony of the pun, "but we just clicked. Jeff and I were breaking up and Mac was easy to talk to. I mean, I could talk in confidence, on the other side of the continent, who was he going to tell? Besides he'd been through a divorce himself. So when Jeff got the boys for that first summer and I was going out of my mind, I left the Hellmouth to Willow and went to Savannah.

"I got off the plane and nearly fainted. I'd never seen a picture of him, but there you were, the way I’d dreamed you’d be at forty. Needless to say I started taking that family legend a bit more seriously. Mac told me the family matriarch fled Galway City, although he didn't know why.”

"Now ye do.” Pain laced Angel’s voice. “You slept with him?"

Buffy nodded solemnly. "I may have been the oldest living slayer, but that wasn't much consolation. You know…the ever-elusive normalcy. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”

She snorted inelegantly. “There I was, a normal thirty-three year old divorcee, alone after eight years of marriage. I was bitter. I spent more than half my life fighting the forces of darkness and I didn’t think a little happiness was too much to ask. Except the way I saw it, I wasn’t getting any so I pretty much had a ‘screw-the-world, I’m gonna do what I want ‘tude’. "

“Then all of a sudden, if I closed my eyes, there you were, right in front of me,” Buffy said thickly. “And after two bottles of shiraz, I really didn’t care about the consequences. Eighteen years later, I still wanted you in my life, and if I couldn’t have that then, well, Powers-that-Be be damned, I’d take you anyway I could get you…even if it was only in my bed several generations removed,” she finished fiercely, still defiant. “Then miracle of miracles, I was pregnant.”

Angel watched tears welled up once again in her eyes. “You know, I was never expected to live, never mind have children. My sons gave me a whole new reason to fight, not to mention yet another bit of evidence that MY way of slaying was the better one, behold my success. AGAIN.” Angel smiled silently at Buffy’s ‘take that’ side comment to the council. She smiled back at him. “You know, I know you gave me that. I didn’t know it back then, but I figured it out along way. It only made me want you more.”

Before Angel could respond, Buffy gently rested a hand on his knee. “The world was back to normal the next morning, nothing changed. But then, then there was Katie,” she said with wonder. “And I thought that maybe, just maybe the Powers-that-Be were giving me my heart’s desire the only way they could.

“God, Angel, I wanted her so much. I mean, I was never really sure, but how much coincidence could there be? I didn't know for certain until now, but when I saw her look up at me for the first time, I was positive that somehow, some way, a little bit of you found its way to join a little bit of me." She took his hand in hers. “In my mind, in my heart, she's always been yours.”

Angel couldn’t contain himself at the end of her tale. He caught Buffy up in his arms and kissed her fiercely. She matched his intensity, twin tears streaming down their faces. He entwined his fingers in her hair and she caressed his cheek. Slowly, the mood subsided, ebbing away to small quick kisses that allowed her to breathe. He touched his forehead to hers, his hands now braced on her shoulders. “Thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you…”

Buffy smiled through her tears, wiping his from his face, never breaking contact. “Angel, we have a daughter, WE have a daughter,” she said with joy, tears beginning again.

This time, Angel caught the amazing woman before him in a hug. She held him to her, awkwardly perched between the two chairs, not supported by either. Gravity prevailed, and they sank slowly onto the floor. Buffy rested her head against Angel’s chest, the familiarity giving her solace. “Never mind Shanshu, this is enough for me,” he said, stroking her hair.

Buffy looked up at him. “You mentioned that last night. Shanshu? What is that?”

He smiled slighted. “My so-called reward. Like coming out even wasn’t enough,” he snorted lightly. “The first year I was in LA, Wesley decrypted a prophesy he thought was about me. That after a great, final battle, I’d become human.”

Buffy gasped. “The dream. My dreams, where you were…”

“Human,” Angel finished. “I know. I’ve often wondered if we found out about the prophesy after the events occurred. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“And you gave it away? For me?”

“For you, always for you,” he smiled. “Everything in my life, for you. Somehow, it all comes back to you,” he said simply.

Time and experience have given Buffy the wisdom to understand Angel’s confession. She closed her eyes, blinking away the shame. “Forgive me for being angry earlier?”

“Only if ye forgive me. We need more of that too.”

She heard his chuckle vibrate in his chest, bringing forth the long buried memory of a heartbeat with the laughter. “I am so tired of being angry at you.” She snuggled deeper into the crook of his arm.

“Me too.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m tired of ye being angry at me.”

It took her a minute to catch the joke, but when she did, she smacked his arm. “HEY!”

“Ow!” He exclaimed in a way that told her it really didn’t hurt that much. “Don’t blame me, blame yer daughter and Willow for this attitude adjustment!”

“Oh sure, now she’s MY daughter. Uh-huh.” She looked at Angel skeptically, but underneath, she loved his new attitude. It was just like she remembered in her dreams.

“No, she’s our daughter,” Angel hugged Buffy, “and I’m not giving her back.”

“Good.”

They sat in silence for a long time, each wrapped in own thoughts, reveling in their closeness. Finally, Buffy broke the silence. “We should do THIS more often too.”

She felt more than saw Angel frown. “We can’t, Buffy. Nothing’s changed.”

Buffy closed her eyes in pain. Again. “Damn you!” she cried as she broke out of Angel’s embrace. She stood up and paced away. “Damn you to hell!”

Angel scrambled to his feet. “Buffy, I’m sorry, but…”

“Not you,” she explained. “The Powers-that-Be. Or whoever it is out there who is FUCKING with my life! With our lives!” she gritted. “Haven’t we paid enough?” She started pacing, her heels landing hard on the carpet. “And why toy with us? Why have us meet, why get all this FINALLY out in the open? And nothing’s fucking changed!”

“No, Buffy, we have Katie.” Angel stopped her by taking her firmly by the shoulders. “That’s why. WE’RE going to keep ‘er alive. Both of us. Together.” He looked into her eyes and smiled. “And don’t forget the good she’s going to do. She’s gonna outdo us both. I know it.”

“Okay then,” Buffy nodded sharply. “For Katie.” Angel went to hug her again, but Buffy still had too much emotion. “I need food.” She broke away to the table. “You know what really gets me? How the HELL you can be so calm about this?!”

“I’ve got ye to focus on.“ Angel chuckled and returned to his chair. “Oh, I don’t expect I will be tomorrow. I’ll probably have a great desire to pound the snot out of my punching bag.”

“Snot?” She arched an eyebrow at him, while buttering a roll.

“Yeah.”

“Snot?” She started to smile.

“What’s so funny?” he said getting suspicious.

“That’s so NOT an ‘Angel’ word.”

“Oh? And what would be an ‘Angel’ word?”

Buffy shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I don’t think of you as being aggressive. Defensive maybe, but not aggressive. Not like I am.”

“Well, I am. This will hit tomorrow. Delayed reaction is the name of the game with me.”

“I never realized that about you, but I guess it makes sense.” She reached to the table for some water and spotted the envelope. “Angel, there’s something here for you?”

He stood as she handed it to him. “I saw this earlier, but the doorbell rang and in came train wreck Buffy.” A roll landed on his nose as he opened the letter. “Hey!”

She pointed at him. “You deserved it,” she munched. She watched him read for a few moments. Then his face fell. “What does it say?” she asked urgently. Slowly Angel sank into the chair. “What!” she demanded, alarmed. Dazed, he handed the letter to her.

\-------------------------

_ Angel, _

__

_ Please forgive me for not telling you this in person. Circumstances have conspired to make this the easiest way to convey such auspicious news and truly I can’t imagine you’d want to share it with anyone more than Buffy. _

__

_ Also forgive me for not saying anything before I knew for certain. I know Buffy’s heart and did not want to dash her hopes. I’m sure hers would have matched yours. Giles has confirmed my suspicions and wishes you both all the happiness you’ve been denied for so long. The same goes for Abby and myself. _

__

_ You know I restored your human spirit to its proper place two days ago. The astral surgery did more than save your life. After consulting the Council’s library and other considerable resources, we are ABSOLUTELY SURE that this changes the strictures of the original curse. _

__

_ Yeah, pinch yourself. That’s what I’m telling you. Go on, get happy! No one deserves it more than you two. No one has waited longer. _

__

_ Abby and I sincerely hope this time alone has allowed you to work out at least some of your differences. You know, it’s quite wonderful to have a co-conspirator again. I’m sure Xander is smiling. _

__

_ Okay. Maybe not. _

__

_ I love you both. Now love each other. _

__

_ \--Willow _

\-------------------------

Buffy imitated Angel, sitting heavily on the bed. “  _ ‘There’s nothing keeping you apart except your anger.’ _ This is what she must have meant,” she said looking at Angel for confirmation. He simply looked dazed. “Angel? Angel?”

He shook his head in disbelief. “I’m sorry. This is all so…”

“Unbelievable.”

“Exactly. My first instinct is t’ call Wesley about this. See if it has something to do with this Shanshu business.”

Buffy bristled slightly. “Well if my watcher isn’t good enough for you…”

“Hey, do ye see me moving?” Angel rolled his eyes. “Besides, as ye’ve pointed out on more than one occasion this trip, ye have family here.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right, you didn’t deserve that.”

Angel smiled. “Do ye know that’s the first time ye’ve apologized to me?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah,” his smile softening.

“No, can’t be, I’m not that perfect.”

“Oh, I never said ye were perfect, I just said ye never apologized to me before.”

“Whatever,” sighed Buffy. “I’m just so tired of arguing with you. It’s like my dream all over again.” She looked a question at him. “We had this kind of conversation before, right?”

“Yeah,” he said, his eyes far away. “Instead we wound up on a kitchen table. It was the best and worst day of my life.”

“God, I wish I could remember that clearly.”

“I do too.”

Silence fell heavily between then again. Angel grappled once again to find the right words to make her understand. “Buffy, ye said ye…”

“Yep!” she cut him off. “I do recall this part. I couldn’t do anything about it then, I certainly can’t do anything about it now except accept it and let the anger go. So let’s not have this conversation again,” she finished curtly.

“Okay…” said Angel warily.

“I know, I know, I’m being cranky miss. There’s just been…”

“So much, I know. So ye must be…” ventured Angel.

"Terrified, yup,” said Buffy, completely unconscious of the way they were reading each other’s minds. “Now that you mention it, absolutely. How 'bout you?”

"Completely. But I have to admit it puts m’ decrepit old self at ease to know ye're just as nervous with this idea as I am."

Buffy wrapped her arms around Angel as he returned the gesture. "Heck of a thing to spend all your life wishing for something. Then when you get it…"

“…ye’re not quite sure what to do with it?”

“Give the man a brass ring. I can't decide if I feel like an old fool or a young fool."

"How 'bout a beautiful fool?"

"I can live with that," she announced, tapping Angel's chest with the folded letter, before walking across the room to the champagne. "What say we wait until we get back to Sunnydale? Give us some time to adjust, get over the shock…"

"Get things settled with Cordelia. Double check with BOTH our watchers. I’d say that’d be the smart thing t’ do,” he confirmed. “Plus we have so much to talk about tonight. What we’re going to tell Katie? When will we tell ‘er? And I’d like to know a little more about the REST of my family. I’d like to meet them, too. If ye think Mac could handle it,” he qualified.

“Mac would be thrilled! And see? I’ve learned patience…at least a little.” Buffy held up the bottle. "Do you mind if I have some? Cause I feel like celebrating!"

"Sure as long as I don’t have to have any,” shuddered Angel.

Buffy laughed. “No but you do have to open it. I’m hopelessly uncoordinated at these things.”

“Oh, give me the bottle,” he growled playfully. As he reached for the bottle, Angel leaned over to kiss Buffy, simply because he could. Her lips were still so soft and full. He had never tasted anything so good and he couldn't get enough.

Neither could she. Gently she tasted his lips again and again, soft and quick. She traced his lips with her tongue. Just like that, his met hers and coaxed it into his mouth. She took a deep breath as her hands framed his face.

He dropped the unopened bottle on the floor. Then he drew her against him again, lifting her up with one hand around her waist and the other cupping her head. "Oh to hell with it," he murmured. "I've had…

"…enough delayed gratification to last two lifetimes," she finished as he pulled her against him as he leaned back toward the bed.

“This time, I’m not leaving…”

“Just try…” completely forgetting that Willow’s spell wouldn’t let either of them go.

His lips never left hers, but his right hand left her head and reached the zipper of her gown. In one swift motion, it was down and he twirled her onto the bed beneath him.

"Damn, you have talented hands," said Buffy as she tugged at Angel's tie. "Can't wait to see what else you're gonna do with them."

"Don't plan on disappointing you," he said, kissing her neck. Angel slipped his right index finger under the dress strap and brought it along as his hand slid sensuously down Buffy's arm. His lips followed only until her shoulder, when they moved forward. Buffy closed her eyes as he lightly blew cold air across her collarbone.

Buffy shivered, reminded of all the wonderful scenes she’d lived on for years. “If this is a dream, I never want to wake up.” She felt Angel’s lips turn up against her skin.

“Don’t ye even think of fallin’ asleep on me,” he murmured seductively.

"Not a chance," Buffy moaned, wrapping her hands through Angel's hair. 

Suddenly Buffy pushed away from him to stand back up. Before he could ask why, he watched the dress pool around Buffy's feet, leaving her wearing only stockings and heels. "Damn…"

"What can I say, I hate panty-lines," Buffy said coyly watching Angel's face fill with more than one kind of shock. She had wanted to make him speechless for so long. She wasn’t disappointed. Buffy then took a seductive step to pull him up toward her, intent on slowly unbuttoning his shirt. “You did say the other night I still looked good.”

Angel confirmed it with a frantic kiss, showing her how she affected him. He drowned her, made her lightheaded as his kiss washed over her. His hands traveled up her silky back to her hair. A matching wave of desire coursed through Buffy, spurred by the sensuous fact that he knew how to release her hair sticks.

They continued to kiss, their lips never parting, as they wildly fought to rid him of his clothes. Buffy pushed the shirt from his shoulder's as he tried to undo the cufflinks. Buffy solved the problem by pulling the shirt off his wrists with such force it sent the cufflinks flying around the room.

She raked her nails lightly down around his waist. "I don't think I ever stopped loving you," she continued to nip ferociously across his smooth muscular chest toward his waistband as Angel pushed his shoes off.

Emotions overloaded Angel, pulling Buffy up to kiss her deeply once more. He pushed forward onto the bed again. Some part of him vaguely wondered if they were moving too fast, that she wasn’t as ready as he. That thought was driven away as she wrapped her legs around him.

Oh yeah, she was ready for him. Had been for thirty-two years. They were ready for each other. 


	30. Chapter 30

“Thanks for helping me with these.” Buffy and Willow’s heels clicked urgently as they crossed the parking lot of Sunnydale High.

“No problem,” assured the red-headed witch.

“It’s just that I hate to stain my dress and they’re so heavy…”

“I said it was no problem. Really.” Willow muttered the words of her spell so softly that Buffy could hardly hear them. After a moment, the trio of hellhounds gently turned to dust. “See, I told you. Now let’s go enjoy your daughter’s prom.”

“Spring Fling.”

“Huh?”

“Only seniors go to the prom. Everyone else goes to the Spring Fling. Katie’s only a sophomore. Just to be technical.” Buffy hooked her hand inside Willow’s arm and smiled. “You know, just once I wish someone would decide to use a different demon at the things. I mean why is it always hell hounds?”

“Got me. Maybe it’s like snow at Christmas. Or peanut butter and jelly. They just go together,” said Willow in that merry Willow way.

Buffy made a disgusted face. “Well I wish they’d go to someone else’s Hellmouth for a change.”

“You’re just grumpy ‘cause you have to work,” chided Willow.

“I’ll gladly work if I can give Katie just one normal high school experience. She was so looking forward to this. Especially after all the trauma with getting settled as a slayer this spring.” The pair entered the gym and scanned the room. It didn’t take long to spy the shoulder length cascade of rich chestnut that identified her daughter. She smiled as she watched her slow dance with the handsome man, bliss filling his smile.  _ Good, he made it. _ Angel’s eyes met Buffy’s. No words were needed. Angel lovingly kissed the top of Katie’s head and she nuzzled closer.

“You’re beaming,” Willow whispered, like she knew Buffy’s secret.

“I know,” she replied, her eyes never leaving the pair. “I never thought I’d see them together. I never expected it to be possible. I want to ask everyone I meet to pinch me. Because I keep expecting to wake up from this wonderful dream.” Buffy looked at Willow. “I know, I’m being silly.”

“Oh no.” The witch studied the pair on the dance floor again. “If it’s possible, I think he looks happier than I’ve ever seen him.”

“I know I am. Willow, have I thanked you today for today yet?”

Before she could respond, a short, plump woman with gray hair wearing a lavender suit hustled up to them. “Ms. Summers, could I have a word with you?” She pulled on Buffy’s arm, taking a few steps away from the redhead.

“Sure, Principal Newton,” responded Buffy. Not that she had a choice in the matter. The woman hemmed and hawed for a moment. Buffy resisted the urge to tell her to just spit it out. She’d tried that tactic with the nervous principal a few times before, on the numerous occasions she had to visit of late. It only made the situation worse. Tonight, she had other things she wanted to watch more than this old biddie sputter. Finally, she blurted, “Ms. Summers, I was wondering if you had noticed the man dancing with your daughter.”

“Yes?”

“Well, I don’t recognize him from our school and he arrived quite a bit later, while you were monitoring the parking lot.”

“Yes?” Buffy cocked her head as if to say ‘So what?’.

“Well, considering all the difficulties Katie’s been having this spring with absences and tardiness, I just don’t know what’s gotten into her. She used to be such a model student.”

“She’s just found her spirit, that’s all,” Buffy shrugged off the principal’s concerns. “She’s just a normal teenager, testing the boundaries of authority. It’s all a part of growing up.”  _ Yeah, a normal teenager who battle demons every night after homework. Her GPA goes from a 3.8 to a 3.0 and this biddy has conniptions. Definitely outdoing her mother on BOTH the demon and academic fronts.  _ Buffy suppressed the urge to tell Newton to get a life. At least she wasn’t as bad as Snyder.

“Ms. Summers, I know that parents want to believe their children are…well…innocent. But, breaking and entering? This shouldn’t be ignored.”

“I’m not ignoring it,” Buffy sighed. “Why does everyone assume that when I don’t handle matter the way Dr. Spock tells me to?”  _ And it was only once! And I showed her how to get into that warehouse. And my daughter and I wiped out the whole nest in question! _ thought Buffy.  _ Katie was so proud, she couldn’t wait to tell Giles and Angel when they got home at two in the morning. At least she hadn’t woken up Angel. And she STILL managed to get a B+ on the chemistry exam the next day. _

But the biddy was still rambling. “I’m not implying that you aren’t doing everything you can to keep Katie out of trouble. But I was thinking that maybe this man was….well…part of the problem. I mean, he seems to be a little old for her, don’t you think?”

Buffy smiled at the matron, then glanced at Katie trying to keep Angel on the dance floor during a faster number. Buffy couldn’t resist. “Actually, Principal Newton, he’s not Katie’s date,” drawled Buffy. “He’s  _ mine _ .”


	31. Epilogue, 2042

“It’s a girl,” beamed Buffy.

Angel was on his feet instantly, the jets from the hot tub bubbling around his waist. “What?”

“Yep. About ten minutes ago,” Buffy added, coming onto the deck at Willow’s beach house.

“But she’s two weeks early!” exclaimed Angel, sitting on the edge of the tub, not wholly of his own volition.

“Not according to the baby,” Willow reminded calmly with a knowing smile. She had climbed out moments ago, allowing the warm September air to dry her skin. She sat down on an adirondak chair overlooking the ocean where the new moon glinted off the waves. “These things do happen.”

“And Katie’s not one to wait,” added Cordelia, reaching for her chardonnay, while still immersed in the heat of the tub. “She probably went into labor deliberately just to keep Keith off balance.”

“Yeah, but…” stammered Angel, his disappointment obvious. “I wanted to be there. I can’t believe they didn’t call us.”

“They did,” answered Buffy, gathering their belongings from the deck of Willow’s beach house. “Where’s your phone?” she asked smugly.

Willow suppressed a smile as Angel’s hand instinctively went to the waistband of his waterlogged trunks. She watched his face fall. “Mine isn’t waterproof either,” she quipped.

Buffy held up her cell phone. “I’m sure I’ll have a message here when I recharge this thing. Anyway, Keith apologized profusely that he couldn’t track us down. Said he started to call three different times, but it seems his little girl wanted her parents undivided attention.”

“I wonder who she gets that from,” muttered Angel, climbing out of the tub.

Buffy responded by throwing the towel at his face. “So, if you ladies will excuse us, Grandpa and I are going to see our first granddaughter…”

“Oh sure,” protested Cordelia. “Leave me and Willow to clean up the mess.”

Angel gave the former beauty queen a look, as he wiped off his lower extremities, not wanting to drip on Willow’s carpet on the way to the car. “You’ll deal. We’ll see you at the hospital then?”

“As soon as we load the dishwasher and lock up,” answered Willow instead. “It’s not like we’re gonna miss anything…all the action’s over. But we’ll be there in about an hour. Hour and a half tops.” Willow hugged her best friend as Cordelia, who wasn’t about to leave warm luxury before she had to, waved at Angel.

“Congratulations. And give Keith and Katie our love,” Cordy said with a warm smile.

“We will,” Angel promised just before the pair headed out the door.

Cordelia looked over at Willow. “Five more minutes?” she asked hopefully.

Willow laughed and headed to the kitchen. As she cleaned up the evening meal, Willow reflected on how much life had evolved over the past ten years. After that fateful cruise, Angel had become a permanent fixture in Buffy’s life. Buffy’s younger ‘friend’ had tongues wagging around Sunnydale for two months. But if anyone seemed to notice he bore a striking resemblance to the hunk she dated in high school, no one mentioned it. Such was the suspended disbelief that pervaded Sunnydale.

So for two years, Angel commuted between Los Angeles and Sunnydale, while Cordelia fought and won her battle with cancer. It was tough going while Angel and Buffy got to know each other all over again. They were both older and set in their ways as single people. But as difficult as it was, the thought of not being together was worse. It took time, but they re-learned how to be a couple.

On the other hand, Angel found it surprisingly easy to get to know his “daughter.” Katie loved having Angel around. Not unexpectedly, Angel’s vast experience served to smooth over the inevitable rough spots the teenager had her with mother as Katie sought to find her independence and sense of self.

Like when Katie was accepted to Boston College. Buffy was prepared for her to go away—in fact made it a requirement that her daughter leave the Hellmouth for college, an option she herself never had. Still, Buffy hadn’t taken that application seriously, due to the sheer expense of tuition. Katie surprised her by not only being accepted, but also obtaining the necessary athletic AND academic scholarships to attend. Angel’s permanent return to Sunnydale calmed Buffy’s nerves as well as Katie’s, who seriously thought about turning down the opportunity.

“It’s my job as the Slayer,” she argued. “I’m supposed to guard the Hellmouth.”

“And it’ll be waiting for you when you graduate,” reasoned Angel. “Nothing’s going to happen to your mother while I’m around. Besides, I’m sure Boston has its share of demons that need to be dealt with. That is if you can find time between your studies, track and parties.”

Katie smacked him. And journeyed cross-country to Boston.

As it turned out, so did Keith. One Saturday night in Katie’s senior year, they nearly knocked the stuffing out of each other in a dark alley.

_ “What the Hell are you doing following me?” exclaimed Keith, as he pulled himself short of a roundhouse. “What the Hell are you doing HERE?” _

__

_ “Me?” piped Katie, still crouched to take the kick. She stood up straight, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I go to school here, fight demons, you know, it’s my JOB. What’s your excuse?” _

Thus began ‘The Story of Keith and Katie, Act Two.’ The pair reasonably decided it was much more civilized to swap excuses over coffee rather than in an alley. Katie discovered that Keith had just moved to Boston. GUARDIAN ANGEL insisted a chapter was badly needed in the city. Keith was sure he smelled a certain vampire on the non-profit’s board of directors in planning this center. Sitting in the diner, he merely shook his head at the thought of his mentor playing matchmaker. Keith had no doubt Angel counted on Katie insisting on accompanying his initial forays into South Boston.

_ “I’ve built my reputation over three years. And if it’ll keep you from getting a few broken ribs, then so be it,” she argued. “Besides, I don’t feel like explaining to Angel why you got hurt when I could have done something about it. ‘Course it would serve him right since he didn’t bother to TELL me you were coming.” _

__

As much as it galled Keith to admit it, he and Katie had been set up. Keith couldn’t argue that it would be a hell of a lot easier to get the center up and running having the most well trained Slayer in history on his team.

Somewhere along the lines, they did exactly as Angel had planned. Keith forgot Katie was ten years his junior and remembered why she entranced him like no other had since. Only this time around, she had grown into the capable woman he was so drawn to on that fateful cruise.

So over that year, they began working out together, since Keith hadn’t had a challenging sparring partner since Angel. Then they began hunting together, which led to meals together ‘cause patrolling worked up an appetite. And then they started...well…it WAS a well known fact that slaying made you hungry AND horny…

Keith was relieved when Katie announced at her graduation that she was planning to stay in Boston to attend grad school. GA had a good foothold, but it wasn’t quite secure yet. She wanted to follow through. Neither Buffy nor Angel was particularly surprised. Keith could just imagine the satisfied smirk on Angel’s face when she told her parents.

So over the next two years, Buffy and Angel watched the Hellmouth and Keith and Katie continued to clean up Boston. Again, neither Buffy nor Angel was particularly surprised when Katie and Keith announced their engagement at her graduation. This time Keith had to restrain himself from pummeling his gloating future father-in-law.

Subsequently Keith and Katie moved back to Sunnydale. Katie hung out her shingle. And much to Angel’s great surprise, Keith enrolled in a few classes at UC Sunnydale. “Yeah…well, I’ve got enough experience as a counselor,” Keith explained. “Might as well make it official. Time to grow up.” And that meant he also accepted the position of gym manager that Buffy offered him.

Much to the relief of Eric and Kevin, who congratulated themselves on convincing their mother to take an early retirement while keeping the family business in the family. While keeping Angel out of it.

Buffy’s sons never trusted the younger man who made their mother so happy. After all, their mother was a wealthy woman, according to Sunnydale standards. They were the reason Buffy and Angel never married. Occasionally, Mollie argued with her about telling Eric the truth about Angel, but Buffy steadfastly refused. The normal way they viewed their mother was too important to her. Plus Buffy’d done enough fighting in her lifetime, this was one issue she didn’t need to do battle over. A marriage certificate wasn’t going to make her and Angel any more committed than they already were. What they had transcended anything earthly. And they knew it.

Still, Willow thought as she hauled out the last of the trash, things worked out exceptionally well. Buffy FINALLY got off the Hellmouth. They spent the last two years traveling and just being together. Enjoying life. Angel took her all the places in the world he loved, from the paradise of Tahiti to the tranquillity of Japan to the blue seas of the Indian Ocean to the ruins of the ancient world to the green fields of his homeland to the hustle that was New York. It was when they stopped in to see Mac in Georgia that they heard the news about Keith and Katie’s impending bundle of joy. Katie’s ‘fathers’ reveled in Cuban stogies to celebrate while Buffy tried to hold her breath and giggle at the same time. Then the pair headed home to await the baby’s highly anticipated arrival.

When Willow came back in to collect their things, she found Cordelia prone on the couch, dripping all over. “I’m getting too damn old for these things. I mean, why do they send them when Angel’s not even here to get the message?”

Willow shrugged. “Vision?”

Cordelia looked at her. “Yup. Pretty nasty accident. Car wedged right up underneath a tractor trailer.”

“Well, we better get moving then. Buffy’s gonna be so thrilled that Angel got ‘paged’. And stop dripping on my couch…”

“Oh right, like Angel’s gonna be happy about it either. For Pete’s sake, can’t the ‘PTB’ give him one day off?!” exclaimed Cordelia, wrapping a towel around herself. “So,” making one of her famous segues, she asked, “do you know what they’re going to name the baby?”

Willow shook her head and handed Cordy some ice in a dixie cup for her head. “They couldn’t decide between Alecia and Catherine for a girl. So we’ll have to see which one she looks like,” said Willow as she held open the door to the garage.

Traffic slowed to a stop as they approached the ice rink on Route 17. Cordelia looked meaningfully at Willow. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Uh-huh. That maybe that message was for me,” said Willow, driving up the shoulder toward a state trooper. She rolled down her window. “Hey, Harry, can I lend a hand?”

The trooper leaned in. “Oh, Dr. Rosenburg, I didn’t know they called you.”

“They didn’t.” Willow gestured to the long line of cars behind her. “But it sure beats sitting in that.”

Harry agreed. “Ain’t it the truth? Still it’s a good thing you’re here. This is a bad one. Truck driver fell asleep at the wheel, crossed the median and barreled right over a car.”

“Well, then, I’d better get up there,” said Willow. She pulled up beside a cruiser with lights flaring. She grabbed her bag from the back seat. “Where do you think you’re going?” she asked Cordy as the brunette got out of the car.

“It was MY vision!” she defended. “I want to see what’s going on too.”

“It’s not going to be pretty,” the doctor warned.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Like I haven’t seen my fair share of blood and guts working for Angel. Jeez, I got refrigerator duty for twenty-seven years because of it. Please,” she trotted off, trying not to let the heels of her sandals sink into the grass.

The two women trudged up the embankment. Willow led them toward two officers dressed in identical uniforms. She held back when they neared, not wanting to intrude on their argument.

“I’m telling you we’re never gonna find the driver,” said the older man, with sparse graying hair and a sizable beer belly. “I’ve seen enough of these…”

“I can’t believe you!” exclaimed the young, blonde officer, throwing her hands in the air. “How can you not care? We have got to find that driver and fast. Who knows what condition we’ll find him…or her in.” She started to walk away, but whirled around and accused him. “What I really think is that you’re ticked off that I got here first, which puts me in charge of this investigation. I think you can’t stand that I might succeed where you failed.”

The man got defensive. “Hey, you want to spend the tax payers’ money and keep all those people sitting out here on a hot Saturday night without any port-a-potties in sight, be my guest.” With that, he walked away in a huff toward Willow and Cordelia.

He was almost by Willow, when she gently placed her hand on his arms. “What’s up, Darren?”

The officer looked at her startled. “Hey Willow. What’re you doing here?”

“I was stuck in traffic, so I thought I’d come lend a hand.”

Darren shook his head. “There’s nothing to do right now.”

Willow looked at him sadly. “Harry said it was bad.”

“It is.” Darren looked disgusted. “Ambulance already came and went. Took the truck driver in. Went through the windshield. We won’t know for sure until the lab results come back, but I’d lay money that the son of a bitch was drunk.”

“What about the car?”

Darren shook his head sadly. “Sawed the roof clean off it. So all that’s left is paperwork for the morgue. Passenger was a Caucasian female, mid to late fifties. I found her head in the back seat.”

“Damn,” grimaced Willow. For all her years as a doctor and witch, she’d never get over feeling helpless when there wasn’t anything that could be done. “Okay, I’m gonna ask the same question Suzanne did,” Willow said, disturbed at Darren’s cavalier attitude. He was one of the best on the force and she knew better than to think he didn’t care in spite of his rough manners. “What about the driver?”

Darren sighed. “I’ve been a cop in Sunnydale long enough to know things are different here. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this,” he said, making a point to Willow and Cordelia. “I got nothing against Suzanne but I know damn well that when we find that much dust, it means that we ain’t gonna find the driver, no matter how long we look.”

Cordelia gasped and let out a howl from the bottom of her soul. “What?” exclaimed Darren when she pitched forward, sobbing in Willow’s arms.

“Oh god,” Willow cried, tears streaming down her face as she looked over Cordelia’s shoulder to see the tow truck hauling away Buffy’s crumbled red coupe.


End file.
